I think many do this . I so far stay away from doing this but I do re live in my mind his last day .Everyone goes through this horrible loss in their own way. I’m sorry.

Among all the advice I could give (and which you no doubt have already received) there is one tidbit that I found helpful after my dear wife died: get out and interact with people, take an interest in others' lives. Visit, join, talk, telephone, text, etc. Believe me, this will help.

I did not do this but I've talked to plenty of widow(er)s who do. It's pretty normal.

What is universal, apart from the details, is that there's some period of obsessive attention like this, and the so-called "grief spiral" where you get a lot better, think that's linear improvement, and then suddenly something triggers you and your back in the pit again. Rinse and repeat, although, over time, at gradually decreasing amplitude, and then eventually it settles out into a stable state of some kind.

"Eventually" from what I read averages 18 months but it can vary quite a bit either side of that.

Once in awhile someone gets "stuck" in deep grief. I encountered a widow who was going on and on and ON literally wailing about her husband's death and I though everyone was pretty callous not to respond very much. Until I checked her history and found she had been doing this consistently on that same forum for SEVEN YEARS. That level of consistent intensity for that long is definitely STUCK and requires therapy and/or meds. In her case she was extremely dependent on her husband and his death was sudden and she was just unable to accept or integrate it. She may have been depressed and/or OCD before his death.

I think how you tell if you're "stuck" or not is that you should see this sort of "spiral" pattern that comes and goes, not with perfect regularity, but isn't a constant grind. If your mind is working properly it is basically spoon-feeding your "new reality" to you a little at a time. If you're just prostrate for months at a time then you probably need outside help.

I agree with the consensus here though, just be patient with yourself, you're going to be okay. Do what you need to do ... if you're concerned about wallowing then you probably aren't.

I do as well. But now it's been two years and I realized I had not thought of her at all last week and that made it worse when I did. I thought for a long time cancer killed us both.

If you go the other direction towards the day you met, you will come away with a silly love struck grin on your face. Least ways I do.

It took a while but eventually I put them away. Sometimes I find them and remember her. Whatever works for you is what is right. If you are afraid you are getting stuck try counseling, it can help. So can a griefshare group. It is usually church hosted but pretty free of mandatory religion. If you can find a secular grief support group that might wait better for you.

Hi Merrie, it's been almost 3 years for me and I know that I was in a depression and running from feelings for 2 of those years despite my outward appearance. I just recently felt that I am moving on. It takes time and you'll get there. Best wishes.

I did that too. I think it’s part of the grieving process. Looking at these things and crying your eyes out is probably good for you. I eventually put all of it into a waste basket and burned it. That was my closure. I am sending you good energy. I think you are brave.

because sometimes the pain is what makes it real . . . totally get it

how much time has passed? you appear to have an extreme case of what all widows/widowers go through. i can only say "hold on" and the pain will ease. I wish you luck.

It has mostly passed with time, but it can still jump out at me when I don't expect it.