Ok...here goes: I have this dream about Kim. A few times actual. It's weird and jolts me to the core. It's of a video. Someone puts in a video (like VHS) and the scene crackles in with her in pain on the ground/ floor waiting to be helped. The audio is horrible. The little audience watching are obscured. I think Kim herself put the tape in...as to show or highlight no one was there to help her, like; don't let this happen to you. I was almost always there, so to beat up on myself for one or two that I wasn't is odd, but there is a lot of guilt feeling wrapped up in it, my gut tells me so. But hearing her voice in pain (like I've heard many times) is really hard to take. I was resonably adjusted early on, perhaps this is me finally having a real break down.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.That would jolt anyone. I feel guilt because I’m still here and my husband is gone.
This past week it was a year and I kept reliving that day in my mind and thinking what could I have done differently.I know there is nothing I could have done but my mind goes there .
It’s so hard.
I am so sorry Ron.
Gypsy494
Level 7
Jan 22, 2019
0
I don’t think you are having a breakdown. Dreams can be quite disturbing when they are of this nature and they wake you up....that is why you are able to remember them. I’m not an expert, but I feel sure these dreams will pass....and if they don’t discuss it with your doctor if it Is troubling you to the point of not allowing you to get a good night’s sleep. We all dream, that is a fact, but we do not remember most of them, and when we waken up we have no idea what we dreamt of. It is only if we are wakened up when we are still in the dream sequence, either by something external or the dream itself, that we remember our dreams. In your case, the dream seems to be waking you up because you are distressed by it. Are you thinking about Kim a lot during your waking hours? Our dreams can only draw and reflect on our conscious and unconscious thoughts, and in your case this sounds like you may have some unresolved guilt attached to your thoughts of Kim. You posted recently about seeing someone else....this could possibly be connected, as feelings of guilt and disloyalty to your late wife may be the underlying cause. I feel sure if you just tell yourself that it is only a dream and can’t harm you, it will stop....and above all don’t beat yourself up about it. ?
Marionville
Level 10
Jan 14, 2019
2
My husband also died of cancer. Initially I spent a lot of time wondering if there was any thing I missed that might have gotten him to the doctor earlier. Like me you loved your spouse and did the best you could. I think once you really believe that, that nightmare will go away. I feel confident you did your best, but your opinion is what matters. Hugs
Lorajay
Level 9
Jan 14, 2019
2