glad to be here although I was widowed at age 50 I was also widowed at age 29..never thought I would have to go thru it again..Both were sudden and unexpected deaths and traumatic..Although I have gotten past the shock I really thought I would grow old with both of them. I have dated occasionally but haven't found anyone I would even want to have as a companion..It's hard because I don't go to church nor am I a barfly..am leary of online relationships but they have worked out well for some I know..I have no children and my parents and siblings have died but I have good friends which helps. Although friends are so important unless you have experienced the loss of a spouse you can't really understand..
6
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5 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.We are glad you joined the group. Many of us have experienced much of what you have been through, and I hear you about online relationships. I thought I had a connection with someone from the site, but when we met it just did not feel right to me. I don’t believe I will try that again! 
Thank you for sharing with the group.
Redheadedgammy
Level 9
Aug 18, 2021
2
Welcome to the club that no one wants to be a member of. You and I have a lot in common. My wife died three years ago from ALS. Since then, I have found no one I particularly want to be with. I have no children, don't use online dating, don't go to church, I'm an only child, so no siblings, both of my parents died years ago. I don't go to bars, so I know exactly how you feel. I have friends, but there is something definitely missing in my life, and I'm not sure what to do about it.
Spudgun
Level 7
Aug 18, 2021
2
it's hard to be alone at times would like to have someone to go to dinner with or a movie have wonderful friends but sometimes you just need a good hug or a kiss
Welcome to the club. I took a different route, married with a daughter and then divorced. Lived with a woman for 12 years (5 wonderful) and then splitsville. Finally married and, like you, thought it would last a long time but only 16 wonderful years.Her death was fairly fast, painless and easy and was an inspiration to many especially me. It's been 5 years and one thing I've learned it don't look for love but look for a friend. Starting with a sometimes companionship can be critical. BTW, my very successful marriage started as a long distance deal. It has benefits and can work if one is open minded.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Aug 17, 2021
1
feel like I'm open to what ever comes along think being friends first is the way to go..need to develop friendship/relationship over time
@conniengcs ABSOLUTELY. Things change over time and my feelings have changed as well. Now 5 years of living totally alone I wonder if I would be ready for a committed, intimate relationship. I have a therapist here and we have talked about relationships and, like you, it must start with a non-committed friendship. I have thought, even with long distances (I have done that several times), an occasional visit could be possible. We have a strong sense of community here (each of the 4 big islands have their own culture and ours is the community island) but under our governors sensible mandates, group gatherings are going down. We all agree we are a social creature and need other people even if on an occasional meeting.
i lost one wife. you've had more than your share of grief. i hope it eases with time
TheDoubter
Level 9
Aug 17, 2021
1
thank you for sharing. It our common experience and yet each experience is unique isn't it?
bookofmorons
Level 9
Aug 17, 2021
2
being widowed twice proved to me that each was different it is difficult for someone to understand friends have empathy but no experience
@conniengcs Very much agree
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