Trump needs to go away and take all his ilk with him

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2023:

I'm laughing, but am also in a slow boil.

Breakfast is what you make it.

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2023:

The fourth bowl will be cereal. Or maybe pizza. Heh.

He found a perfect barber

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2023:

Perfect for Zoom meetings.

Goodnight, hope you sleep well! 😴

zeuser comments on Jan 19, 2023:

Chloroform and pegging? Time to reconsider your choices, am I right? LOL Good set, MG.

I'm tired of hunting and don't want to just run retreads

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Good luck with it.

It's a not so hot moment.

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2023:

I need a "pinches the bridge of my nose" reaction emoji.

Good morning! Hope you have a good day!

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Brilliant set!

Brilliant Trolling

zeuser comments on Jan 18, 2023:

Gotcha, you dimwitted MAGA assbags. LOL

It's now the party of the Keystone Cops.....

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Propaganda creates what is possibly the stupidest reason for righties to get pissed off. Good set, LOA

What the fking hell are they talking about?

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2023:

He's tricky like that. LOL

Who the hell leaked this very confidential information?!

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2023:

Who squealed?

What a hangover, I'm finally alive! Lol!!!

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2023:

No man-sound CD without farting noises is worth the price, IMHO. LOL

“If a believer demands that I, as a nonbeliever, observe his taboos in the public domain, he is ...

zeuser comments on Jan 16, 2023:

Not today, believer! 😜

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip abroad, so he thought he'd buy his wife ...

zeuser comments on Jan 16, 2023:

The first version of this old chestnut I heard (probably in the 70's) involved a "karate monkey". Humor can neither be created nor destroyed, merely changed in form. 🤪

Let me tell you the truth here....

zeuser comments on Jan 15, 2023:

As long as I still got my pants, the situation is salvageable.

Now they can feel their bass and I don't have to.

zeuser comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Good for shitty music, I understand.

Something I remember everytime I visit there

zeuser comments on Jan 15, 2023:

It could maybe be philly guys seeing what other people call a cheese steak.

You have heard the saying, right?

zeuser comments on Jan 15, 2023:

Oh man, that poor animal!

People are leaving the country because of the far right-wing tearing it apart but sometimes the ...

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2023:

I am kicking this idea around. I'll be touring different potential areas for relocation this year. I really don't want to do it, but it seems like a prudent thing to have up my sleeve, especially at this stage of my life.

Good morning hope you have a good laugh!

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2023:

Sarchotic...*snort*

Did somebody plant classified documents in Joe Biden's office as a way of setting him up?

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2023:

I don't think this is a plant, but you never know. Let's see if Joe's son-in-law gets 2 billion from MBS, now THAT would be suspicious. RME

When Brits get carried away with banter - ooooh, they can be so cruel! 😆 A collection of 'man ...

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2023:

You guys do humor on a completely different wavelength, that's for sure. LOL

Hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday!!!

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2023:

Very funny bunch.

PUN FUN Dad, are we pyromaniacs?

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2023:

I married a moonshiner's daughter, and now she makes me liquor.

Almost two years to the day of the January 6th coup attempt in the USA and a few days after a ...

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2023:

The question makes an unnecessary distinction between the most rabid repubs and cults. They are essentially the same thing.

White House: DOJ reviewing potentially classified documents found at Biden Center from time as VP

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2023:

I dunno, the contrast between how Uncle Joe reacts to how the former guy is incessantly tantrumming should be a good thing for our side of the spectrum. But listen, if it was legal for the former guy, why wouldn't it be legal for Uncle Joe? All kinds of nonsense to ensue, I am sure.

Living vicariously through AOC right now 🤣🤣🤣 Hilarious. 😜

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2023:

All right! Enjoy it, Rep. Ocasio-Cortez, while it lasts! We all see you!!

Witch one is the first to get an indictment?

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2023:

I wondered what Rollie was up to these days. As for who gets to indict first, my money is on Fani.

He started alright there but....

zeuser comments on Jan 9, 2023:

Being a small landlord sucks. I did that once a long time ago, never again.

A little help please...

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2023:

I asked the salesman, but I got a bad reception.

In the beginning there was nothing.

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2023:

And who was there to look, anyways?

House speaker drama: Democrat reads 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fk' book on floor

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2023:

I love Katie!

"Trump sued for wrongful death on second anniversary of January 6 riot": [bbc.com]

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Sued, eh? He should be in the hoosegow right now!

I want to get off my chest, it seems like a disproportionate amount of time I run into arguments ...

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Statements like "When my dad died, suddenly there was a rainbow and a cardinal jumped on my windowsill. It was him, and now he's with mom and jesus" also really turn my crank.

Some of us were a little embarrassed

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Where's that "Hump Slow" sign when you need it?

The Prize Prat has become Speaker of the US House of Representatives at the fifteenth attempt.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2023:

They are gonna try to bounce his ass over and over again. This was just chapter 1.

