How to get over the trust factor with people i last my wife quite a while ago to cancer
it took me a while before o got back into the dating so far over last 10 years i have only been dating with 2 different girls for a couple of year for both
but unfortunately they both just used me and one took all me and left me homeless now thay have fought me way back up i am very untrusting of women any more
4
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11 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.It sucks that everyone has to abuse a relationship just to get what they want.
Unclehotrod
Level 7
Nov 2, 2019
4
It's frightening how many people out there have ulterior motives and no interest in a relationship.
Trust is something that's earned not given. When it comes to relationships I have the same problem. My advice is to never test the waters with both feet.
Kojaksmom
Level 8
Nov 2, 2019
3
lost:
i agree with you yes
but i do have this bad hanit of when some one is nic e to me i start thinking what do they want
First step is finding YOUR self worth and not letting anyone in that doesn’t give you a good feeling, respects you and you feel ‘in your gut’ trustworthy. Keep those walls up until they prove themselves to you.
Hazydays
Level 7
Nov 2, 2019
3
lost:
i have found me i know know who i am today
stil have those walls and i feel that is one reason i ma still alone for now have to learn to allow a few people in
You shouldn't judge all women based on the actions of just two! Where did you find these two? You need to take care of self, rent, electricity, etc. First! Then, if you want, you can do other things.. Rent and power comes first... I feel so sad for you.. I hope you don't repeat this..
Cutiebeauty
Level 9
Nov 1, 2019
1
lost:
well she came back and was asking for more help and i told her that i do not have extra and will not help her so now she does not speak to me which is a good thing
@lost good decision.. If anyone just wants your money, it's a bad sign.
lost:
i do not judge all women because of some bad relationship as i know they are not all the same abd there are some very good ones out there and that is what i do hope to find one
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am just as gullible as any human. However, I have a son who lives close enough to catch me if I fall and my only daughter lives with me since her breakup. She digs into my business because I have been gullible in the past. She will not allow me to give money. No one can live with me and any boyfriend has to pass muster.
This works for me. Don’t know how many fall into this space. Most don’t and I’m sorry.
I’m glad you have agnostic.com. Maybe you can ask questions about your relationships and what’s going on inside them. You can get a lot of assistance from a lot of knowledgeable people who have been where you are.
Annabelle95991
Level 6
Nov 1, 2019
2
that is a bummer,some men or women do that,,One rule a lot of older people use do not get invilved with any one who,s assets are less than your so if something happens good chance you will come out ok if you have a prenuptial that states that what you had before you got involved stays wiwth each partner ,if there is any gain than maybe that can be split,,But sometimes love is stronger and the other person may have nothing ,one has to know the other person and trust is the big thing,so easy to get burned by the unexpected
RoyMillar
Level 9
Nov 1, 2019
0
UUNJ:
The only problem with that logic is that most women who’ve taken time off work to raise kids haven’t had the benefit of uninterrupted income earning. And in cases of divorce, women typically come out worse off financially than their ex husbands.
lost:
@UUNJ i agree with you uunj and there is also a situation were a person worked extra hard for most of his life so much that the dody started to break down and is forced ro retire early and made to live on a very small lension just enough to rent a room ( toronto prices ) and buy food have local transit and have just over to maybe go to macdonalds for a once a month lunch but they atill judge you as not worthy society of today hase become very materialestic they want things not love
I agree there needs to be trust for the relationship to work. What I see is that people in their 50’s, 60’s and 70’s looking for a partner carry a lot of mistrust with them and are much more careful going into relationships than they ever used to be. Time is the only healer...and some wounds take much longer to heal.
EyesThatSmile
Level 8
Nov 1, 2019
3
lost:
and i want to be able to trust
Learn to spot red flags and set and stick to your boundaries... if the woman does not respect your boundaries and crosses them, dump her. Do not let loneliness make you stay with someone that gives you a bad feeling... the moment one or both of these women started asking for or demanding money or financial support you should have said no or dumped them. Some people will be easier to take advantage of and predators seek out those types... unfortunately you were targetted by such predators... sorry to hear this happened to you.
demifeministgal
Level 8
Nov 1, 2019
2
lost:
than you and yes s they saw my weakness and pounced on it
i had just started to let the walls down and they forced those walls up agian but the walls are down now and i am very cautous any more
Most married couples have separate bank accounts. Trust is overrated in relationships.
St-Sinner
Level 9
Nov 1, 2019
2
lost:
for a relationship there has to be trust
@lost
Not true universally.
- Yes to some but not to others. One shoe does not fit all.
- All relationships are transactional. The only, yes the only exception of a selfless relationship and love is mother's and father's. A relationship is nothing more than a transactional agreement of - I make you happy, you make me happy. Nothing more.
- We often romanticize a relationship. Especially the kids who grew up on fairy tales. Women and men have the Cinderella syndrome well into their old age. A very few are pragmatic.
- There are many people with many aspirations in this world of 7 billion people. Everyone who is in a relationship is not in love and vice versa.
- Most problems start with incorrect expectations.
- Some of the best relationships are friendships with no expectations. Just good people, good hearts.
- All or nothing in a relationship is a bad approach. A smart approach is pick the best in every situation, person, place etc. A life's journey is really cherry picking. That is what we all do in life, just don't admit it.
- At this stage, nobody is going to be dedicated to us. Everybody has a life, kids, grandkids, jobs, bad experiences and are gun shy. Everything will take time
- People sometimes leave because we don't have what they need. We can learn from experiences
- We should understand why people want relationships. Not everyone is straight. Some need dependencies, a rescue, support, help in old age, a solution to loneliness, sex, or a better life they cannot have on own. But some mask it as love, liking etc. It is often mixed with other motives.
Someone like I can be happy with a great companion who can laugh with me, share stories, enjoy beautiful things in life like movies, restaurants, travel etc. Sex is not necessary and finances will not be mixed. Trust increases every day and behavior improves accordingly. We can decide to continue or we can decide to break away. I will not be heart broken. I am nice and gentlemanly but I am not emotional. I am having the best time of my life.
But do what is important to you.
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