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So, there I was sitting on my front veranda, drinking a well earned coffee, minding my own business.
When out the corner of my eye I see my Evangeloon neighbour standing precariously on a very thin board stretched between 2 tall ladders, about 8 feet above the ground, armed with a chainsaw and trying to prune a tree in his front garden.
Me being careful me, couldn't help myself, so told him that in my opinion what he was doing was both very unsafe and probably dangerous to boot.
His reply was, "I'm not worried like you would be, I have Jesus and God watching over me."
So I simply went back to seat and drank my coffee until, suddenly, there was this loud crashing sound mixed in the sound of cracking and breaking timber.
A quick glance over the fence, and there he is, sprawled out the ground, left arm dangling at a very awkward angle from the shoulder, the chainsaw still running and vibrating its way across the ground towards his nether regions and he is moaning and groaning.
I went inside my house, phoned for the Ambulance, gave them his address, said that, imo, he may have either dislocated his shoulder or broken it,, so could they please hurry as I'm about to go into his yard and remove the danger of the running chainsaw and render first aid.
I get into his front yard, the chainsaw is almost about to start 'nibbling' away at his pants crotch, he is looking to me like he may be going into shock, there is blood seeping out of his ears, so I do the what I was trained to do as nurse and awaiting the Ambulance.
Just before the load into the Ambulance he looks at me and says, " It is ALL your fault, you made Jesus and God loose their concentration, that's why I fell."
Nice to be appreciated isn't it?

Triphid 9 Sep 12
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28 comments

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6

F'ck me, if I do anything to piss you off, just tell me. 🤣🤣

5

You threw God and Jesus off their game, that's quite the Atheist superpower you have. lol

5

Wow,you are more powerful than his gawds! Maybe he should be tithing to you?!

5

You can’t fix stupid. You did the best you could in the situation. You’re a good man

Just doing exactly what any decent human would do in cases like that.

4

You sir, are more powerful than his god. I salute you.

4

He’s obviously got a god fixation, but how he can think you have the power to distract god or Jesus is troublesome...perhaps it means he thinks you are a god with even greater powers than them!

I'm pretty sure nurses do have more power than gawd.

@MyTVC15 Of course...never thought of that!

@mytvc15

Nurses generally deserve more praise than any god.

4

That poor bastard, will he never learn! Good job he’s got a neighbour like you to call the ambulance. Thank you for continuing to be decent in the face of his petulance 😊

3

Hey! If you can influence god in that way, how about influencing her to give food and clean drinking water to all the starving children f the world?

Exactly, & stop child abuse while at it.

Oh how I wish I could do all those things and more besides.

3

You have an awful lot of power!

3

The stupid - it burns. I'm not sure how any of us are still alive on this planet. No wonder the world is in such a mess.

I think that it was George Carlin who said 'Consider how stupid the average American is and then realize that half the population is even more stupid than that'. Funny, the way scary and profound statements often are. 😀

3

You would think they would be accustomed to being distracted. Anyhow thanks for helping, and the man is still a moron.

3

You denied him his Darwin Award. How could you do such a thing? 😉 🙂 🙂

2

The chainsaw headed for his reproductive region... sounds like you should have waited for a few minutes. Being a nurse, I'm sure the blood wouldn't have been a problem for you, but you could have saved the world and gotten a chance to write in for a Darwin Award. The good you could have done for the world. (I know, not really in the nature of somebody who becomes a nurse.)

In hindsight I guess you might be on to something there.
the chainsaw would have ensured that he could never breed more of his kind thus reducing the world of a very small percentage of the religious idiocy that he exudes.
But I once, while cutting up a log with my chainsaw, cut through the log and a 6' long Brown Snake as well. The blood and tissues, etc, that literally went everywhere were not a pretty sight to behold.

2

Interesting, but they think this way. I recently had a computer repair friend tell me he was "not of this world." That likely explains why he has pointy ears.

2

Instead of saying Thank You, to you! These religious nuts are always blaming someone else!

God always gets a pass

2

Moron

bobwjr Level 10 Sep 12, 2020

Well he still believes has symptoms of the Moron-A virus that I diagnosed (as a bit of harmless fun and a laugh btw) back when the Covid-19 pandemic first started.

2

I would give him a chance to apologize, as obviously he was in shock, so maybe, (and it probably is a big maybe), he will change his thinking after some time to reflect on the matter. If he persists on that blame game, I would be keen to point out that if that is the case, then GGGGEEEZZZZUUUSSSS and Dog are not so powerful after all, if little old me can distract him. I would not seek the fool out though, if the clown ever needs something again, I would not be so keen on helping him, who knows, clown might find some reason to sue you . . . . let the clown cut his nuts off next time, ha ha ha.

1

Send this to him should he come to his senses and let him realise how close he was to losing his manhood 😅

Now that is what I call a completely idiotic act being done by an utter cretin.

1

When he said he had god on his side... I would have spit back... "I have Darwin on mine!"

Darwin wins yet again....

1

Next time just get your phone out and start recording.

I can't be like that or so cruel, not in my nature or training plus I only have the old land-line.

@Triphid I think that neigbor of yours deserves everything that is coming to them.

@Jolanta Now that is a wee bit on the harsh side BUT I do kind of agree with you though.

@Triphid I am a though woman.

1

Did he have 5G? If not, maybe he "lost his connection" because he didn't upgrade. You're clear. As for him, all I could say is you poor poor bastard.

1

What an asshat

1

God and Jesus aren't all powerful then?

Apparently we need to look out for the Aussie God @triphid 😂

1

His "God" was trying to say:
Thou art damned if thee doeth
And damned if thee don't doeth!

0

another good one by the scriptwriters for the entertainment of the gods.

Oh I should be able write such scripts, then maybe I could be a renowned Script Writer for Hollywood.

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