Agnostic.com
8 6

Time to put the outdated and harmful idea of codependency away: [vice.com]

ejbman 7 May 11
Share
You must be a member of this group before commenting. Join Group

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

8 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

5

Being a recovering heroin addict (6 years clean as of April 20, 2019 @ 10:08pm) I speak with a certain level of understanding when I say codependent relationships are real. The description provided in the article does not cover all forms, and the few it does cover are correctly called out as invalid. This subject is very personal to me, especially when considering that my addiction could have been addressed years before it was. This article contains both a false equivalency fallacy and a black and white fallacy. Education on the subject of addiction and what caused it is the most important thing. However, ignoring the truth of what codependent relationships do to both the addict and their loved ones is a massive mistake.

Phayon Level 5 May 11, 2019

Common problem is that there is a disconnect between a precise medical definition which is needed and a common general understanding which is also needed. The DSM doesn't recognize sex addiction either but we all know people with problem compulsive behaviors.

I would agree.. things are not that simple.
Though agree with the basic premise of the article, and i would paraphrase it as "codependency is not a useful scapegoat in the majority of cases"

6

My daughter was a heroin addict for years. I did everything I could to help her. Rehab, therapy, fed her when she needed food everything. Thankfully she is clean now. I did detach in some ways. Stopped letting to keep me up all night, etc. But never stopped trying to help her. And thank God she is alive today. I look at codependent as something that happens when both partners respond in a way that keeps the dysfunction going on. Once you respond differently things change. You can't change another person only your response to them. I didn't try and fix her or beg her to stop. Just said I am here when you need me.

GreatNani Level 8 May 11, 2019

You have a wonderful way of wording it. I feel for you and your daughter. Congrats on the victory, it is a long, hard and ugly road.

@Phayon thank you. Very long and hard.

6

Interesting article. As the mother of a recovering meth/alcohol/relationship addict, it was total hell for many years. ‘Tough love’ helped me stay somewhat sane, and she indeed hit ‘bottom’ several times, got rehabbed, then she’d dive right back into that shit. I can’t really say whether the ‘codependent’ perspective helped me, or her, at all, but sharing in a group of other parents of addicts was helpful for me - the helplessness and fear is so overwhelming, and just knowing I wasn’t alone helped. I’m grateful she survived, and is sober more often than not now. I’m also grateful that two of her three kids (whom I ended up raising) have learned from their parents and are careful to avoid potentially addictive substances. So far anyway.

Justjoni Level 8 May 11, 2019

I am still raising my oldest granddaughter. She was born addicted. My daughter seems to be clean and is raising her youngest child. So hard and I know how you feel.

@GreatNani Oh I feel for you and your oldest grandchild - my daughter was somehow able to clean up for her first two pregnancies, but the third was a post-vasectomy surprise, and both parents spiraled out from that point. Such a scourge... addicted babies break my heart

@Justjoni difficult all around. There is a reason women do not have children in their 50's! I am tired!

5

I read enough of that to say, again, this is not a simple, one-size fits all issue. My 2nd partner was alcoholic and I joined Al-Anon to try and cope with it. To me enabling is a social disease. When I refused to lie and cover for my partner's actions many criticized me for not supporting her. When my neighbor got hooked on meth he would call and ask us to come and clean him up. After the first time my partner said no more. He finally realized he was on his own and got into a program. People are adults and need to learn to be responsible for their own behavior.

Previously, we started having problems with my daughter (long story). We then went to a tough love seminar and saw our problems were mild compared to some others. Especially problematic were single mothers with big teenage sons who dominated their mothers. A support committee was formed and took action and we heard lots of stories that showed taking + action really helps.

JackPedigo Level 9 May 11, 2019
7

YMMV, Of course. I found the book “codependent no more” very helpful in coping with a narcissistic wife. It showed me the patterns I was falling into. Among other things it helped me to avoid falling into the trap of blaming myself for what she was doing.

Detritus Level 7 May 11, 2019
1

Sorry all! Link fixed!

ejbman Level 7 May 11, 2019
3

[vice.com]
It was a link to another page which is why the request was denied

Buttercup Level 8 May 11, 2019
3

OOOOOPS

The link you shared says

"Bad Request"

Robecology Level 9 May 11, 2019
Write Comment

Recent Visitors 73

Photos 164 More

Posted by UnitySomeday my princess will appear before me. ❤️

Posted by AtheistPeace666Hello I'm a single Canuck looking for my special lady Canuck.

Posted by KhaCRYou ever feel like you found the perfect sexual partner then he turns out to be a complete 💩bag and you can’t find the satisfaction in other encounters?

Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.

Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.

Posted by KateOahuYes, I agree that the reverse is also true.

Posted by JolantaThis is what women have to put up with and then they want to be intimate while we are still angry because they will not do their share of housework.

Posted by JolantaDucky, Snookums....

Posted by SorchaThis is a guy I was talking to from okcupid. He is totally new to online dating and it shows.

Posted by JolantaThat’s Amore. Some women are just far too shallow.

Posted by JolantaSomething for real intimacy perhaps.

Posted by Green_Soldier71Has anyone here had any experience with (or known someone who has/had) a SEXLESS MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP or a FRIGID PARTNER?

Posted by EyesThatSmileNakedness.

Posted by LetzGetRealMy family has often commented how I should become a "cougar"... as I look pretty good at my age and have a younger mindset than some of my peers, I guess this is there rationale?

Posted by Ann-1980The 4 types of Intimacy to feel sufficient, satisfied & healing in a love relationship.

Posted by Philip21over the top thinking? [agnostic.com]

  • Top tags#relationship #sex #intimacy #video #friends #religious #hope #religion #world #god #children #wife #marriage #book #kids #advice #death #reason #agnostic #beliefs #Atheist #hell #money #society #movies #fear #hello #Present #parents #belief #loves #Song #community #lonely #books #divorce #culture #humans #dogs #sleep #chemistry #Christian #college #soul #animals #sexy #philosophy #holiday #DonaldTrump #sexuality ...

    Members 1,855Top

    Moderator