theres more to sex than penetration as long as your both able to have intimacy and enjoy each other without negativity you will hopefully do fine

Neither one of you should feel guilt for what has happened. i think maybe the reason you do is that you love each other very much and want the best for each other that neither can give any longer. life changes constantly. my favorite saying is life is what happens while you're making other plans. there may be no solution other than what you are already doing. no harm in that to be honest with each other. acceptance can also bring peace . . .

There are other ways to be physically intimate that don't involve sexual intercourse. It's about the closeness, trust, and sharing, and finding other ways to turn each other on. It sounds like you and your wife really love each other, that type of support is priceless. Perhaps you can work together to find something that works for both of you.

I can so relate to your situation. My wife has a neurological disorder which is slowly causing her more confusion as well as having put her in a wheelchair. Physical intimacy gets more problematic as her condition has worsened, but more so the emotional and intellectual connection grows more tenuous with time.

Hi, Len — I’m a sexuality educator, and I hear your struggle. I encourage couples with physical challenges to rethink what sexual expression looks like. Maybe it’s oral instead of vaginal, or using hands, or watching a partner self pleasure while sharing erotic stories (or reading erotic fiction or watching porn). Some couples find it satisfying to recall erotic times they shared in the past. By all means, enjoy your solo pleasure without guilt. Research shows that most people with partners also masturbate. It’s perfectly healthy, improves sleep, and brings a little joy when times are tough.

Been there myself - but, then someone in the marriage has to end up playing the "till death do us part" card.. I like to think I had 3 women in one - the first woman kept us going in the early years, then many years of casual, calm, suburban life - then the last years when I took care of her. I considered it Payback for the good times she gave me and what she gave up for me. When she died, I whispered, "the debt is payed". Still there was mental intimacy - we completed each others thoughts, she made me a better cook and person... yeah, I miss that as much as, maybe even more, than the sex.

but, your mileage may vary

Same boat my friend.

I think you're a good man with your head on straight.