My neighbor is looking for marriage and has shared some of her experiences with me about dating sites. She is slowly losing interest in them as it has been one clown show after another for her.

Handy hint to all, when you get an email addy to reply to, google it. and add the word scam. There are scammer list out there to check against.

AARP did a write up , about the Malaysian Boys , a group out of Malaysia who targeted older women , offering romance , but eventually coming up with some kind of emergency , where they needed the woman to wire them money . Three of them contacted me within a very short period of time , each with a different story . All claimed to be American - one form Texas , one from Florida , one from Ohio (I think) . Each of the three wound up taking a business trip to Malaysia . Each had an unexpected emergency and needed me to send them a large amount of money immediately . I didn't send it to any of them . When the AARP article came out , they included photos used in the scam . Photos I had received from one of the men . Photos of an American model . Go with your gut feeling . If something doesn't seem right , it probably isn't .

Ugh. I have been trying dating sites for a few months, now. I don't have any comparison to know if the site experience is different based on your sexual orientation, but so far, I have had by far the most attention from guys hundreds of miles from me. What the f**k? If you are seeing someone and feelings are real but one of you moves away due to extenuating circumstances, I understand the desire to make the best of it, but why would anyone willingly choose to start a long distance relationship....on purpose?!?

Locally, I get some looks and occasional likes, but no one actually wants to chat online, let alone actually meet me. Plus, here in Louisiana (Gawd's country) even the gay dudes (80%of them) are Christian, and most who aren't are smokers. (Sigh)

well that was certainly a scammer

I have heard this about dating sites but, I have no real knowledge as this is the first one I have ever been on. I do however have a healthy level of skepticism, so, it does make it tougher on the scammers. I am glad you didn't get sucked in because you do seem like a pretty real person to me just, too damn far to date.

At the risk of playing Devil's Advocate (I HATE scammers but I do like to wrestle with concepts/ideas and I am something of an idealist/hopeful person):

It's not out of the realm of possibility that he is not at all confident in his writing skills and went out searching for suitable prose to contact with and, stumbled.

Note: this would be a HUGE red flag for me and I might just call him (well, her from my perspective) out on the mat and ask about it directly. I, in fact, do that a lot with those who send up enough flares for me to decide they must be scammers rather than the real deal.

IF he is real and IF he is just not confident in his writing abilities, it might end up being an endearing funny story between you two.

Again, I think something like 80% (or more) of the gals I contact through dating sites are scammers. Grammar is a red flag (but it's not a clincher as too many of us 'Muricans are not knowing how to said grammers, let along spells it).

Using idioms that are common to a foreign language, like opening with "dear" right away is a red flag (so, there are two against him in your post here).

I have also noticed that, when texting, a long message will just suddenly pop onto my screen, broken into at least three pieces, and out of order... my background is technology. I studied communication, and my professional experience is with computers and that doesn't sit well with my gut instincts about how these communications protocols would (or should) work. So, for me, this is a big red flag tha says they are cutting and pasting through some other medium than a phone (using a computer to interface with a texting protocol, for instance).

Another is seeing their "online" status waver in and out. That implies LONG distances and a LOT of machinery twixt me and them. So, if they advertise Boise Idaho but are communicating like they are haling from Mars... anotther red flag.

A final flag is their following one of several common "oh woe is me and my life" scripts. Usually (might not be true for males) it's mother/father has passed and father/mother dragged me off to Ghana because of (insert story here). Which rapidly degenerates to I need (insert something here) can you send money. There are other story lines, none of them seem reasonable if you stop and think about it (rather than 'feel'.

The problem is that I have to question myself and am wondering if I am being too much of a cynic and seeing scammers where there may or may not be scammers.

I insist on meeting people in the flesh. No reason you can get together and talk, have a cup of coffee, lunch, brunch, elevensies or second lunches, whatever, before getting serious. Granted, you might feel like getting serious when you meet... fact is, if you are both consenting adults, feel free to consent. Just be wary until you build up real trust.

how fuckin clumsy (& infuriating) is that!

Grrrrrr!

I made a scammer really mad once. In his very first email he said stuff like "if we become exclusive couple" and how he would fly out at the end of summer and we would be married. I told him I wasn't marrying anybody for them to get a green card. Then he said he had a Phd and didn't need to marry an American for a green card, that his Phd could get him a green card. I don't remember what I told him next but then he claimed he was born in New York. I asked him "So if you're born in New York and have a Phd what do you need a green card for?" Never heard from him again. By that time he was really, really pissed off though. Wrote all sorts of thing about how horrible American women are, blah, blah, blah. <shrug> It was amusing for a couple of days.

I even get scammers on Words with Friends!! They start a game and a chat right off the bat and play horrible. Anymore I use them to rack up points until they go away. LOL

so what would be the purpose of that?

Awe.

Oh no. Do you think he was an actual person with a form letter ready to send out?
Or was it a 'bot mailer from the dating site to prop up their member activity?

The only person I met after a year looking lived in the same small town I do. Two of my friends knew him, so I met him for lunch without having videoed with him. It was a disaster. I've never had a person be so rude to me in my life--as if I'd killed his dog! I'm even more reluctant to meet someone now.

I get several a week that are captivated by profile pic.
And they're always shocked that a treasure such as me is still single

I did fuck with one once for about a month on facebook. I told I had a grand master that had approve out relationship and a bunch of other stupid shit I made up as I went along. Eventually I told him he had to donate money to a gofundme that I chose at random.

He was pissed that I expected him to pay to date me.

Another time I went off on one and called him all kinds of names and shit then the next day told him my daughter hacked me and did it because she thought he was a scammer.

Unfortunately, both of those got me on a list because I was deluged with friend requests for a while.

Lol

awwwwwH! Thats mean of him!

Can anything other than religion explain why so many sociopaths are running loose inside USA ?

lol better lost now than waste more time down the line

Whaaaat?..seriously?

LOL! Busted!