So, intimacy is in my mind a culturally shaped concept, and western culture is Christian culture--I think we could all be happier and have better relationships if we open up as to what we think is innately us and what is cultural overlay. When sexuality is suppressed, it colors everything, and makes us look at relationships in a sex centered way. The alternative I would offer is instead to seek non-coercive, collaborative relationships. This umbrella has room for people who use all sorts of descriptors at present--it says nothing about preference, gender, level of sexuality, size of a relationship, exclusions of other relationships or the like. The first step is knowledge--a deep, detailed, understanding of each other is the basis for all, and this takes not just time and openness but also some skill--it is something many never experience. From such knowledge comes trust--Saying you trust someone you do not know that well is a shaky foundation. With trust comes deeper levels of collaboration, to where you can begin to think as if you were of one mind and do pretty well at it. The goal is a non-coercive relationship. You want to be able to say, your decision is my decision, your pain is mine, and your pleasure is my pleasure. Coercion creeps in in so many ways. Rules and boundaries are meaningless without coercion backing them up--I will be sad, I will be angry, I will leave you. If you make decisions not based on rules and boundaries but on an intimate knowledge of the other and an informed sense of oneness with the other person, the need for these disappear. Decisions are made in the moment rather than being based on dogma or rules. This is my experience.