Sorry to hear that you are in such a funk. I went through a temporary funk myself, but now I am happier than I ever was when I lived with the shackles of false mythology...except when I was young and totally immersed in the deception. Yes, there is something to the saying that ignorance is bliss. But, no going back to believing in Santa Claus.
I don't attempt to convert/awaken others. In my experience it doesn't work anyway. They have to come to you with questions, which means they have doubts and are searching for truth. Then I am simply honest about what I believe, or more accurately, don't believe and why. I haven't come this far to be dishonest, hypocritical, and live an inauthentic life.

It must be difficult and bewildering for someone like you who has believed something from when you were old enough to understand, to now come to the realisation that it was all built on fantasy, like a giant fairy tale. As a lifelong unbeliever and freethinker I can’t put myself entirely into your shoes, but I can empathise as a fellow human being, I can understand how coming to this realisation that everything you believed in was untrue must have left a huge void in your life. You must however not despair, because you are now free to find your own purpose to living, with no thoughts of an afterlife it makes this life of ours on earth much more real and important. I feel fulfilled every day by my friendships with others, my children and grandchildren, my many interests and activities, mostly involving interaction with other human beings. Human enjoyment and wonder at nature and it’s beauty...and destructive ability, the oceans, the mountains, the wildlife...animals both wild and our domesticated pets who bring us love and companionship. Art and sculpture, music....so many different genres to enjoy listening to, wonderful buildings built by man’s ingenuity, sports, either to participate in or to watch, travel...so many places to visit, not enough time to see them all. Life is more wonderful because we know that there is no god, we can take pride in the achievements of our own fellow human beings and reach out to others in fellowship. That we may never have all the answers to how we came to be here isn’t really important, it’s living life to the fullest because we are here that is.

Believe is a variable always shifts towards a perfect tune yet it is not achived ever and tends to unwilling force and probable attributes merging or diverging. Fixed and constant believe is so called orthodox religion and unfixed and constant believe to a will force and to an all knowing, all controling unproved entity. So I believed is also changeable.

I'm not quite sure there is a question seeking an answer in your post. Unless it is the final one about allowing people to believe what they will. I guess it depends on whether or not you think you must try to convert believers to non-belief. If that is it, then my response is people will believe what they want to believe, no matter how many facts, how much logic or how many examples are presented to them. I think we all must find our own reason for living, or not, and go with it. In watching the science presentations on TV, especially about solar systems, galaxies, universes, universe expansion, etc., it seems to me that we are truly less than an ingrown hair on the ass of a huge creature so that our existence and experiences are ours to control because no one else is doing that. Abort, give birth, live, commit suicide, marry, reproduce, be celibate, it is all up to us how we approach it and experience it. And to my thinking, ultimately there is no good or bad way to do it, so long as we don't, mindfully, hurt anyone else along the way. Anyway, that's my take on it.

So to sum it up;

you're becoming agnostic,

but you don't want to "advertise" it, or get in to debates about it.

Am I getting the gist, here?

My answer?

The older and wiser you get, the more you ask questions about "myths".

Blind faith is hard to sustain in this day and age...so kudos to you for recognizing your shift in values.

There's no agnostic "church'.
No places to meet. No groups to hang with.
There is this website...which as you see is growing and expanding.

I encourage you to stay. Join groups that you might be interested in. Share your bio and some pics.

Life is short. Share a smile...that's all we ask....

About the inevitable "what happens when we die" thing that all #religulous are pre-occupied with, I defer to a comment made by a fabulous writer. You might want to read or watch his video, "The God delusion"...he says this about death;

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