My grandpa refused to have a tongue cancer removed and it killed him a year later @ age 94....sorry you can't force treatments on adults but keep telling him you love him and how treatment can keep alive his quality of life

I have no advice; just an urge to express sympathy.

When I was in your place, I pretty much lied to myself that granny was gonna be ok so was devastated when she died.

I hope you find some peace with his decision.

Sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, there were many who held/hold the belief that treatment speeds up the cancer. There was especially a belief that once a person was operated on, thus exposing the cancer to oxygen, it would spread wildly. I think those beliefs are somehow borne out of fear and I do not have an answer on how to combat the fear.

I would respect his choice, let him know what you think, and most importantly let him know that you love him.

I probably would do the same, given my other physical problems. Sometimes, Enough is Enough!
You must allow him the dignity of his decision.
There are a lot of good ideas on this thread for making whatever time you have left special!
I will tell you, from personal experience, that a lingering/known death is Far easier on the survivors.....

[goodreads.com]

Love him for as long as you can.

Circle of life. It's not a bad thing that must be faced with bravery. It just is.

If I might give u a suggestion / advice .
Don't burden him w scientific approach of anything , it seems like he has made his mind for whatever reasons .
Instead , plan 2 spend 2 days w him . Make him talk .
Ask him questions . Blend the past w the future on your questions so to not stress him out . Ask about his fun memories . Ask him few advices ( find something that u can pretend u need to know , and let him shine ).
In short , let him talk . Then find ways to blend your questions of his upcoming poor prognosis . Ask him if he is ready to die at any age w cancer or not . Find out if there are things that he still wants to see , do , taste, go to it . And then ask him how much these things worth to him .
Find out if he is a risk taker , a tired old man , or one that has no clue . That's is there to find out .
Then take an 8 hr dinner and sleep break and take your time to analyze w your self your feelings and his thoughts .
Re approach the next day w your thoughts and support for him and to him . Remember , it can't be about u even if I know u want the best outcome for him .
Your suggestions and ideas for him has to be tailored to fit him , honey . Help him navigate this the best way he wants or the best way he can handle it . If poor education on the topic is on the table , ITS YOUR DUTY to show him whatever facts / evidence u have . ONCE . After that , support his wishes . Love = loyalty and support most of all .
I am sorry u feel bad and probably frustrated .

It must be really frustrating that his shortening his life based on a superstitious belief. But you aren’t going to change his mind, and arguing with him would just ruin the time you have left. So, probably best to treat him like you would if he refused treatment for any other reason.

sorry for your sad dilemma. but your grandpa might be right about chemo/radiation actually causing the cancer to spread. depends a lot on what stage he's in.
i had major surgery + radiation therapies for 2 cancers & have been cancer free for almost 7 yrs.
but my cancers were stage 2 cancers. they hadn't metastasized. had i been past stage 2 i wasn't prepared to go thru all the chemo & shit knowing that the cancer had already spread.
if i ever get to stage 3 or 4, which is basically game over, i would not go thru the chemo & the horrible side affects for a few more months on this planet.

This always sounds over used but be present and enjoy the time you have. Secondly, make sure you share with your grandpa and leave nothing unsaid. I recently heard a term, self determined life closure. Grandpa has a right to choose his path.
Take Care!

I have to agree with everyone of the below comments . Like your grandpa , I'm dealing with multiple health issues , many of which are painful , and have been for years . Cancer and it's treatments are additionally painful , Even if they are able to stop the cancer , he may well feel his life after the treatment , will continue to be restricted and painful , to the point , that he does not want to go through , what he will have to endure in order to , maybe , get it . In other words , is the price worth the cost , for what he can expect to get out of it ? While you may love him and you'll miss having him in your life , you are not the one dealing withhis medical problems .

Have you considered hospice care? I used to be a nurse and they are great. The limitation is that they are often religious. If you could find a nonreligious hospice then they could be a real comfort.

So he wants to live longer, but is refusing treatment to meet that end... Ugh. I swear, an anti science mentality is a cancer in itself. If he truly wants to live longer his only chance is with modern medicine. He needs to understand the situation with your mother (I'm really sorry by the way) was specific to her; that all bodies react differently. But I'm afraid he's the type that won't allow himself to think that way. Best of luck to you and him!!!

Be Strong... Wishing You the Very Best Life Can Offer.

It's hard when people close to you choose to do something that is really outside your belief system. And painful, too, when you feel they are making mistakes. It is his life, though, and quite a lot of older people with cancer opt for palliative care rather than invasive and often unpleasant treatment. Try to accept that it is his and supporting that may make it easier for you

He will do what he will do. Sad, but its ultimately his choice.

Sorry that you are having to go through this.

Regardless of what his "rationale" may be, everyone has the right to refuse treatment.
None of us are going to live forever.
We don't always get to choose how we die.
Some folks find a certain "dignity" in making that choice for themselves.

Good luck to you going forward. Hope you are able to make the most of whatever time you have left with him.

there is no effective way to prepare. i knew my mother was dying and her death was a shock anyway. you also can't force someone to live if they are resigned to death, or force them to take treatment if they're convinced it will kill them, or kill them faster. all you can do is love him. well, one other thing: you can write him a very calm letter explaining how you feel and what you think about treatment (and leave the dream part out; he doesn't need to know that; make this about HIM). emphasize that you love him and are not trying to control him. it might not change his mind but it will let him know how you feel.

g

Death comes to us all. As long as he is fully informed, it is his choice as whacky as that choice might be, it is still his choice. Sympathies. I have relatives with a similar mindset.