How does one move on? How does one not dishonor a life of love and caring? I wish I had answers, where all I have are questions and self doubt. Thanks for all the posts here, some are very enlightening.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I accidentally replied to you, not that it was a bad rely, it is just that it was indeed for this general group.
Tominator
Level 6
June 14, 2018
1
No worries. Seems almost all posts evolve into a general discussion.
My wife wanted her ashes sprinkled along the C&O canal path at one of the campsites. On the first anniversary of her death we sprinkled her ashes. I figure I would make an annual trip to camp at that site, I am coming up to the second anniversary in August.
One of the requirements of sprinkling her ashes is the whole family had to ride our bicycles there and camp overnight, which me and the kids did. Of course I will be riding a bicycle and camping overnight.
Tominator
Level 6
June 14, 2018
1
Twenty-eight years from the time I met him to the day I lost him. Twenty-eight years of good times and hard times, sadness and laughter, arguments and accomplishments that promoted my growth and helped me to become who I am today. He is a part of me and that's how he is honored, the way I think and the decisions I make are influenced by the life and experiences I shared with him. I don't think it is possible to dishonor a love that has been a positive influence.
As for moving on? Just take time for you, to learn how to be one instead of two. Pursue activities you're interested in, re-acquaint yourself with old ones or explore new possibilities. Become comfortable with who you are and the "moving on" will take care of itself. 
Betty
Level 8
May 23, 2018
2
i met cheryl on halloween night and we married on a friday the 13th. we had almost 36 great years, though it wasnt all wine and roses. i know i am who i am because of her influence. she made me a better person (im kind of an asshole to most people, just ask my kids) and i probably wouldnt be alive except for her. the kids and grandkids miss her, but i can see that the grandkids are healing over the wound of her loss. our greatgrandson, who turns 3 in a couple of weeks still recalls her, but usually only when prompted with a picture. she and i never talked about the 'after' part, where the one of us who survived the other (i was supposed to go first) so that just feeds into the uncertainty i have. but I know i need to move on, to find a focus; i just can't seem to reach that inflection point....
Don't worry about the "moving on" part that will come naturally, life kind of demands it so don't waste your time fretting. Your need to a focus...that's trial and error you just have to have a starting point, something small and simple to start with. With your great-grandson, well...you're going to really enjoy him. A lot of stories the others remember you'll be able to share them with him and bring his great-grandmother to life and in so doing, you'll give yourself a gift.
Don't worry about what you think you're supposed to do just take it one day at a time. You won't forget her and you can't dishonor her, she's too much a part of you. You're going to be okay.
@Betty there is wisdom in your words, thanks.
@RidingAlone very good advice.
Your own answers lie within yourself. They will just come to you in time. That's how it happened with me.
Wildgreens
Level 8
May 22, 2018
1
I think that is true, that any healing must come from within, and that only with time. Thanks.
I'm analytical in nature. I spent my career as a technician in the civil engineering field. I'm used to figuring things out, devising practical plans and carrying them out. So, this is how I approached grieving.
If something is missing, replace it. If its broken, fix it. My life was destroyed so I am making a new one.
Everyone grieves differently and gets through it in their own way. But for me, waiting for healing to just happen would take longer than necessary. Some wounds heal on their own. Others require planning an operation.
@dare2dream
I appreciate your comment. Me
I have been on my quest for a new one.
The past is gone, time for a new life. It doesn't mean that I didn't appreciate my old one.
The best way to Dishonor her is to die yourself - physically or spiritually (for lack of a better word).
The best way to honor her is to live for her, start over and make yourself happy. She would want that. I'm sure she would not consider your sitting at home every night grieving and miserable for the rest of your life as a tribute to her.
Author Elizabeth Kubler Ross wrote about the five stages of grief. I think I found a sixth - Reconstruction. We have to put one foot in front of the other, get out of the house, meet new people and join new social circles. We cannot let death defeat us again by being its victim. We must transcend the tragedy and make a new life for our self.
dare2dream
Level 7
May 22, 2018
1
I haven't been able to bring myself to read anything about death and grieving beyond what I devoured prior to my wife's demise. I think I am not able to absorb any discussion of it as saturated as I am. But thank you.
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