I'm not a fan of the idea of pathologising experience. Ie. They've got baggage; they're wounded etc. I don't think experience is something you "heal" from. It's something you accomodate into your life, something you learn from, something you are afterwards changed by, in either a functional or dysfunctional way. But it's not something you can put down or be healed from. It's your life experience, something you paid for, one way or another and it teaches you, for better, or worse, and you might have to learn other ways to manage it, but it is still going to be a part of who you are. Just my rant for the day.
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9 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I have had to heal myself.....without help, but now feels Far different than then, when I was literally reacting rather than acting. So I do not agree.
AnneWimsey
Level 9
July 17, 2020
0
But do you think think there is something wrong with you for having gone through that, or is this just who you are now?
@Cyklone no, I had very bad luck exacerbated by bad choices in some instances. (Not All!)
I like the person I am now, and Know I can rely on my toughness & response to problems, so I feel in many ways grateful for my traumas, even though I would not wish them on anyone
It is the grief analogy of the ball in the box. There is a button in the box that when the ball hits it causes pain. When the grief is fresh the ball is huge and the button gets hit often. Gradually the ball gets smaller, the button is bumped less. And then something will trigger the ball to grow again, and the cycle repeats. My mom died when I was 14, yes, I adjusted. However that ball has grown several times. When my children were born I missed my mom hugely, she would have been a terrific grandmother. When I accepted that xianity was false I grieved for her again as it was comforting to think of her in heaven with the baby that I lost. It has been almost 50 years since my mom died, I still miss her. Most days that ball is small, and then something will trigger it, but it usually isn't an overwhelming pain, just part of the fabric of my life.
HippieChick58
Level 9
July 17, 2020
4
I'm too young to have baggage.. Now luggage is a different story
Cutiebeauty
Level 9
July 17, 2020
2
I started picking up baggage at a very young age, far to young. The one that I will publicly discuss was my mother's death when I was 14, and my father's remarriage 6 months later. I talk about the earlier baggage only in very safe places and rarely publicly. So you're not too young. If you truly don't have any baggage you are very fortunate.
@HippieChick58 I lost my mom and dad at age ten.. And I had baggage then.. Lots of baggage.. But I got help and moved on... It took awhile but OK with it now...
@Cutiebeauty But now you are a new and different being, not "damaged goods". ( this is what I mean by not pathologising experience)
Nah you are not. You are LUCKY to not have baggage. I am your age and I have much baggage and trauma in my life... not from choices but from unfortunate life circumstances and bad luck.
I think "baggage" is life history that becomes an issue when it blocks the person from moving past it. If you're in a bad car crash, that's life history. If it prevents you from ever getting in another car, that's its baggage.
RonWilliam53
Level 7
July 17, 2020
4
Isn't "patholizing experiences" called drama?
St-Sinner
Level 9
July 17, 2020
0
No, it is called sometimes life sucks and bad things sometimes happens to innocents victims.
you are your experience in a way
TheDoubter
Level 9
July 17, 2020
2
Yes. Thank you.
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