So I've been divorced now for almost 21 months. My ex left for South Korea shortly after getting the divorce papers and everything was finalizee after he left. He's still over there. Here it's me and my two girls. I have a 10 year old and a 14 year old. It's weird but i wasn't planning to look for anything but then I had been responding to a friend's post on Facebook and he had a friend on there who saw my posts and friended me. You camt even find me on Facebook unless you are friends with a friend of mine. So this is the only way he would have found me. It was weird. Obviously was looking for sex only and I was hesitant to even meet him in person because i didn't know him. Eventually we meet though it is in public. The next time we go to a hotel. After a couple of more hook ups, i ended it. He got weird and didnt want to talk and then finally admitted someone from his past came back into his life and he needed time to think. I just didnt need the off and on i was getting from him. It was the first time i had been with anyone other than my ex husband since we met in 1999.
Now i have been talking to my friend the guy foumd me through. We met when i went back to college. We were both married so nothing more than friends but we were in the same program and he became a parent not long after we met so we had those commonalities. So now he is getting divorced and we have been talking more but there too i don't know.
I just feel really lonely these days and want to find someone but at the same time i'm terrified to because my ex was a controlling religious fanatic...
3
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8 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.I think you need to start looking after yourself. Why have sex with someone you do not care for, it is very soul destroying no matter how lonely or alone you feel. Start loving yourself, think about all the things you have achieved and how great you are. Don't look for that from someone else but from yourself.
Jolanta
Level 9
Sep 8, 2020
1
Have as much sex as you want. Some day all you'll have is memories.
BitFlipper
Level 8
Aug 31, 2020
0
You are going to catch a bad disease if you fall into bed that fast.....have you been tested since the last guy?
Learn to fill your days with things YOU enjoy, stop thinking it is "empty"!
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Aug 29, 2020
3
I have an gyn exam scheduled soon to get everything looked over. And actually that was slow compared to when I met my now ex. Him I did sleep with on our first meet up. But was monogamous with him for close to 20 years. And that was only 13 days after meeting online. This one we didnt even meet in person until 17 days and it was the next time before we did anything. But that was after being divorced more than a year and a half.
@SimplyJaneen when you met your Ex, you could not catch something incurable........you have kids, you need to be more, much more, cautious. There are guys out there who Know they have AIDS & try to pass it on for "revenge"!
In addition, just so you know, the fastest-growing HIV-Positive demographic in the country, for well over a decade now, is women over 60, so tell your Mom & her friends to be Extra careful...the men in the appropriate age group resist condoms because we are "too old to get pregnant", but apparently not old enough to die......in addition, I have been hit on several times in the last 2 years by Much younger guys who thought I would be a "safe haven"...I educated the hell outta them!
@AnneWimsey AIDs was around in 1999. As for my mom...where she is at that isn't going to be an issue... Same with my dad... As for condoms, most men seem to resist them.
@SimplyJaneen I meant to pass the info to All older women!, not implying anything about your Mom! Most do not know this, and we get misdiagnosed at an Astounding rate if we do get it!
Resist condoms, , do without. Period!
@AnneWimsey my parents are in kind of an unusual situation. But I think i have read that rates are going up in those ages.
@SimplyJaneen for Women....for over a decade! We top every other age group in "new diagnoses", and when you think that doctors ASSume women our age have no sex ife, that is Terrifying
@SimplyJaneen my brother in law died of AIDS in '98, so I am well aware, but it was very rare for a true "straight woman" to have it back then unless a drug addict or with a major liar. Now, most are completely asymptomatic, may not even be aware they are carrying it.
When you sleep with someone, you are sleeping with every single person they ever slept with! An old saying, but 1000% True
@SimplyJaneen Before I got re-married, I had a pretty active sex life with multiple women-always used condoms. Even women who were post pregnancy fears (I'm v-safe anyways) accepted me using condoms based on "You know you're having sex with everybody I had sex with" explanation. Use it on men. You can be "clean", he can be clean but the clean woman he last had sex with might have had sex with somebody with an STD.If they don't get the message, they're too dumb to do.
