Do you have the safe sex hazmat suit at the ready always?
One never knows.

@morlll I always carry a couple of these with me. The downside is that I have to carry a gigantic wallet.

That’s hysterical

It's remarkable and admirable that you initiate that conversation. The only times I've had a woman bring up the topic of sex is to announce that she's not interested.

Ever have someone overhear that conversation and freak out?Once had it over pizza and the younger woman across the aisle obviously went from"aww, isn't that sweet, two gray hairs having a date"to"OMG", when condoms and oral sex were being discussed.

@RonWilliam53 It wouldn’t occur to me to have the conversation where people could overhear.

@UUNJ What does the safer sex conversation include?

I will initiate that conversation when meeting a woman for the first time who might become a FWB - I have had women who were initially interested, change their minds, afraid that I was too interested in sex and it scared them.

While I understand their concern, a big part of any FWB relationship is they are going to include some intimacy, at some point. And I think its only fair to both of us to find out what our ground rules are before we get too committed. So, even if a sexual relationship might not happen for two to four dates (in some cases), it makes sense to find out how everyone feels up front; No?

Also, do most people here define safe sex as using a condom for intercourse? Or does safe sex include a person in a relatively monogamous relationship who tests for STD's before he or she sleeps with their new FWB? I understand the arguments that say testing is only good until you have sex with a new partner...but assuming that the person isn't that active sexually, and meets someone new; would testing by both partners before they become intimate suffice as safe sex for you? Again, assume both partners are not sexually active with others.

Or their own.

@dgmelp Safer sex is about being risk aware of your own and other partners’ STI status. If a potential partner has herpes, you have a right to know. If they take Valtrex, you may decide sex without a condom is OK. Or you may decide, “They aren’t on Valtrex but we’ll use an internal condom or other barrier.” (internal condom covers more skin) Most US docs don’t routinely screen for herpes because it’s so common, so you have to specifically request the test, if it’s important to you.
Also important is clarity on when a partner had their last STI test and whether you are both monogamous. If you are monogamous, be sure you agree on what that means, e.g., does oral sex with someone else’s count? Some people forget that most STIs can affect the mouth also. If you have multiple partners, barrier protection and preventive meds like PRep (hiv) are usually a good idea,
Everyone has a right to make their own decisions about the risks they are willing to take, but the system only works if everyone has all the information they need.

@GreatNani I don't think it's outdated at all, although I'm honestly shocked by the people I've met who waited until marriage. Now that's an outdated concept (not to mention risky)!

@Lauren well I am glad someone else doesnt think it is odd. I would not wait until marriage either. Particularly since I am never getting married again.

@GreatNani That would be a needless sacrifice! I didn't wait for marriage either, and told my girls I expected them to "kick the tires" before committing to someone. I think intimacy is too important a part of a relationship to leave to chance.

@Lauren good advice!

I've never jumped in bed with a stranger.. With all the diseases out there, I'm not willing to risk my health like that... And most of my gfs think the same..

No "hard and fast" rule about sex? How about just a general guideline about power and speed?

Seriously, though, I don't think waiting a while before being physically intimate is so outdated. I think it has a lot to do with the people involved and what sort of personalities they have. I try to be cautious and meticulous in everything I do, and sex is no different. Some people are uncomfortable waiting very long. I think it's actually easier for women to wait without inadvertantly signaling that they're not interested; it seems men are expected to move fast and, if they fail to do so, it's seen as an indication that he's not really into her.

@resserts I agree. It is easier for a woman to wait. But men should feel free to wait if they want to and find other ways to express interest.

@GreatNani Are you married now? Never say never they say. but what do they know.

@morlll not married now. Doubt I will ever marry again. Didnt enjoy it the first time!

It differs if you are already known to each other. My experience is that the older you both get, the more urgent the call of the sheets becomes ,initially.

I'm of the same persuasion.

Check the folds.

Aha, she has grown up at last?

@FrayedBear I get the joke, but no - it's been that long since any woman has been ready.

Interestingly, statistics have shown that young people are having LESS sex than seniors, even though one might expect the opposite. [thetimes.co.uk]

Why celibate now?

@DavidRussett i don't have a partner

Just curious, how often does that happen?

@SiouxcitySue Not as often as you'd think. When l was a younger man, it was about the physical connection. As we age, our priorities change as well. We tend to look into the heart and soul. Having said that. Sometimes that blood just doesn't rush south. But when it does.........GAME ON

It's been a real eye-opener for me.

@UrsiMajor Yeah I am for doing what ever is good with consent. The views of sex are loosing stigma or taboo. This could be problematic in the future with std's. Now it is a huge problem for religion. The problem is we evolved being sexal beings by necessity. Without a sex drive (that does not care about sexual orientation) we would not survive as a species. Evolution only requires us tonlove sex. As long as that is the case we will make babies as a whole.