Perhaps

I can't help but imagine you doing your best Captain Picard imitation, saying "Engage."

@bingst he wouldn't say "if you want " after it

@Cutiebeauty Maybe he will in the new series, which I probably won't get to see.

@bingst what new series? Really?

@Cutiebeauty Star Trek: Picard Check this post: [agnostic.com] (includes a link to the trailer).

Good point. I agree

Small talk isn't "minutiae" of someone's life. It's fake conversation created to uphold social norms - forced positivity when someone says "good morning" at work or "how are you?", "how was your weekend?" That kind of thing. They don't want a real response. They want the expected response, which is short, positive, upbeat, no real discussion of emotions or feelings. When they ask "how are you?" or "how was your weekend?", they don't want the real story. That's small talk. "Great weather we're having." That's small talk. I might feel completely differently about the weather, might be having a crappy day when someone says "good morning," so it's not particularly good for me. But they don't want to hear about it, don't want to hear how I'm feeling. They just want a confirming response to make them feel better about themselves, to continue the stream of short, meaningless social interactions that seem to make so many people assume their daily lives are running smoothly. That's small talk. And I hate every minute of it.

I don't mind listening to the minutiae of someone's day. That tells me far more about them than having a boring social normative conversation ("good morning," "how are you?" ) ever could. I actually prefer people to discuss the real stuff with me, start off with the big emotions, how they're really feeling, what they're really experiencing. I despise fakeness. I'd much rather have a real conversation, no fake small talk, any day of the week.

@dan325 I get what you're saying and feel much the same way. What I've learned, though, is that people don't want a meaningful response when they ask "how are you?", "how was your weekend?," etc. They just want the standard response - "fine, thanks," "the weekend was too short," or "I had a relaxing weekend." That's all they want to hear, especially when followed by a question about themselves: "I had a great weekend! How about you?" They just want to feel acknowledged, seen, and have a brief chance to talk about themselves. They could care less about how things are for you or what you might want to get out of the conversation.

I used to try to change this by attempting to have a meaningful conversation when someone asked me "how are you?" or something similar at work. I'd try to open up, be sincere, tell them how I was really feeling. But they just don't want to hear it. They really don't want to know how I'm doing. They're just asking the question to be polite, express a social norm, and expect the socially normative response in return - "fine, thanks; you?" That's what makes them happy. Doesn't make me happy, but if they truly gave a sh*t about me, they'd already know that.

@dan325, @Ruby_Slipper Yes, I know what small talk is, thank you. But at least it's usually brief. The other one is people you barely know going on and on about their grandchildren and their crab grass and their medical issues.

@TheoryNumber3 Your initial comment indicated you had a different perception of small talk, which is why I offered an explanation. I get where you're coming from, though, about people boring you with details of their life that you don't really have any interest in hearing. In those situations, I've learned to creatively lie: "That's a really interesting story, but I really have to get back to work. I'll catch up with you later." I hate to be that way, but people who prefer making small talk do it to me all the time whenever I've tried to get them to actually engage with me. I've had to learn to give it back by doing the same when I'm faced with someone going on about elements of their life that I'm not really interested in hearing. I try not to be cruel about it, but it's tough to disengage from a conversation with someone doing that without seeming a little cruel.

@dan325 I understand. I'm on the spectrum, too.