I've been totally lost. My world revolved around my wife. I don't know about more self centered but my focus has shifted

Self centered? Only in the sense that my threshold for bullshit is much lower. Things that upset me that I'd "put up with" or "explain away" in the past are one way tickets to "see ya-ville".

Maybe I needed to become this way, long overdue.

On the other hand that's a luxury. Maybe it's a throwback of being spoiled on being completely not in need of anyone, ever, and now there are things that I've got to figure out and like "honey, I wish you'd told me where it is that you used to turn the water off in the basement"(you know, before you die?) and now I've got to ask neighbors. I don't like it. ^That was a conversation we never had and I still don't know how to turn the water off, and I don't want to ask anyone either.

The welcome mat is nicely decorated with sharp objects buried within.

I think you sound perfectly normal. Take care of yourself and everything will balance out.

I just feel numb. And lost. And totally off balance.

Where I live that would be almost impossible. We both were extremely active and I often have to take up some of the void with the community which she left. I just heard that after my accident (all communication was down on the islands so no one could call 911) a couple saw me lying on the road out and bleeding and said "that is Parvin's husband". They drove to the local fire station to report the accident. Interestingly, state law mandates the Ham operators be a part of the emergency line and they were here.

First of all it is important to realise two things. One, you are still in the early stages of grieving and what you are feeling is natural and part of a process which can vary from individual to individual. Two what you are feeling is a type of guilt because your focus has inevitably changed from your husband to yourself and that is a completely new experience. You call that self-centred, it is actually self preservation or the survival instinct. Each relationship is different, each marriage is individual to that couple and therefore there is no “one fits all “ way to cope with the loss of our partners. I can only tell my own story and give advice based on my experience which I hope will be helpful. First I would say be kind to yourself and don’t think you are being selfish, you are not. Let others help if they ask, and don’t hesitate to talk about how you feel and show your emotions to close friends and family, remembering they will be grieving too for your husband in their own way. After 8 years I can definitely say things get easier as time goes on, and you should fall into a new rhythm of life and this time it will be of your own design, you will be completely in control of everything you do. It depends a lot on whether you are content with your own company or whether you prefer companionship. I don’t know how old you are and if you are still a relatively young woman, that could be a factor, but in my case I was widowed at 65 and after a long and happy marriage have no desire to meet anyone else....although I have never ruled it out, it would just have to be a very rare and special man to interest me. We are all here for you if you need to talk, we are here to help.

I was a full time caregiver to my wife for five years full time before see died. Since she passed, I devote much more of my time to others. I've just had a small upset in doing that, so I may try to devote the extra time to myself.
So to answer your question. No

Well, the focus is naturally going to be on you because it's just you now. I lost my SO 2 1/2 years ago, and it took some time to figure out that I really had no one now. At least in the sense that I had no one to rely on if I got in a bind somehow. I live out of state from the rest of my family and relatives and John was the only one that was close to me. You'll find that being on your own you'll come to a certain independence that you thought you never had. You learn to become resilient, and with that, a certain amount of happiness (as well as some sadness, but that's to be expected).

Self centered in a way that I care about my happiness more. Self care was not something I was good at before Mike passed. I feel that he taught me to care more about myself. When it came to dating again, I felt like my decisions were based solely on my future happiness and my acceptance that I wouldn't , couldn't, accept anything less than I knew Mike felt that I deserved...and that was a lot. In that sense I felt self centered, but it was something I had learned to do through my time grieving and finding the strength I never knew I had.

it's natural because you're alone. but I have kids and grand kids that take part of my time.