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Benthoven Ben

Man, New York,

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I grew up in a fundamentalist home… at ten I was baptized into the Seventh-Day-Adventist church. In my early twenties I was baptized into the Assemblies of church, and then in my later twenties I became a member of the Foursquare denomination. The one thing all of those groups have in common is that they are terrified of ME!

Because of my gayness, according to fundamentalists, I can:
~ Single-handedly incur the wrath of to bring down civilizations.
~ Cause earthquakes, hurricanes, tornadoes, flooding and famine.
~ And apparently my powers are growing as I'm creating bigger hurricanes.
~ Just by being gay I can destroy straight marriages and obliterate the institution of marriage altogether.

Full Bio

Posts

Silly, Random & Fun

Nov 15, 2018Nov 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I was wondering, ‘just where is Funkytown?’ So I looked it up on Google Maps! You’ll want to start on Easy Street, then take a left down Boogie Lane. That will put you onto the Highway to Hell. Merge into traffic and then take the inside lane ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Nov 20, 2018Nov 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I am SUPER excited! - I just finished a jigsaw puzzle last night, and it only took me six months to complete … Ha! The box said 2 to 4 years! Take that BOX!

Silly, Random & Fun

Nov 21, 2018Nov 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Some threats simply cannot be ignored: You bring him back or I'll make your life miserable for you. And you know I can do it. I'll move in with you. — Endora | Bewitched

Silly, Random & Fun

Nov 21, 2018Nov 2018

Posted by Benthoven

I took an IQ test! The tester asked me: “If I give you six cookies, and then I take two away, how many do you have?” I'm like: “WTF? Why would you give me six cookies only to take two away? That's not very nice.” Then tester responded, ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 15, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

DON'T play dumb with me… you're not as good at it as I am!

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 15, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Hey everyone, my mom's in town for a week, so if you see me on the street and I start talking about Law School and my out-of-town girlfriend… just go with it.

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 19, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

If at first you don't succeed, try try the gin!

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 19, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Yes, I know I said I believed you, but I didn't say I wouldn’t testify against you.

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 24, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Sometimes LOL doesn’t work for me. Sometimes something is so funny that I have to write: Lolatdotrhntfwetpimg:s,ifa—o,twaf! Laugh out Loud and then double over trying really hard not to fart while easing the pain in my gut: Shit, I farted ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 26, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Another Christmas passes... Two-thousand eighteen Christmases so far. Still no confession from Mary.

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 27, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Look, I didn't mean to embarrass you, but the guy shouted "Hoedown!" so I hit the floor.

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 27, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Night was falling—it landed right on top of me. I have a hollow head, so the echo is deafening. Lightning streaked across the sky and I hollered, “Don’t look Ethel.” But it was too late, she’d already been thundered. On the upside, ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 29, 2018Dec 2018

Posted by Benthoven

Learning the hard way is a waste of time.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 7, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Once upon a midnight dreary As I pondered weak and weary Why the F&K won't this video load?

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 9, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Evolution has programmed us to feel rejection in our guts. This is how the tribe enforced obedience, by wielding the threat of expulsion. Fear of rejection isn’t just psychological; it’s biological. It’s in our cells. Steven Pressfield

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 10, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I'm having a spontaneous moment. I scheduled it two weeks ago.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 10, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Pro Noun—A Noun that gets paid Pro Rate—A rate that kicks ass Pro Bait—Bait that is exceptional at luring prey Pro Nounced—Hmmmm Pro Bono—A paid supporter of U2’s front man Pro vide—Someone who supports viding Pro tem—For those who ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 29, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Some days my mouth says to my brain… “Here, hold my beer!”

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 29, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I can't really say for sure, but I think I have my life on backwards.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 30, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I'm NOT Happy. But I'm not Grumpy either. I'm a wee bit Sleepy, and lots and lots of Sneezy. I'm profoundly Dopey, and, believe it or not, a little Bashful. But I'm definitely NOT Doc.

Silly, Random & Fun

Jan 31, 2019Jan 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I think I'm at that awkward age. Somewhere between 18 and 25-to-life.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 6, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Science is NOT frightening. Science is the study of nature… It's NATURE that's frightening!

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 13, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I cried out to Heaven: “How LONG O God…” And Heaven answered: “About ten inches.”

