Thank you.

So many people have told me that I was lucky to have had such a love. They don't seem to realize that I know that best of all. That awful three-letter word "had", makes the pain come back in full force. My memories are wonderful and oh so sweet but they also hurt like hell with the knowledge that there will never be another one made.
I don't share with anyone around my home anymore, I just smile and laugh at their jokes and spend a lot of time alone. I don't want to be reminded that I was lucky or he is in a better place. He's not here and if I hear another comment about how lucky I am, I will scream.

It's nice you can do a tree. I can't. No decorations and I try to avoid the stores. I just can't.

@Betty understandable. Still have my son living with me (recent grad but no job just yet) and live in my own home so not sure what I'll do if and when I move to another place.

And stores - worst part of the whole season. I hate the pressure of gift buying . . . everyone has pretty much everything they need already. Mostly buy at local craft fairs and small businesses - makes it more personal

@bookofmorons Having your son must be a comfort.

The stores, well...for me it is the Christmas music and all that festive cheer that I am avoiding.

@Betty it is but he also misses his mother at this time of year .... nothing easy in this life but its still worth it

@bookofmorons You have each other and can share the sweetness of the memories as well as comfort and support each other through the pain. No one will understand that better than your son for you and you for your son.

Support each other, cry, yell, heck have a pillow fight if it helps. You will get through the holidays together and come out of it a little stronger...a little closer. Maybe you and he can create a little tradition that will keep her a part of the holidays going forward and that may become a comfort. Whatever you choose to do you know you have each other. Be kind to yourself, I know it is hard. You are not alone.