Last night wore me out, looks like it could be over soon.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2023:

Good stuff, but somehow they depressed me.

Oh for 14 the drama continues.

zeuser comments on Jan 7, 2023:

If only there really was a pill like that...*sigh*

If they dislike Kevin so much, why don't they really kill him and vote to confirm Jeffries, he only ...

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2023:

That will never happen. If someone tries it, we will all see what a bad idea it was to remove the metal detectors from the house chambers doors.

Is the joke factory that is the US House of Representatives going to again perform its antics this ...

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2023:

That sloshing sound you hear is your tax dollars slowly being flushed away paying for this debacle.

Sure they're Dolly Parton fans

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2023:

Heading to a spit roast cookout, no doubt. 😏 Someone should clue in poor Dolly.

Kevin is having to negotiate just to get an adjournment at 8 PM, I mean these guys have fund raisers...

zeuser comments on Jan 6, 2023:

When they get to the part where they refuse to raise the debt limit and the whole world economy starts to crumble, that's when we see the new world order they all seem so worried about.

My daughter asked me who my favorite vampire was.

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2023:

Perfect dad joke. Plus 10.

oh for ten, going for the all time record, already the longest since 1855.

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2023:

A very galling but valuable set, Glenn. But, I believe Santos was indeed the banjo player. *offstage whisper* What? Ok, I guess that was Carlos Santana. And it wasn't the banjo. And it had absolutely nothing to do with republicans. Sorry.

Day three of watching Kevin twist in the wind is off to a start.

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2023:

Famous Owens...*snort*

I'd say burn in hell, if i believed in hell.

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2023:

Say it anyway. Instead of Pascal's wager, it's Palpatine's wager.

Scary thought…

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2023:

Oh fuck no.

Nobody Knows

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2023:

A bad bunch. Patrician assholes. Rich bitches.

"utiny inside the Republican Party": [abc.net.au]

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2023:

Red America votes for these dildos. That's what we all get stuck with, a congress controlled by dildos. What. A. Fucking. Hot. Mess.

I can't sleep, my mom is having a procedure today, hopefully it goes well!

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2023:

Roast beef? I never heard that one, MG!

"So be aware that the priests, by means of terrorizing threats, will seek to cause you to fall away ...

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2023:

Doesn't matter what century, it's the same old toe jam decade after decade.

Newly Weds There was these newly weds that were both virgins and nervous about the wedding night.

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2023:

I have a version where the wife says the malapropisms to a doctor, then the punch line is "Toelio, polio..Kneesles, measles. All I know is that I haven't demonstrated for two months and I think I'm stagnant."

Great way to start off the new year

zeuser comments on Jan 3, 2023:

You hit the ground running, Glenn, nice set. I like how whenever there is something that suggests the rich pay more taxes they all scream "class warfare". Of course it is, it's just that the poor side decided to take a shot or two, finally.

I'd be really freaking quiet about it....

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

Lock the doors, keep your pants close by.

Every plate tells a story, well some do.

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

Same guy likes pina coladas at Trader Vick's.

Happy Hangover Day 🙃 🙂 😌

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

Sure LOOKS like Greg Abbott.

Socially inept me: I might say 'Happy New Year' to strangers...

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

People are strange when you're a stranger. Ask Jim Morrison.

Listen to the master

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

I'd stay away from that Jello pudding too if I were you.

“Be at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let every new year find you a better...

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

I consider my vices to be partners. We face this world together. LOL

Watch out for klingons when you go to the restroom

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

Don't klingons sharpen their teeth? The guy on the other side of the wall is going to get a pointed surprise too!

Happy New Year!!!! 🥳🥂🎉🍾🎊🍻🍺🤗

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

I'm gettin' up there in years, and nobody is offering ME any tootski. WTF?

I pretty sure no one here would be THAT dishonest.

zeuser comments on Jan 1, 2023:

I think they get one every time they catch a pass, score a touchdown, or tackle the ball carrier. But they play in a league for 8 year olds and under.

'bout sums it up!

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

Hey, it's a bigger deal than you think.

Been there, got that Tshirt.

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

Yeah, that's my date too.

I finally found it....

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

Said the leprechaun, "Sure and ye take a toke er two."

Oh no :( Emperor Palpatine has died .............

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

The vatican altar boys are "boycotting" his funeral

"Men who experience false visions, but who are unable to understand how they are produced, are ...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

I guess it took a while before they connected the mushrooms they just ate with the visions. Honest mistake. LOL

Suddenly an opportunity opened up.

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

Here's a shot of the actual pizza guy.

Virginia "Ginni" Thomas, wife of US Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas, has just admitted making ...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

It was a left handed apology at the very best. From the article: In her testimony, she told the committee that, "I worried that there was fraud and irregularities that distorted the election but it wasn't uncovered in a timely manner, so we have President Biden." So the only problem was they didn't uncover the "irregularities" quickly enough? She should be in jail awaiting trial right now.

