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When people you know ask how you are, do you tell them the truth (let's say you are a little depressed or things are not going well) or do you tell them what they want to hear, that everything is well.

djs64 7 Dec 30
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29 comments

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7

If I'm feeling down or out of sorts and someone asks How are you, my answer depends on how much I trust the person asking. I will not give the truth to my clients when they ask, but I will give my boss a little bit of how I'm feeling so she is aware of why I might be withdrawn or distracted. I won't go into detail with her though. I may give slight indicators to some people to help me judge if they are trustworthy. Usually they are not. I rarely tell anyone what is going on with me or my true feelings.
Now, when I ask someone I know how they are feeling, I am genuine and want to know the truth. I am compassionate and open to lending an ear. I have genuine empathy for people and want to be there for others. I can be trusted with your emotions.
Also, I know what it's like to need someone to talk to, and not have anyone there. Or to have someone there but they don't care. If I can help ease someone's pain I will be there with an ear, a shoulder, and tissues.

6

No . Only my very close / beloved friends and my sister know " how I am doing ". And they know bcz u know I am screaming on a phone " u are not gonna believe this S&$&?! T! "
But rest of world knows 0 next to nothing . Y bother ? What does it matter ? Plus if not feeling well , then after I unload there will be two of us " not doing well "! No reason , I can be all misearable by myself ??????

6

It depends who it is and the nature of our relationship. A colleague I would fudge the answer, my sister would expect...well she would know the truth!

Agreed! "How are you?" is a more of a greeting than a sincere question. To me it depends both on WHO posed the question and HOW it was asked. Breaking down every time someone asks is pointless, and usually the people that know you well enough only need a simple update.

5

People are just being polite. I do the same thing. I don't tell them how l feel. Why burden them with my shit.

4

It really depends on who is asking, and how I'm feeling at the time of the question.
Some get an "I'm fine, thank you", some get the truth.

4

Jackson Browne: “Maybe people only ask you how you feel cause it’s easier than letting on how little they could care.”

4

If you can remember something about the person's life you can deflect entirely. Them: 'how are you doing?' me: 'how's your new job?' them: 'let me tell you...................'

3

In other words, do you burden others that cannot help you with your issues or do you suck it up and not ruin their day.

3

I usually say fine and I’m usually fine.??

3

Unless it's someone I know well and trust, I'll say " Getting by" or "surviving" if things aren't so good.

3

I'm honest, if there is something that will affect our interaction. For example, if I have a cold, I will warn them I'll skip our usual hug.

The question, whether just a polite greeting or genuine inquiry, gives me time to pause and set aside any troubles that do not have anything to do with my immediate interaction with that person.

Usually that means everything is peachy keen, and we can have a nice conversation away from any troubles.

3

Like many others have said, it depends greatly on who is asking. In public it's a symbolic ritual that is meant only as a greeting, and the expected response is simply, "fine, thanks, and you?" If my boss asks me during our weekly meeting, I might tell him I'm feeling a little pressure over an upcoming deadline. But I know he isn't asking about my personal life. On the other hand, if a close friend or family member asks, I can be much more open about how things are really going. It also depends on how much I want them to know.

3

I have a whole range of replies to see whether the person is actually listening or just talking bull shit. Everything from great, but I'll get better, to I checked the obituaries, and I didn't make the cut today. It's all small talk, so it really isn't the time for in-depth discussions.

3

be honest, without being belligerent. If the timing is right they may have information that could help you get past your ill feelings (depression or things....)

3

I tend to keep my disasters to myself, and comment on the good happening in my life.

2

People that ask that for the most part just do it as a pleasantry and do not really desire or want a real or drawn out answer. You should know who they are. If they are not someone you speak to frequently or in your inner circle assume you should just answer with an “ I’m well, how about you?” And move on.

2

Depends on who's asking, unless you enjoy being shunned......

2

If it is just a polite greeting, I respond with something like "every day above ground is a good day" but serious inquiries will usually get an honest answer depending on time constraints.

Fact is that I am pretty good at being impassive

2

Depends on who's asking.

2

Fair to partly. ? These days sometimes it's the best I can do.

2

So many say "it depends" without acknowledging that they are justifying a lie. Sad!

2

I guess it depends on who the person is: if I know the person really well, I might not hide my feelings (if I'm feeling bad or upset bout something). Sometimes I'll say 'moderately well, thank you'. Sometimes I'm not in the mood for idle chitchat, so I'll say, 'fine, thanks' and move on.

2

Depends on whom is asking...if I'm not feeling awesome and I don't really know the person, it's "just peachy" for me...my friends know when I say that I'm being sarcastic, but others don't.

2

I just tell people "Oh I'm alive"

1

People who know me well never have to ask me how I'm doing. They ask WHAT I'm doing, and then invite me to do something else.

People who don't know me ask me HOW I'm doing. My honesty depends upon how comfortable I am around them or how much I trust that what I say won't get around.
Sadly, many of the people closest to me have no idea I'm a functional depressive.
It would be obvious to someone who viewed my daily habits, but less obvious to anyone who just observed my appearance.

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