So I was married to a woman for 28 years who was not vaginally orgasmic. No problem... we accommodate, I get a less than stellar experience on that front, but we still have fun in other aspects. So as far as that period of my life is concerned, not a problem. But I never learned to make love to a woman who enjoyed it, to prolong, to get "skilled" in that arena.

Now, after 28 years of experience with one woman, I have to "move on"... and as much as I don't want to bring that "damage" forward... I have had a performance anxiety issue with the one person I had an opportunity to engage with since. She was everything I was scared a woman would do/say to me. Now.. most of that is her being a narcissist and not caring... but I am sure gun shy about just seeking casual encounters to build myself up... why? Because I don't want to disappoint, or get more of that kind of treatment.

So, can I grow past this, or is that my fate? Can I find someone who understands, and takes their time, and helps me "catch up", or am I doomed? I think that's what "heal" from means. Getting past the bad experiences in our life in a way we can enjoy, and not just enjoy, but feel confident bringing joy to someone else.

I have had to heal myself.....without help, but now feels Far different than then, when I was literally reacting rather than acting. So I do not agree.

It is the grief analogy of the ball in the box. There is a button in the box that when the ball hits it causes pain. When the grief is fresh the ball is huge and the button gets hit often. Gradually the ball gets smaller, the button is bumped less. And then something will trigger the ball to grow again, and the cycle repeats. My mom died when I was 14, yes, I adjusted. However that ball has grown several times. When my children were born I missed my mom hugely, she would have been a terrific grandmother. When I accepted that xianity was false I grieved for her again as it was comforting to think of her in heaven with the baby that I lost. It has been almost 50 years since my mom died, I still miss her. Most days that ball is small, and then something will trigger it, but it usually isn't an overwhelming pain, just part of the fabric of my life.

I'm too young to have baggage.. Now luggage is a different story

My thing is to accept and help them heal

I think "baggage" is life history that becomes an issue when it blocks the person from moving past it. If you're in a bad car crash, that's life history. If it prevents you from ever getting in another car, that's its baggage.

Amor Fati

You are what you eat.

Isn't "patholizing experiences" called drama?