I don't post much, but this is on my mind today. I don't much like the dating scene these days. I am from a dinky town (30,000 pop) so a very small pool of local options. It seems, and I could be wrong here, that sex has become akin to a goodnight kiss. If things go well it is anticipated or expected.
The following is how I see things. It is by no means a pronouncement of a "better" school of thought.
I want a person, not their body. Sex, for me, although fantastically and delightfully amazing is not a means or an end. The best i've ever had, thus far, was with a gal I had been with for over six months. I still felt it was too soon, but hey, sometimes things happen.
I've said no to sex. I've broken relationships as a result of sex being the only thing holding us together. If you are a person who just wants sex that is fine, nothing wrong with a modus operandi. I, unfortunately, cannot do that, and as a result cannot be with someone like that intimately.
First is that awkward "intro and initial exchange" best foot forward kinda stuff. Second, repeated exposure for verification of productive co-existence at a close proximity. Third, removal of protective emotional outer layer with care to evaluate response to inner self. Fourth, repeat step third (lol, I know that reads wrong but it just flowed like that) as needed. Fifth, continue repeated exposure as the situation calls for, up to and including the removal of out physical coverings.
Again I say, this is my modus operandi. It is not for everyone, and I would even go so far as to say very few. It is those few I wish for, because based on current circumstances, those few are not in a local vicinity.
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Do you state all this on your dating profile? you will not find it if no one it is what you are looking for.
Mermaidfantasy
Level 7
May 17, 2019
0
I have a similar outlook on this topic. Not many people seem to feel the same way I do. In this day and age, people who are celibate are kind of looked down on.
SKH78
Level 8
May 16, 2019
3
it's definitely an uphill struggle
I liken it to food. A cheeseburger at Mc'Ds, or a home grilled master piece. I'll go with the later every time.
That is true and that's very sad. I can tell someone that I screwed 15-men in one day and people will tell me that's my decision that they don't judge. I could also tell them that I am not interested in sex unless I am in a committed relationship and they judge me and think I'm a complete Nutter
I'm not sure you should consider yourself celibate. I recall a comment that held the opinion that a volcano is still considered active even if it hasn't gone off in 50 years!
I gave up. Just quit looking. To hell with it. And THEN...well, when you're not looking, things happen.
mischl
Level 8
May 16, 2019
3
I will say looking has been intermittent at best. Between kids, work, dealing with the ex, karate and house/lawn work I am not left with much.
I've done the exact same thing I've given up looking for someone. If it happens it's going to be happenstance only
I had it explained as” sex is a matter of friction and lubrication, love is a matter of communication to get closer”. You can have sex with a hooker or a vibrator. You can only make love to another person who you know and are known to. Making love is better.
Detritus
Level 7
May 16, 2019
5
@Phayon;
The dating situation you describe depends a lot on you.
I see you only posted one pic. That won't work to well for you. A.com allows plenty of pics; so post plenty - of you doing different things, dressed differently. Women want to "identify" with potential partners; so use that to your advantage.
Go in to more detail in you bio. Ever married? kids? Things you do for fun? Food prefs? Job/career? Let the ladies know what you do and how you like doing it.
Of course dating and meeting folk is awkward. Just buck-up...do some positive self-talk, and start interacting more.
Robecology
Level 9
May 16, 2019
4
W O W ! Never thought I'd see a male , seeing it from this point of view ! You are amazing ! Ever since , " the pill ," became available , " dating " has changed from a period of time , spent together , to get to know one another , to , " I'm here , you owe me sex ."
Cast1es
Level 9
May 16, 2019
8
Thank you, i'd have to attribute it to looking at other couples. There was something noticeably different when interpersonal understanding was prioritized. A thick and hearty connection if you will. I noticed inside jokes, consideration for the other with literally no benefit and in some cases discomfort taken on by one to surprise the other. It just seemed so beautiful that I decided at a young age that was what I wanted.
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