Many years ago i dated a guy who defined intimacy as having sex. i suspect he's not the only guy who thinks this.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.There are tons of definitions of intimacy on this platform. Not one is correct. Most regular people understand what intimacy is, but not here. Women mix a lot of emotions and actions with intimacy including trust, security, cooking, laundry, romance, holding hands, PDA, commitment, flowers etc.
Commitment = Commitment (not intimacy)
Trust = Trust (not intimacy)
Security = Security (not intimacy)
There is a reason why the dictionary has different words for other feelings.
St-Sinner
Level 9
Nov 12, 2019
0
commitment is doing what you say you are going to do.
@truthsayer Correct. It is not intimacy.
It is a type of intimacy but it is not the only type of intimacy... too bad he didn't see kissing, holding hands, snuggling and sharing intimate thoughts/feeling with one another as intimacy too.
demifeministgal
Level 8
Nov 11, 2019
1
@JesseThompson well OBVIOUSLY... as someone that only shares sexual intimacy with those I have a bond or trust in, I know this better than those in the hookup culture 
@JesseThompson I've also never had a license (wasn't legally permitted to) but I am lucky I was born into a city and not a backwards ass town/village.... so that public transportation (subways, buses) and taxis and ubers were/are options for me to get around.
Yeaa the guys that would only like me for sex I was able to freeze out aka they were not gonna get sex from me anytime soon so if they wanted a hookup so bad they had to move on to the next woman. It has served me well for the majority of men.... unfortunately some men like "a challenge" and stuck around longer than I thought before I found out they were scumbags... they still didn't get sex cuz something felt off about them and my instincts were right.
It's a mix of lucky and not so lucky mixed with not trusting easily for me. heh
Interesting that his definition - "many years ago"...stayed on your mind.
So it's obviously hard to get his side of the story as well.
Was his definition the basis of a defining moment? Maybe you "weren't ready" and this question you posed prompted a break-up? Too many loose ends to generalize that it's a "guy" thing.
Robecology
Level 9
Nov 10, 2019
0
i was ready, and we did have sex for some months. but i couldn't hack it without more affection so i quit dating him.
@truthsayer ....and there you have it,...you defined "intimacy" succinctly...right there.."we did have sex for some months"...if it were more "intimate" you could have said "we made love" or "were lovers"....so something was blocking that level of intimacy. Kudos for getting out....you obviously were not on the same page of intimacy...
I just asked my boyfriend to define intimacy.
He said it’s anything that brings two people closer together in the moment.
He said even ‘this’ is intimate to me (as he flexed his foot to bring attention to the fact our feet are touching while we sit next to each other watching tv on the recliner.
That’s just one guys take on intimacy. I guess it means so many different things to many people.
Hazydays
Level 7
Nov 10, 2019
0
Last week i went to a sex workers outreach event, trying to explain to the public about their situation. 1. sex work is not human trafficking. 2. criminalizing normal human behavior is a recipe for disaster. 3. most of what they are doing is healing work, for example for vets with PTSD who can barely stand to be touched and single men who have cerebral palsy or parkinson's.
our society here in the usa is so conflicted about touch that kindergarten teachers are afraid to hug their students. that's crazy.
add to that the whole thing about money. sex, like motherhood, is sacred, and money isn't. a dicey combination.
truthsayer
Level 4
Nov 10, 2019
0
teachers should not be hugging kids anyways... are you not unaware of various psychological or other disorders where touch is too stimulating or overwhelming for the person? Then there are victims of sexual abuse/rape that also may be triggered by being hugged against their consent. And what should these kids have to disclose these kinds of medical conditions or traumas because they have touchy feely teachers? Um no.
@demifeministgal consider the psychological damage when a small child wants to hug the teacher they feel affection for and the teacher rejects them. consider the psychological damage when a kid's questions are ignored.
in general, it's best to let the child take the lead in individual interactions, not just physical but emotional and intellectual. this is something adults can learn to do if they are committed to children's welfare.
@truthsayer Do you have evidence that demonstrates being denied one hug causes psychological damage? Because that sounds like reaching tbh.
I remember being told once that men fall in love to have sex and that women have sex when they are in love. I am not sure that I agree with this other than that men and woman likely view sex and also intimacy differently and probably differently at certain stages of their lives. It is part of what keeps it interesting. I know I certainly view intimacy differently now than I did when I was 18, perhaps the fellow in question has a changed view as well. That is not to say that there are not some men who are older who cling to this view but most of us evolve as we age.
bobbio52
Level 5
Nov 10, 2019
1
Not all men think this way, my last BF said, "sex is just sex, intimacy is spending time together, doing shared interest, holding hands and taking care of each other, the little things".
Mermaidfantasy
Level 7
Nov 9, 2019
9
All those intimate "things" are BIG....being close nightly pillow talk morning ready to share a day that is intimate.....making love is sacred for me....becoming a wanted fulfilled lover is all about seeing the glow of satisfaction I see in her eyes and smile of contentment....when she shows how easy it is to please me THAT IS ANSWERED prayers both ways hers and mine....pain relief and sharing aging lives gracefully
Smart man. I hope he isn't your last, you are too young and attractive to give up on men. 
@EdEarl I will never give up on men, I love and respect them and I know someday I will meet the right person that I can have the kind of intimate relationship I want and deserve.
@Mermaidfantasy You are a fantasy too far away.
intimacy covers a gamut of situations, not just sex
TheDoubter
Level 9
Nov 9, 2019
1
Physical intimacy is just one kind of intimacy.
GreatNani
Level 8
Nov 9, 2019
4
yes, spelling out maslow's progression let's say - the chakras of survival, sex, status, community, spirituality...
@truthsayer spirituality was never part of maslow's hierarchy... unless you consider self-actualization as a type of spirituality?
sex is a possible by-product of intimacy...
seattlepanda
Level 7
Nov 9, 2019
2
well, it's perfectly true that he and i had conversed and shared other activities before we did sex. in his case, his family of origin wasn't really physically affectionate, and he didn't know how to cuddle. so when he said 'intimate' he didn't have a full understanding of what i needed. but he was and is a perfectly honorable worthwhile guy.
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