So, I don't really know if this belongs here of not, but I'm going to out it here anyway. It feels like I just got a knife in the heart. It was placed there completely unintentionally, but it's there nonetheless.
I've been talking to and becoming very good friends with a girl I know. I finally just got up the courage to tell her I have feelings for her and ask her if she does for me. She admitted that she does.
That got my heart pumping and my face smiling everything else that intimate feelings do to you. But, immediately after, she said she doesn't want a relationship right now. I know that's not much of a thing to be upset over given that she's already said she likes me too, but it still hurt.
I know she doesn't owe me shit. That's not what this is about. I just needed to let my thoughts out before I ball them all up inside and let them get to me. I mean, we're still friends. Nothing will get in the way of that. I've just got these feelings for her that I can't act on and it's so frustrating. I don't know what to do right now.
3
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
9 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.This is SO familiar to me. I met someone in December that I had strong feelings for pretty quickly. He said he had feelings, but couldn't do a serious relationship. I cried many times thinking about him. It took months to be able to think of him and not be sad. I'm much better now.
My advice is this:
Don't hold out hope that things will change. Most likely they won't. It sucks. It hurts.
Eventually open up your heart to let someone else in. There are other good people out there you can connect with.
Cut off contact...even if that means a weaning process. I couldn't just cut off contact cold turkey. He's a great man. I am just slowly texting less and less.
Cabsmom
Level 8
Sep 5, 2019
0
Confusing signals right?
Lots of great advice given below..
Myself, when ever someone has said "doesn't want a relationship right now.".. smartest thing you can do is believe them, and act accordingly..
Be a good friend , and if you cant, then move on..
hippydog
Level 8
Sep 4, 2019
1
I suspect that when you told her you had feelings for her she didn't know what to say. She probably felt obligated to say she had feelings for you too even if her feelings didn't go beyond platonic. She then tried to correct herself by saying she didn't want a relationship now. Believe her.
If a relationship with someone is what you want, look elsewhere. She is not receptive to a relationship with you beyond platonic.
dare2dream
Level 7
Sep 4, 2019
3
Best thing you can do is just say you understand it is not the right time to take it to the next step No explanation needed and continue as you are and in your small talk between the two of you let your feelings and thoughts out slowly over a period of time. Not just one big blurb at once ‘ That will loose her. She does not to be over whelmed and as she sees you doing she may open up a little here and there. I think slow and steady non pushy and total respect for her thoughts and feelings will go along way in furthering your relationship. But no guarantees any way it is handled
RoyMillar
Level 9
Sep 4, 2019
2
One of my main strengths is consistency. I'm gonna be the same guy tomorrow, next week, and maybe next year. As for you, when she sees that over time, it may overcome her fickle heart.
mischl
Level 8
Sep 4, 2019
1
Yes, I agree with fickle. Somehow that’s a good word to me-for me. Fickle today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll stand on firmer ground.
Keep interacting with her. Maybe she has a dilemma about you as well. The right time and the right place will emerge.
Our_existence
Level 9
Sep 4, 2019
2
The two of you can still have what you have, it just won't be what she envisions as a "relationship". Some people have pretty rigid ideas of what Relationship means, and may not want to repeat mistakes from their past. Examples of that might be: jealousy, possessiveness, feeling controlled or controlling. You can still probably hold her, listen and talk with her, enjoy her company, her face, the sound of her voice. You don't need to put a name on it.
BitFlipper
Level 8
Sep 4, 2019
3
UUNJ:
Agreed. She may assume that being in a relationship requires sex, and she’s not feeling that vibe.
Excellent advice. There may be all sorts of things going on in her life that you are not aware of that makes a "relationship" difficult (if not impossible for her right now. Just be there for her and give it a little time....
Did she give you any reasons why she didn’t want a relationship right now?
It’s good to get your feelings out and sometimes writing them down can help see things a little clearer. I’m happy she said she had feelings too and happy the friendship remains. Just have to wait and see and talk some more.
Hazydays
Level 7
Sep 4, 2019
1
MizJ:
If she gets the feeling that he is constantly pushing for more it may sour her feelings. If she needs time and or space that should be given. If and when she is ready she will let him know.
Recent Visitors 82
Photos 164 More
Posted by UnitySomeday my princess will appear before me. ❤️
Posted by AtheistPeace666Hello I'm a single Canuck looking for my special lady Canuck.
Posted by KhaCRYou ever feel like you found the perfect sexual partner then he turns out to be a complete 💩bag and you can’t find the satisfaction in other encounters?
Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.
Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.
Posted by KateOahuYes, I agree that the reverse is also true.
Posted by JolantaThis is what women have to put up with and then they want to be intimate while we are still angry because they will not do their share of housework.
Posted by JolantaDucky, Snookums....
Posted by SorchaThis is a guy I was talking to from okcupid. He is totally new to online dating and it shows.
Posted by JolantaThat’s Amore. Some women are just far too shallow.
Posted by JolantaSomething for real intimacy perhaps.
Posted by Green_Soldier71Has anyone here had any experience with (or known someone who has/had) a SEXLESS MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP or a FRIGID PARTNER?
Posted by EyesThatSmileNakedness.
Posted by LetzGetRealMy family has often commented how I should become a "cougar"... as I look pretty good at my age and have a younger mindset than some of my peers, I guess this is there rationale?
Posted by Ann-1980The 4 types of Intimacy to feel sufficient, satisfied & healing in a love relationship.
Posted by Philip21over the top thinking? [agnostic.com]