I've lost everything at least five times in my life.
Things are not important, it comes and it goes.
People also come and go and while you may be given opportunities to get to know them, to help them,and perhaps they help you. Eventually they too leave you one way or another.

But, what stays is you. Everything changes, everything goes away.

I recall when I was 24 I left everything I knew and moved across the country to start a new career. Eight months later, I was homeless.

I reset, re-engaged and reconnected.

Another time was when I got laid off in the middle of college I ended up having to take two shitty jobs to make up for the salary loss. Lost my apartment and slept in my car inbetween working both full time jobs. All while taking a full course load at the college.

I almost didn't graduate because of flunking a major exam. I'd been awake off an on for four days working jobs and had no time to study.. And it was kind of hard to work on my final design presentation in the back seat of a crappy 1978 Ford Fiesta.

The other times, same deal lost job, lost my apartment, moved in with friends or family and started over again.. lost a significant other who dumped me..

But the worst event of my life was the day my father died. The months after I left my job, took on so much stress.. had a mental breakdown two years later.

Do you know what got me though it all and to this day keeps me going?

I learned to love myself and to learn to love others. To connect, to care, and to realise things.. don't love you back.

Try and find your belief in yourself, to love yourself and loosing things, status, or political clout means nothing.

We make our own heavens and hells in our minds. It sounds to me like you are making your own hell. Life is what YOU make of it so stop holding yourself back and you might find things getting easier for you...

Stop it, stop it, stop it. From now on just before you fall asleep I want you to think of all the good things that you have to be grateful for that day, and keep on doing it every night.

Our bodies and mind is like one huge Supercomputer except we are much more advanced than a computer. You have and are still being programmed by limiting negative beliefs. You will surely experience all of those things because as you believe you will become. Try hypnosis and affirmations daily to slowly change your programming

This is normal but try not to make it excessive. My next stage (whenever it comes) is to move into an apartment for older folks. You drop a lot of possessions to do that but all the bills are paid. You have 3 rooms and limited things, free TV, but have to buy your own food. Some people in these places still have cars and some do not. It is after this that you go into assisted living at another place entirely.

that's familiar.

Welcome to the club.
God created a beautiful world.
At least we're not hunted down and ripped apart by vicious carnivorous predators, like many animals, or spend our lives running away from them! Just think: you could have been born a gazelle!

All I can say for sure Barry, is keep your chin up and keep doing what you’re doing. Life is a scary ride, and nothing is for certain...and the older we get, yes, the scarier it gets. I, myself and at a new beginning and rebirth (so to speak) myself, after my marriage of 10 years ended. I did loose pretty much everything in regards to material aspects. But, I still have those around me that love and respect me for me, and will do so until life truly comes to an end for myself or for them. Unlike what you mentioned though, with my life going in circles now and as I grow older, my emotions are wide open and I, as a person am open too. I find that by being open now with emotions and such, I grow stronger and I learn more and become better because of those emotions.
I’m unsure if this helps you, but perhaps in some small way it may. In the end, keep being you and keep doing what makes you good about being you.

As long as you are afraid that your heart will be broken, you will never fully open it to anyone or anything. My heart was broken, and it took me years to fully recover (and I will never be the same; I have recovered, but I am not the "old me" anymore), but I came through it and am glad for the experience.

It sounds like you are afraid of losing yourself, that somehow you will disappear in the face of loss (and it's not clear to me what it IS that you think you will lose), You may be changed by loss, you may be affected by it, but that effect can be positive, negative, or both. You can set up trusts or financial whatevers to protect your financial assets, but the only way to protect your emotions is to try to wall yourself off. I've attempted that, and it is NOT the wisest strategy. For me it led to bitterness and resentment of other people's happiness. If you have friends and family that emotionally support and love you, you have something valuable. Make "use" of it; keep the lines of love and communications open. You can choose how much emotion to release; you can control it, it does not have to control you. It might be helpful for you to see a counselor who can help you develop strategies to deal with emotions that feel overwhelming.

One of the fears you may be dealing with is the fear of not knowing, not being sure WHAT will happen if you truly get in touch with your emotions. But as long as you never explore your emotions, that fear will always be there. Don't spend your life in fear of the unknown; make it a known, so you can deal with it.

Good luck to you.

I am 82 years old, but I do not understand your fear. At age 45, I developed diabetes, had back surgery and colo-rectal surgery. At that time, I was wondering if I was coming apart at the seams. But, I overcame all of that and am in better health today than I was then. My 50s were the most productive years of my professional career. At age 57 I ended a horrible marriage which was threatening my sanity. At age 58, I began a new marriage which is a very good one and which will last until one of us dies.

