Three months and it feels like yesterday. I'm so lost, I can't see tomorrow. Sometimes I see him from the corner of my eye and my heart starts pounding, then the reality hits and I feel like I'm dying. The sadness is overwhelming, I miss him so much, his laugh, his touch, his presents in our home.
Eighteen years is not enough, I want, need more.
7
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.The first three months I cried all the time, in supermarkets, in the post office, at the bank always when people gave me a hug. At home , oh so often. Then for a month I immersed myself into near death experiences and I found hope. These came from all over the world but the surgeon who'd seen about a thousand gave me hope. Actually very few were Christian. Most people just experienced pure love. I don't care what people believe. Like Krishnamurti, I don't believe in anything. To me Atheism is a religion. The fact is we do not have a clue what happens after death but these experiences give us hope. Maybe we enter a 4th or 5th dimension where it would make no sense for us to see it and no sense for them to return. I had a cardiac arrest and was very quickly brought back to life. Too quickly but like those others I know that love is the only thing that matters and I do not fear death.
Now 2 years have passed and I remember her with smiles and very, very occasionally with tears. Part of her is watching me and nudges me when she does not approve!
rogerbenham
Level 8
Nov 3, 2021
2
It's just over five months since I lost my love, my best friend. Christmas was hard and now New Year's Eve. My eyes seem to have a permanent leak. My heart aches so much.
About Atheism, I don't know. All I know for sure is, I don't know what I don't know. There are too many definitions, so I guess it is personal to the individual.
@Betty It seems that the leeks never permanently stop. But that was because the loved one was so real a love.
@rogerbenham The love we had was so complete, the trust was absolute. He fulfilled my dreams and my wishes. The emptiness he left behind is vast and physical. That kind of love is so rare and I miss him with every fiber of my being. The Christmas, New Year holiday season was his favorite. It is so empty here without him. I am so lost. 
@Betty Believe me I hear you. Jeannie and I lived most of our time together. She was working as an RN whilst I was living as a pioneer creating a small farm. But when she was home we were fully together. She retired about 9 years after our marriage and from then we really did not need other people much. I am told that our love was really rare. The odd part is that we disagreed about lots of things, we rarely solved our disagreements but it never mattered. We loved each other far too much to be bothered by disagreements. We had promised to never try to change the other and always to encourage spiritual growth. This allowed us to go in different directions but again that never mattered!
@rogerbenham A true love based on respect and trust can overcome just about anything. My love earned my absolute trust and trust is the basis of all emotions. I earned his trust and he earned mine. To have that is a treasure in my book. To have that is everything to me, losing him means I have lost something so precious the value of which is inconceivable. My heat is not just broken, it is shattered.
We were together only 16 year’s. The memories are still there and always will be even after 5 years. Hang in there. There will be good times ahead but only if you let them.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Oct 17, 2021
3
Very sorry for your loss. I just past the three year mark of losing my husband in June of 2018. It is a difficult journey for most all of us, but with the love of friends and family we move forward ever so slowly. Remember to take care of yourself as this is a time for your own healing too. We are here to listen and offer advice to help you. 
Redheadedgammy
Level 9
Oct 17, 2021
5
I know the feeling;it's been a little over three years for me
WayneDalton
Level 8
Oct 17, 2021
2
When you love someone there will never be enough time. It sounds like you have many wonderful memories to treasure and keep him alive in your heart.
My husband died 9 years ago. In some ways I was fortunate that he had a long illness to prepare me for the loss. He was not fortunate because of what he had to endure before dying.
I was also fortunate that I needed to figure out how to maintain my standard of living so that kept me busy for at least the first year. I also had friends that pushed me to stay active and that is probably the best solution for most people. I hope you can find something that you love to do so you can be busy as often as possible.
Lorajay
Level 9
Oct 17, 2021
6
what you say is right to the point and so true. i lost my wife six years ago. good memories and activity carry you through.
I agree. My husband was my business partner so I also lost my business when he unexpectedly died, and I had a toddler to care for, so that first year I was tenuously focused on helping her through her grief and keeping our home. While it seemed at the time like an unfair compounding of my grief, I've often thought in retrospect that it saved me.
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