I've screwed up again. I started chatting with a guy on a dating site and he seemed nice. Not creepy,said things that I thought were him trying to be funny. After talking to him for a couple days,I've realised he's just not the sharpest tool in the shed. He repeats the same empty phrases over and over doesn't have any serious interests and to be frank bores the shit out of me. I'm going to have to disconnect and its going to suck because I really don't want to hurt his feelings. He seems genuinely respectful and nice. Why is dating so fricking hard? Aaaaaagh. Nice guys don't have anything to talk about and the fun ones all seem to turn out to be dudes trying to cheat on their spouses.
Keep trawling . There are lots of lonely boys out there. after age 28 only the quiet ones are left !
I'm sorry. I know what you mean about dating sites. I haven't even gotten an actual date yet, but the people I've talked to just don't cut it.
I'm not married.
You are thousands of miles away however.
@Blindbird
@Blindbird & my favorite of his, been there before & in some ways still recovering, not from the individual as much as leery of relationships, in general, a bit. I try not to be gun-shy, but, it's work.
@phxbillcee haha you've happened onto one of my guilty musical pleasures. Dwights awesome.
@phxbillcee. Another guilty pleasure
I have found jerks online and in RL. I do not understand some men either. I had given it up until recently. I have been ask out in RL and I have had some chats.meet for coffee episodes that started on line. They start with the do you think we can hook up. I get up and leave. One followed me clear to my car begging me to go sit in here car with him. I never said a word to this one. When I got home I called my married daughter to ask if hook up meant screw. She said yes. I gave up. It is 20 years since my last RL 4 yr relationship. I thought maybe things changed so I see if that last special man I would spend the rest of my life with is there. So far the answer is no. I am not like some women. I do not need a man to complete me, but I would like a great guy to be with. If is doesn't happen I have all kinds of interest/hobbies I can play with. You will have t let me know how you do.
Update: I called and told him how I felt about the situation. He said he had thought we had a real connection. You never know how it looks from the other side unless you ask, I guess.
You have to consider one actual fact of life: males are not just males; we are “the ever-hopeful male”. Sounds funny, but think about it; it is serious and to be thought about in any relationship, specially at the onset.
You're a treasure.
@Blindbird awww
You've not met yet so why are you so worried ? If he messages don't reply straight away . Let it dwindle if he's on a dating site he will be chatting to others and will have his time taken up by them . Think of it this way if you were in a bar you'd be using the just popping to the loo excuse and not returning to him but also saying hi the next time you passed him in the club
Honestly people get expectations QUICK. Its the worst tging about dating.
@Blindbird that's the real needy ones and they are the ones to avoid anyways lol
@NFAguy53 well that might be part of your problem. Have you tried being less of a stick in the mud?
The only advice I can give is to be gentle but blunt. Let hime know that you don't see this going anywhere and you think you should disconnect. One thing I've learned about online dating is that a curtious rejection is still better than a cold disconnect. If he's still amenable then you could also point out what he did that turned you off so he could work on that part of his character. If he is actually a "good guy" and not just some deuche with "nice guy syndrome" then he will respect you and thank you for your honesty.
It's just life. your statement just isn't true.
Avoid the nice guys...they are anything but nice.
Ok seriously though what does that even mean? Men who aren't rude and crude right off the bat are psychos?
What?
@Archer Over the years I've observed that men who claim they are nice in most cases are the direct opposite. They stalk, harass, and cheat others, especially women. Men who readily admit that they have a dark side and are just human and make mistakes are usually telling the truth. As for me, I'm not a nice guy, far from it, but I try to be decent and fair to others....and yes I have a dark side Hope that explained things.
@SpikeTalon. Are you Steve? Damnit Steve.
@Blindbird Steve?
@SpikeTalon the ole bait and switch? Thanks for enlightening me. I wasn't sure if it was meant to be sarcastic? Now I'll know to run from the nice ones. Lol.
@Archer Unfortunately, that time I was being serious. Those who self-identify as nice guys are not necessarily psychos, but they sure can be moronic and clueless.
@SpikeTalon Nodding.
@BillyBoy2018 it's a trap. Lol
@Archer Who is that you referred to? I see no one here by that name...
@SpikeTalon his post is 3 above this. Tagged you too.
@Archer I cannot see that user, and when I click the name it says he is not an active user.
@SpikeTalon usually means you've been blocked. Others still see their posts and replies but you don't.
When you find the right one, you will be able to tell him “I went through xx number of screw ups just to find you!” It happens to us guys too, finding the right woman is no better roses. At least you can smell a jerk or weirdo right away, but try dealing with drama and the “I deserve the absolute freaking best” attitude!! But, we will keep trying. Don’t take it as a screw up; think of it as one of those dresses you take to the fitting room and just was not what you thought it would be.
Hi Blindbird, Your happiness should come first in a new relationship. You found out that this man is not for you because he is not mentally stimulating. Sometimes you can look for love and can't find it, then out of nowhere you will meet someone that is intellectual, funny, kind, and with similar interests. Good luck finding your match!
I personally don't feel is a screw up...just open up to him about how you feel maybe he might change his approach to how he communicates with you.
Not all the fun ones are looking to cheat.some of us just want someone to play around with.in a good way
It could be a robot! There are a number of psychology students doing projects using auto resposes...your description of repetition and emotionless replies makes me very suspicious.
The robots tend to have photos of twenty somethings with large breasts blonde hair and always ask for your credit card details so you can see her on camera
@SimonMorgan1 not on POF, only supposed photos of themselves. That sounds more like a porn site for men...
@AnneWimsey lol it's been a scam on the internet for years and most sites whether Facebook / msn messenger/ chatrooms the lot
As the guy on the other end of these conversations, I don't mind, other than a couple of hours of disappointment. In most cases, if it isn't romantic, I'll still have made a new friend.
Some of this is caused by a man thinking that you feel exactly like he does. We are all guilty of that. The truth is, nobody feels exactly like you do. True with men and women alike. This is why we have to discuss things and get to know each other. Often we lie about this. We "want" others to feel exactly like we do and often just assume they do by the way we interpret our chat.
I used to think my ex wife felt exactly like I do on many things. It means I kept on believing this nonsense even after we were married a while. If it was true she would not be an ex wife would she?
Imagine a man and woman laying on their backs smoking cigarettes under a starry sky just after they have had sex. One asks the other "are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Sorry folks. There just is no way possible that this is real.
Awe. What site/app are you using?
Lol. Meetme actually. You posted something about it and I checked it out.
@Blindbird I have an account, but I have not been on there. My ex found me on there.