Last night was my last night sleeping alone in my own bed.
Today my boyfriend flies in and tomorrow we begin to pack up the moving truck with all my belongings and I head to his state which is 1,555 miles away. A new home in a new town and a new life to start the next chapter in my book of life.
It's been 467 days since Mike died and left my side. It's been a grueling journey of grief. The first 6 months I can barely remember and I don't know where I found enough tears to let out the heartbreak and devastation I felt. I couldn't even imagine going on without him, I lost the will the live. I began to lose weight as the months went by and I wasn't taking care of myself. Eventually, at 11 months after losing him, I was taken to hospital by ambulance for a perforated ulcer in my stomach. While undergoing emergency treatment to prevent sepsis, which took a week, I was also diagnosed with sever malnutrition and because I couldn't eat or drink anything while undergoing the treatment for the stomach ulcer I began being fed by bags of nutritional liquids that went through an IV in my arm that went to my heart (picc line) and I was fed that way for 2 months. Nothing by mouth, except for water (eventually).
Nurses came to my house daily after I was discharged from the hospital, then weekly to monitor my stats and lab work and check I was maintaining my IV bags of fluids and hooking myself up to the pump that infused me. For 8 weeks I had to carry a backpack with me that contained my bag of fluids and the pump. For 8 weeks I had to worry about infection and keeping everything extremely clean and sterile…It was an experience I NEVER care to repeat and it definitely woke me up to self care and how important it is. I was never good at that.
It was hard to go through all this basically alone. My family lives in the UK and my in-laws are in Indiana. It’s just been me and my dog, who’s also sick with Lymphoma.
I managed though, and I got through the tough times.
We never know how strong we are until we are faced with these serious challenges in life. Losing Mike was hard, facing serious health complications was hard, going through the hurricane last year was hard...but I have proven to myself that I AM strong and I can get through anything by myself.
Saying that, I am so happy I have found someone to be by my side from this day forward. I couldn't have even imagined meeting anyone remotely up to Mikes standards and the immense love that we shared. I thought that kind of love only happened once in a lifetime. He was my soul mate after all.

Then, a year and 3 weeks after the first anniversary of Mikes death I met someone from this website and we have been joined at the heart ever since. Distance was going to be an issue, but not a problem for long. I knew from the start of our friendship that this was going to lead somewhere….that gut feeling never lies.
So here I am today, surrounded by boxes and my house (which hasn’t felt like a home since Mike left) is in complete disarray and my dog keeps looking at me with those ‘WTF is happening’ eyes!

I guess my story is to say to those who are going through grief….keep strong, take better care of yourself and believe that when the time is right you can find love again. Finding someone who can understand that you will always love your spouse and never have to feel bad about talking about them is possible. There really isn’t anything like that feeling of being loved by someone again and being able to bestow our love on someone is a remarkable mood booster. I am Happy with my decision and I know that Mike, if he were here, would be happy for me too. That was his ultimate wish for me, to find happiness and love again and thanks to him and his never-ending love for me… I did. Be Safe. Be Strong. Be You. Love.