Yes, middle and old age is a process of giving up things which you thought you could not live without, but you survive and learn that you can still enjoy life without those things. You have to learn to shift from long range goals to short-term ones and to live in the moment. Today, I know who I am and am content with being me. I do not worry about death at all. The only thing I fear is the possibility of Alzheimer's.

Applaud you for posting this.

Disagree with letting fear guide you though. That is a choice. Those religious folk just pretend their God will take that away. Agnostics don't have that luxury so must look fear in the face and question its origins with the intent to overcome it, seems to me.

My suggestion would be take Amisia up on her offer. Sheffield is not far away. A smart and compassionate lady who I am sure can give you another perspective on what’s going on. Sometimes we can’t see the wood for the trees and someone else’s input can let a bit daylight in.

Well it seems your are going through the stages of grief when experiencing a loss, in this case your expectation of an afterlife and recognizing that your mortality is real. It might be good to talk to a grief counselor or talk with other people coming to terms with their own mortality. You will need to restructure your life priorities. I decided that the only form of immortality we can achieve is being remembered so I try to live my life so that I will be remebered for some impact in an area I value. Perhaps that might help to cope.

Just remember we have been told these are the golden years all our lives!

The old ones sure had a sense of humor we never imagined possible!

LOL!

Ultimately, we all have to ask the ultimate question of “why am I here?”. Those of us that are Atheist (agnostic too) have the advantage/burden of not just taking an easy BS way out (some other being put me here blah blah blah). For me, my reality is this: material things (including property, etc) are impermanent, fleeting, hollow. Other beings, or rather the connection and emotion we share/feel with and toward them are the only real permanence we have. So yes, that can make the loss of them MORE terrifying because they are what matters. But if you squelch the only real reason for existence because of the fear of losing it, you have already lost it without getting the joy of it. So then there is no purpose! Accept that loss is inevitable and you no longer fear it...it frees you to enjoy what is in your life. You know you are only here NOW. Do you really want to spend that time in misery (and not feeling, or feeling constant dread is misery) when you can instead feel love, connection, humour, joy just as easily (actually it’s easier...anguish or shutting off emotion requires a lot of effort!) participate in the good stuff? So when your life does come to a close, you’ve gotten to experience the good stuff, the stuff that you can never actually lose.

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

I'm sorry you are so fearful of so much.

It's easy to give in to fear and let it overwhelm you to the point of being paralyzed.
I go in the exact opposite direction with all of that. I refuse to be afraid of anything.

Know NO fear.
Be bold. Do not fear the inevitable.
Enjoy whatever time you have.
Enjoy whatever time you have with those you love.
Worrying about anything is a waste of your time.

Hiya Barry, Are you ok lad? You can't predict the future, all you have is the here and now. We have to hold on for dear life and enjoy every minute. I spent an hour at the tip this morning. I was literally the only female there, emptying wet, soggy, smelly pop bottles into the containers. Sorting out bottles into colours as I got drenched in the rain. I texted my friend Donna who was emailing me about work. I told her I am on leave but happy to swap...we had a 15 minute text convo about nothing much and whether men can ever look sexy in hi viz . I giggled all the way home. Nothing magical, no hearts n flowers..just a few daft moments in the Lancashire rain. I am not giving you advice but honestly the joy in our lives is often very shy and you sometimes have to pull up yer big girl knicks and go hunting . I wish you well...alternatively come over for a brew.

When I lost my father, my rock, my mentor at your age, I was sure that I was not going to ever survive or be able to recover. I closed my heart to emotions and operated on automatic pilot...smiling when appropriate, frowning when appropriate, etc...devoid of emotions, really, just going through the motions.

It took a few years, but, the experience taught me that I am much stronger and resilient than I thought...I survived it...it made me realize also that life is indeed short, and as an atheist, I believe it is the only one we get...here and now.

Instead of focusing on loss, which we all will inevitably face, with the loss of pets, family, friends, careers, homes, etc, focus on improving your life through whatever makes you happy: learning, art, music, travel, food...also focus on how you treat and make a mark on others...how you add to the lives of others...the intertwining of you and others like you creates an incredible bond that strengthens the heart and prepares you for losses...

The depth of your loss will equal what you put into it...so yes, it is scary...terrifying...but if you let it stop your life and living now, in the present, then your life is already lost...you are already dead to yourself and to others even before your physical death...

Contemplate and share your feelings, but remember to live daily as well...