ROMANIAN AUTHORITIES ARE IN THE LIMELIGHT FOR DETAINING FOUR PEOPLE ON SUSPICION OF HUMAN ...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

Couldn't happen to a nicer assbag. Sort of looks like Lex Luthor, but not NEARLY as smart. Hey, want some pizza you moron? *honk honk*

Miss Pat is still working on me 30+ years later.

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

You can't CHANGE the people you are with, but you can change the PEOPLE you are with.

Trumpty Dumpty's reputation as a businessman has just been totally trashed by the IRS: [abc.

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

Anyone who didn't have their brains up their ass knew this a long time ago, and the ones who still have their brains up their ass won't believe anything derogatory. There are many who might be looking for a way to break free, this is a good excuse on top of everything else.

I almost lost my lunch on one, nearly died laughing on one, and hoped the last one will at least get...

zeuser comments on Dec 31, 2022:

Those are fantastic memes - brutal because they have to be with the current crop of pathological liars, cultists, sycophants, and snow noses.

Where can I get this?

zeuser comments on Dec 30, 2022:

Um, you need any investors?

And it is also error to argue that, in the absence of the restraint that comes when evil men fear ...

zeuser comments on Dec 30, 2022:

He ain't wrong.

A story in Texas

zeuser comments on Dec 30, 2022:

Good lord, I must be on my last legs!

This is for all you "horndogs" who plan to get all sloshed, hoping to impress the ladies on New ...

zeuser comments on Dec 29, 2022:

Promise?

A Russian advent calendar :- Every time you open a window an oligarch falls out !!

zeuser comments on Dec 29, 2022:

The Defenestration Advent Calendar. I think you could make a buck with that idea in the Ukraine.

I woke up this morning thinking it was Thursday, it's only Wednesday, jokes on me! ...

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

You can't say "I've been drinking all week" unless you start on Sunday. And you can't skip hump day, either. ;)

He is a lawyer

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Get the gun, honey. If I'm on the jury, you'll either walk or get a mistrial.

So the Russian banking system has now officially collapsed and people are ready to riot.

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Couldn't happen to a nicer bunch. I do feel badly for a lot of the Russian people, but they had several chances to cut that sawed off banjo faced dictator, but they just let him pick up steam. Bolsonaro is just a fascist dick, sort of like DeSantis but he speaks Portuguese. And Trump, as far as I know, has NOT been indicted. Yet. Yes, this is indeed a good way to end the year.

Good question...

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Sometimes, lukewarm is good enough.

You wanna wait for a miracle?

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

A bottle never told me any lies to my face.

Me to myself: You're welcome. 😎

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Easier to believe in Snoop than gawd. With Snoop, you can smell the ganja. The only thing you can smell with gawd is the horseshit.

For a change of pace, a brief history lesson...

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Maybe they should be Silent Knights,.

An easy prediction

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

He wouldn't last 6 months.

Who owns what

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

Nice try. Can't blame a guy for trying.

At some stage in my last dream, I was driving a car from the rear passenger seat...

zeuser comments on Dec 28, 2022:

It's not funny when you are in the middle of one of these beauties. Then there's the one where you cannot find the room, and in addition you need to take a leak and there are no restrooms.

Tell me you're a gross douchebag without telling me you're a gross douchebag.

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2022:

That's a load all right, and I ain't talkin' sperm neither.

Are you my people?

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2022:

I've been using all the old phone numbers I've had in my life AS my passwords. Take that, short term memory! LOL

Republican George Santos admits lying on his CV: [bbc.

zeuser comments on Dec 27, 2022:

They are going to go after him for wire fraud on the theory that he misrepresented himself on a website to solicit donations. Sounds like a good case. The dems want him expelled from the house, but it would take a 2/3 vote of the full house, and the reps are not only tolerant of blatant liars, but aspire to become bigger liars themselves.

How does a hippie polygamist count his wives? 1 Mrs. Hippie, 2 Mrs. Hippie, 3 Mrs. Hippie...

zeuser comments on Dec 26, 2022:

Now wait just a second here....

He does seem to have fully recovered though...

zeuser comments on Dec 26, 2022:

Also, we operated on you, and now you have a semicolon.

He has his skill

zeuser comments on Dec 26, 2022:

Hmmm. I think I just discovered my new side hustle. Hey, a buck is a buck.

A few terms for going into the new year

zeuser comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Those are hilarious!

Kind of a new take on that fishes thing.

zeuser comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Harry Dresden, Jim Butcher's character, said that.

There are no heroic people, only heroic acts. Author unknown Agree? Disagree? Other, explain.

zeuser comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Any person can act heroically, but heroic people look for opportunities to display heroism.

And not a moment too soon...

zeuser comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Friend of the Devil would be a nice choice, Schroeder.

Pretty much, yeah...

zeuser comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Add a couple of bottles of wine and that's my plan for just about any weekend.

What made this necessary?

zeuser comments on Dec 25, 2022:

Yeah, well, don't hire such easy cashiers then, MR. WALGREEN!