This is the safest place I know to share this and I need to share.
That first conversation revealed a connection, a mutual need for honest communication, respect, and trust. For the first time, someone understood how my mind functioned and intuitively anticipated my needs, wants, and desires. He valued me and I felt safe with him. On difficult days/nights when upset and anger overtook me, a look, gesture, or a light touch was enough to calm me. No topic was off-limits and no darkness was too shameful or too difficult to share. His quirky sense of humour could always break the tension in any room and each day he surprised a laugh out of me. It is the little daily things I miss so much. We were each other's priority, support, and soft place to fall. In his arms was home, we were content and happy, the balance perfect for us. Trust was mutual and absolute. I was a better version of myself with him and when he died he took that with him. There is only one other person who knows and understands me and the depth of my loss.
Christmas was his favourite season. His joy was infectious and consistent. We took delight in every task and no matter how small, it was an opportunity to play, laugh, and enjoy each other. There was a magical quality to the season that elevated the mind and heart. What is left of me aches for him, he was my home and that is where I belonged, but now it’s gone.
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I love the way you write and describe the love you shared with a most wonderful man. I truly wish I could have met him just by the way you write about your life together. Know that there are others that understand completely why you are so sad. Sending you a hug.
Redheadedgammy
Level 9
Dec 21, 2023
2
Thank you. There are so many of the little things we did at this time of year that I miss so much.
@Betty I know Betty. Today was a little emotional for me as Richard and I always did our baking on the Winter Solstice together. But today I found that I wasn't in tears like the first two years after he passed, and I had a nice time wrapping up my little loaves of zucchini bread and taking them to my sweet new neighbors. I'm learning to do all those things on my own now. It gets a little less hard as the years go on. You never stop missing them, but it does get easier.
@Redheadedgammy Maybe someday it will hurt a little less. Everyone keeps telling me it will.
@Betty Losing a great love is very hard on the heart, but we do eventually stop feeling so sad. You don't stop missing them, but the tears come less often. Give yourself time, and don't feel you need to move through the grief process on some kind of timeline.
@Redheadedgammy I hope so.
a lovely tribute to that special person who "completed" you.
I totally understand the loss but also believe it was amazing that you had that experience as many never do. Know that doesn't heel the pain right now
K
bookofmorons
Level 9
Dec 21, 2023
2
Thank you.
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