I could not have asked for a better partner. He's loving, caring, funny, attentive and compassionate. I miss him so much. My heart aches for him, his touch, his voice, his smile, his eyes, he would look at me with such love and tenderness. I'm so afraid of forgetting. I'm sad at the emptiness left behind.
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5 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.You won’t forget him, and will always have your memories Betty. The first year is hard for a lot of people. I was still crying a lot that first year as I missed Richard so much. I am coming up on year 4 of losing him and it is much easier this year. My life has gone on, with family stuff, grandkids and making new friends after moving to California. Be gentle with yourself and go with the flow. Your emotions will be up and down, that’s normal. You are grieving Betty, give yourself time and take care of yourself above all else.
Redheadedgammy
Level 9
Mar 14, 2022
2
I'm trying. Thank you.
@Betty Remember self care too Betty. We tend to forget about doing things that are comforting for us when we grieve. If you can, go get a massage and relax your body and mind. One of my dear friends gave me the gift of a full body massage when I had been without Richard for 6 months. It was such a positive feeling for me, really helped me a great deal. I wish you well.
If I had died before my partner, the last thing I would have wanted was for her to spend years with a painful memory. We discussed this possibility and agreed to make the mourning time as short as possible. A neighbor who knew us once told me, you know she would have given you maybe two weeks. I replied that is great as when you truly love someone you want whats best for them. The simple fact is she no longer gets to enjoy life and I do so I want to make the most of it. Our past, loving partnerships will always be in our memories but they should not make us sad (there's enough going on today to do that and we don't need to add another issue).
JackPedigo
Level 9
Mar 13, 2022
2
The memories are painful because there will be no more made. The emptiness and silence makes my heart ache.
@Betty I think memories, by their very nature are things that have passed. My late partner (she was the third long term, committed woman in my life and the best) had severe osteoporosis. It was bad when we first got married and, after 16 years it only got worse. Her biggest nightmare would being confined to a wheelchair. That would have been miserable for me as well so she embraced an easy and quick brain tumor. The way she handled that process of death left a lot of positive memories. A lifetime of a major disability would not have presented many good memories. A friend and neighbor had a husband who had Parkinson's. The last ten years of his life only presented pain and arguments. She never talks of that time.
@JackPedigo My first husband had medical problems the last five years of his life. He died in 2001 and along with the sadness there was a measure of relief for the end of his suffering. Ray was not suffering, he had diabetes and high blood pressure that was monitored and treated with medication. He went for a nap and never woke up. It was sudden and unexpected.
Laughing and teasing, planning out the next few days to absolute silence. 
condolences. the pain eases but never fades completely. i lost my wife 7 years ago
TheDoubter
Level 9
Mar 13, 2022
3
The eight month mark is coming up and it hurts just as much now.
@Betty it takes time
It is tough.
When we are young we say the words "til death do you part" without any real thought about what that actually means until one of you finds out.
bookofmorons
Level 9
Mar 13, 2022
3
He was only sixty-seven, still too young.
@Betty My wife was 52 and we had a young family at home. I still take comfort in the fact we had years of what many people never experience. helps a bit