@RonWilliam53 I get that I do. I'll admit I know better. He came around at what is a very vulnerable time of the year for me normally combined with feeling even more vulnerable due to isolating because of the pandemic. He became a distraction i wanted to hold onto at any cost and came to realize finally that the damage to be concerned of was to my mental health more than anything else. I ended it, kindly, let him know we could be friends but i had to much to deal with right now. Haven't heard from him since. My friend did warn me and at the time I wasn't looking for a relationship and thought i would be okay with just a booty call deal. But I ended up feeling used more than anything else.
@RonWilliam53 "they are too dumb to do" might be my next tattoo!
As others have suggested, take time to care for yourself and learn how to be alone without being lonely. It can take a long time to recover from a relationship and jumping into another one too soon usually is not healthy as you may be entering it for the wrong reasons. The guy who is divorcing also needs time. You probably don't want to be his rebound relationship.
itsmedammit
Level 8
Aug 29, 2020
0
True. Just difficult sometimes as the rest of my siblings are married/partnered up and I'm not exactly considered overly attractive by the standards of most people. Why it took me so dang long to leave in the first place. We were married for 15 years.
@SimplyJaneen Totally get it. And I am probably not one to give dating advice, having been single now for most of my adult years.
UUNJ:
@SimplyJaneen It’s not easy early on, being single in a community of friends where everyone else is married, but it gets easier. Focus on friendships rather than romantic or sexual relationships for a while. Get to know who you are as a mature single adult—you haven’t had a chance to get to know her yet!
@UUNJ realistically I know this and especially when my exhusband returns as he's likely to be difficult about the decisions I have been making while he's been gone. I dared to vaccinate our children! Our oldest child is bisexual. They're eating pork! The horror! Anyway, realistically I know this. Emotionally, it's harder.
So I'm sure you're lonely and want companionship but please don't let loneliness be your motivation and your guide. You will pick men who are wrong for you every time. People get into relationships for all kinds of reasons, and only some do it for genuine affection and love. Take care of yourself first. Get to know yourself. Develop yourself and try not to worry about any partner or lack thereof. You're going to be ok.
Freespirit64
Level 8
Aug 29, 2020
4
All too true. I was fine too and then this guy started messenging me and it was one thing after another and I came to realize I really missed being wanted. But i don't want the emptiness that came from a just physical relationship either. Ugh. It does not help I met my ex before I even graduated high school so he was the only one I had been with since becoming an adult. I'm almost 40 now. And yes dating has changed massively since then. I have two kids too so there's that to consider.
I'm sorry for everything you have gone through. After my divorce of 12+ years I realized that the world has seriously changed. Dating is different. People are different. Relationships are different. Being lonely sucks. Even now the days are quiet sometimes. Whatever you do don't rush into another relationship. It's sucks being lonely i know but there are many things you can do for yourself while you are meeting that special someone. You and your friend should take things slow and let the dust settle for his divorce. Be active in life. Go and do fun and exciting things. Experiment with different hobbies. Also, it seems its hard to meet peolle these days but it doesn't hurt to grab a number and talk. When you are feeling lonely or want to have someone to talk to you should be able to reach out to someone. Don't let loneliness bogg you down because it can. You can also end up settling which is never a good thing.
MrChange
Level 7
Aug 29, 2020
4
Good points. Right now working 45 hour weeks and a pandemic is seriously cramping my social life. And I'm an introvert so I'm not big on large crowds. I'm more of a one to one person sitting somewhere and having coffee and talking for hours.
@SimplyJaneen that's cool. Whatever keeps you busy and enjoying life. This pandemic has gotten crazy.
I saw this Janeen:
Janeen Latham with two girls = [facebook.com]
If you will try, you will find a companion. I for one keep low expectations and no too many matching requirements. I believe any relationship requires adjusting lives and habits of both. Even the ones who think it is a perfect match. My best in your search.
St-Sinner
Level 9
Aug 29, 2020
0
That's not me. There are some Janeens running around though it is not too common of a name. But my last name is a color.
So many of us are in the same boat. Lonely or at least wanting a significant other, but afraid of what we will find in them once we look deeper. Fussier? Maybe. Self preservation is more like it. I wish us all luck in our search.
EyesThatSmile
Level 8
Aug 29, 2020
5
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