For me, that old "square peg in a round hole" feeling is always with me, but having to attend any sort of religious ritual amplifies it even more. All those deep dark secrets I'm not privy too... everyone knowing when to sit stand, pray, sing, talk, smile, etc.... I have no clue, (I prefer to remain clueless about such things). I feel like a captive audience in most situations where you're required to "sit, stay" for an extended period of time. But religious events are THE WORST! Someone please pat me on the head, give me a chew toy, tell me I'm a good girl and let me go back to my favorite blanket.

It may have been a crutch for you, but for me they haven't seemed related. I'm anxious before and after believing in that crap. But not believing makes holidays particularly stressful around here. Some days I can't stand the hypocritical pageantry. Anyone else want to disappear?

Personally, I think the two go hand in hand. I have read that introverted people tend to be more intelligent and that more intelligent people tend to question the existence of a higher power. I don't think one is a crutch for the other, more of a side effect.

Certainly not. You are simply expressing your real beliefs and feelings and you recognize them. If you didn't want to go - then you did as you should have. No reason to feel guilty about it which is perhaps why you are questioning it. They want you to feel guilty because that is all the theists actually have anymore is projecting feelings of guilt;

I think being an introvert we would use any excuse to avoid crowds so agnostic or headache easier than just saying no.We really do need more assertive training.lol