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 14, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

They say that learning the hard way is a waste of time. But it's not like I have anything better to do.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 14, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Oh FRICK! Someone left the cake out in the rain! And I'll never get that recipe again.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 16, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Hope Springs Eternal: It's a nice spa, but they over-promised on the facial mask.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 21, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I thought I had finally found a happy medium. Turns out, she was just drunk.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 22, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

What I'm about to tell you is a lie. You may be asking, “Why would you lie to me?” Because I don't know the truth. The closest I can get is a good guess.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 27, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I wish people would stop telling me, “Agree to disagree.” I didn't agree to this disagreement. I don't want to be disagreeable, but I didn't agree to agree with you regarding our disagreement. You don't get to decide what I do and do not agree ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 27, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

It was love at first sight. Unfortunately, love is blind.

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 28, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Well, after a ton of soul-searching, I've finally concluded: I don't have a soul. I've looked everywhere. Behind the sofa, under the cushions, even under the bed. I checked behind the refrigerator, since I'm always losing things back there… ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Feb 28, 2019Feb 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Yes, I KNOW what I said was ignorant, obnoxious and mean, but I put lol at the end… I said LOL!

General & Hellos

Mar 1, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I have always loved Rob Thomas' music. Now I hear he has a new album coming out. Here's the first song they released from the album. I put it on repeat and it's been playing non-stop for about an hour now.

General & Hellos

Mar 5, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

A Conservative couldn't help but tell me I was wrong about how I wanted to handle the poor. Us "Libruuls..." he told me, just want to give away gummint handouts. So I told him... "You all sing the song of Cain. “Am I my brother's keeper?” I know...

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 6, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I thought I had fallen in love. Turned out to be quicksand.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 7, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Mirror Mirror on the wall… HEY! My eyes are up here buddy!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 8, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I don't take life too seriously. After all, it doesn't take me seriously!

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 14, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I sold my soul to Rock and Roll. Well, Rock and Roll is demanding its money back.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 23, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I've waited my whole life for this moment, and here it is… Aaaaaannnnnnnddddddd there it goes.

Silly, Random & Fun

Mar 28, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

You had me at Harumph!

General & Hellos

Mar 31, 2019Mar 2019

Posted by Benthoven

May the road rise up to meet you... or maybe not...

General & Hellos

Apr 3, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Of course, I don't believe in the paranormal! When's the last time you saw normal come in pairs.

General & Hellos

Apr 3, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

It's as easy as one... two... five… >> Three Sir. Three!

General & Hellos

Apr 5, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

But you don't understand… it's Love AND Rockets.

General & Hellos

Apr 5, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If anyone needs me, I'll be out of my mind.

General & Hellos

Apr 5, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

No! I won't sit down. Now that I'm off my rocker I intend to stay that way.

General & Hellos

Apr 9, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

You guessed it, I’m up to know good!

General & Hellos

Apr 9, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Love makes you feel vulnerable. Vulnerability makes you feel frightened. Fear makes you crazy. Ergo: Love makes you crazy.

General & Hellos

Apr 9, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

In retrospect, “giddyap” was a bad idea for a safe word.

General & Hellos

Apr 13, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

We got married in a deli. I took him as my falafelly wedded husband!

General & Hellos

Apr 18, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Your mind is always eavesdropping on your self-talk. Jim Kwik

General & Hellos

Apr 18, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Life can only be understood backwards but must be lived forwards. Soren Kierkegaard

General & Hellos

Apr 22, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The human mind is programmed for survival, not for truth. John Gray

General & Hellos

Apr 22, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Keep reaching for the stars… Even if you miss (and you WILL), at least you'll have your hands in the air like you just don't care.

General & Hellos

Apr 22, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

My job is to help you feel, not to feel better. But if you feel in a safe place, you will feel better. Dr. Frank Campbell

General & Hellos

Apr 24, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The artist committing himself to his calling has volunteered for hell, whether he knows it or not. Steven Pressfield

Silly, Random & Fun

Apr 26, 2019Apr 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The answer my friend Is blowing in the wind The answer is blowing in the… <ahh aahhhh> … blowing in the <ahhhh aaahhhh> in the … <AHCHOO!?> Damn. I must be allergic to the answer.

General & Hellos

May 2, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero from the Deli Delight It's gotta have Ranch It's gotta have salt And it's gotta have pepper and spice I need a hero I'm holding out for a hero from the Deli Delight It's gotta be long With lots of salam And ...

