I lost my wife of 35 years in April too. She passed from cancer about 6 months after being diagnosed. I miss her. During her illness we became closer than ever. She encouraged me to go on living and to try to be happy after her death. I am sure that your wife had the same hopes for you. We had 35 years with our spouses, now we have memories. It's time to move on and create some new ones.

Thanks, Folks. I really didn't expect this level of response to my original post. I'm both grateful and mildly amazed. The responses I've gotten have all generated an emotional reaction from me. You guys are the best.

I can relate, my wife has senile dementia and is 7 years into it. It's early onset and started when we were in our mid 50's, we are now 62. I'm her caregiver and have not worked in three years. I realize she will have to go into a home at some point, my mom just passed with the same disease so I know what's coming.

My wife died from ALS too (2012)! I was able to take care of her at home with the help of Hospice. After caring for her for years she was gone and I realized I had outlived my purpose, outlived my reason to live.

The good news for us here is we get to start over. We get to write the next chapter of our life almost anyway we want too. But before we start the next chapter we must close the last painful chapter and turn the page. We must let go of our attachments in the past.

Glad you are here. .Welcome. From my own experience I can tell you that it does get easier. It’s been a long time for me and I still get choked up when I hear our song. Just take a deep and enjoy the memories.

I’m so sorry you had to go through that. I can only imagine how hard that must be to watch your loved one decline like that. Unable to stop or change the outcome. My heart goes out to you.
You will likely get choked up for many many years to come. When you feel it, let it come and let it out.
I’m happy you found this group also. This is the place to talk about it around people who just ‘get it’.
Love and hugs.

You are among friends here. No one will judge or rush you. Caring for someone who is suffering is heartbreaking. You will eventually find a new normal, a routine that works for you. Until then talk to someone about her and your life together and/or share here when you feel ready to. I wish you well.

I am glad you did too

This is so fresh. I'm sorry for you loss.
I completely get being triggered by what would otherwise be innocuous things. In the equivalent time frame of my loss I was still in full on mentally hemorrhaging from the pain of losing my husband.

I am coming to the second anniversary of her death. The first year is tough. Don't make any major decisions this first year. I specifically planned on scattering her ashes on the one year anniversary of her death, sort of a way to force me to move on, and oddly the simple act of spreading her ashes was also the act of letting go. It helped.

She had requested to be spread near a campgound along a bike path. I think on this second anniversary I will load the camping gear on the bike and take a ride to that campground.