Does my vibrator count?

Shower hair!

I have a copy of The Room by Tommy Wisau. I’ll make the burglars watch it.

I am not telling.... don't want to spoil the surprise ??

Knowing where the back door is

Bullshit question, almost 90% of burglaries occur with no one home. Someone comes into your home while you are asleep, they have a huge advantage and use of a weapon by you will most likely end up in your death, not theirs. People that are willing to invade a home with people in it are much more desperate and dangerous than most people will realize.

Two guard dogs and a couple cats who are assholes.

True story: Years ago I asked a not-so-bright neighbor a similar question. "What would you do if someone broke into your house to murder you and you had a gun?" He said, "I'd throw it at him".

Buddhist chimes hang on my bedroom doorknob.

No weapons in my house, apart from a toilet brush.

Princess Pup... she's fluent in licking the faces of those she knows and loves, and proficient in chewing the faces off anyone daring to enter our home, without permission.

Rage

Two dogs and a security system, not to mention a crude projectile weapon.

Here in the U.K. if you keep any sort of a weapon ...even something like a cricket bat, by the bed to use in case of being burgled, then injure or kill the burglar, you will probably be charged by the police. It is called premeditation...! I know that sounds crazy, but it’s true, and it has actually happened. A man who was burgled several times, bought a gun and shot and killed one of the burglars, he ended up with a long jail sentence because it was a premeditated act!

Is hiding under the bed a relevant choice?????

A 32, a bastard sword and my fists.

My cat would probably wake me up, as she jolts from the bed when anyone enters the house. My roommates, who are up all night, would probably notice the attempt to break in. If the burglars made it past my two roommates and my cat, they would be making a mistake to try entering my bedroom with my arsenal.

2 dogs.

He's gotta get past 5 dogs first before he encounters the 357.

An axe

A ww2 bayonet. But I have Molly, a 75 lb. pit bull that sleeps on the floor next to me. I pity the fool who breaks into my house while I am not here. I would have to rent a carpet cleaner when Molly finished with the idiot.

Cell phone. Nothing in my bedroom is even close to being a weapon.

A loaded .38 detective special.

Baseball bat,can be purchased with no wait time,however should be bought with glove and ball to take any concerns away. Alternate would be a hockey stick...

My wife and a stroppy cat.