Silly, Random & Fun

May 8, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Atheist: God's a Myth. Ben: How!DARE!you! God's a mythter and you know it.

Silly, Random & Fun

May 8, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Friend: Dude, that's a lot of ice cream. Ben: I'm eating my feelings. Friend: And just what ARE your feelings? Ben: Chunky Monkey. It says right there on the carton.

General & Hellos

May 14, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

The wise know too well their weakness to assume infallibility; and he who knows most knows best how little he knows. Thomas Jefferson

General & Hellos

May 19, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Cop: Sir, we're charging you with public intoxication. Ben: S’Okay, I'm running a tab.

General & Hellos

May 31, 2019May 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I thought I would share some of my daily affirmations. Who knows, maybe they could help others. My inner voice guides me in every moment: (One voice wants to eat pizza—another voice demands I have a salad instead—still another voice is telling ...

General & Hellos

Jun 5, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Looking out for little sis!

Silly, Random & Fun

Jun 6, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

People don't come here for the truth, they come for good news. Psychic Missouri Moseley, Supernatural

General & Hellos

Jun 7, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Doors, doors, doors everywhere, and all locked and bolted. Jonathan Harker, Dracula

General & Hellos

Jun 10, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If there is a meaning in life at all, then there must be a meaning in suffering. Viktor Frankl, Man Search for Meaning

General & Hellos

Jun 14, 2019Jun 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Men worship gods made in their own image; but these gods in turn, once made, have a potency of their own to shape and enslave their devotees. A.N. Wilson Jesus A Life

General & Hellos

Jul 9, 2019Jul 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Motivational Speaker: What if I told you there was nowhere to go but up? Ben: I'd know you were lying.

General & Hellos

Jul 11, 2019Jul 2019

Posted by Benthoven

That French guy tried to kick me in the crochet.

General & Hellos

Aug 6, 2019Aug 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Due to the recent challenges of Climate Change, I can no longer be a 'fair-weather friend.'

General & Hellos

Aug 12, 2019Aug 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If the Trump era has taught us anything, it's that fear and hate are more powerful than love.

General & Hellos

Sep 16, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Son: Dad, my math teacher yelled at me today! Dad: Why? Son: My teacher asked, “what is 3 x 2,” and I answered “6.” Dad: That's right! Son: Then she asked what is 2 x 3 Dad: WTF's the difference? Son: That's exactly what I said…

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 20, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Damn physicist! He's quark blocking me.

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 20, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

We're all in this together… So if you fart, I'll kill you.

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 24, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Death comes naturally, it's LIVING that takes all the work.

Silly, Random & Fun

Sep 24, 2019Sep 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Chemistry isn't science, it's baking… with the potential for a bang.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 1, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

If it feels good, do it. If it doesn't, package it and sell it as an exercise program.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 16, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I'd love to stay and chat, but I'm in a bit of a hurry. I've got to rock down to 'Electric Avenue.' And then I’ll take it higher.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 18, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I'm sorry for embarrassing you. The guy shouted "Hoedown," and I hit the floor.

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 22, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Spaghetti is STRAIGHT dammit… Until it gets hot and wet! Mamma mia!

Silly, Random & Fun

Oct 31, 2019Oct 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I went to see Jesus Christ Supper Star. It was dinner theater.

Silly, Random & Fun

Nov 6, 2019Nov 2019

Posted by Benthoven

Well, I just went through and cleaned out my Contacts list. I went in with some Windex, some 409, a duster and a mop. I even moved the names, so I could clean underneath. And then I vacuumed. So, if you're reading this, you are now spick and span… ...

Silly, Random & Fun

Dec 31, 2019Dec 2019

Posted by Benthoven

I like to keep an open mind… I found it in the cemetery a couple years ago.

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Agnostic, Humanist, Secularist, Skeptic

Open to meeting men

Interested InFriends, Dating, Long Term
EnjoysMovies, Music, Science, Books, Love
Education2-Year
Top tags#god #Jesus #world #friends #reason #video #book #hell #religion #earth #gay #death #Christian #hope #beliefs #Bible #children #Christians #church #Vodka

Level8 (90,206pts)
Posts984
Comments
Replies 2,841
710
Followers 22
Fans 0
Joined Sep 26th, 2017
Last Visit Over a year ago
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