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How many people here are willing to get involved with a man/woman who is separated, which is technically legally married.
I now have serious reservations and wanted to know what others think.

Kojaksmom 8 Mar 22
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27 comments

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5

Only if i get to talk to the significant other to insure that the separation is real.

Nukdookum Level 8 Mar 23, 2019

Good idea

5

My divorce took nearly two years to finalize, because we were fighting over custody. The relationship was over before we separated and I was ready to date about six months after we separated. I met my partner about 4 months before the divorce was final, and am glad he had no reservations about dating someone who was separated. Of course, every situation is different, but, "technically still married" shouldn't always be an automatic deal breaker in my book.

Minta79 Level 7 Mar 23, 2019
5

I guess that the reason they are still married is the key to finding an answer to that question. I would wonder what the true nature of their relationship with the spouse is also. It is a sticky situation.

AmmaRE007 Level 7 Mar 22, 2019
4

If your asking that question then your not sure. Trust that.

Tooreen Level 7 Mar 23, 2019

I have serious reservations about getting involved with a man who is legally married.

@sweetcharlotte even if they are miserable and sincerely desire it, the overwhelming majority of married people will not leave their spouses for another. It's human nature. Divorce is something they have to do for themselves on their own terms. Our experience was we were human Band-Aids who made someone else's life a little bit more bearable.

4

No. Never. I have standards.

CaroleKay Level 8 Mar 22, 2019
4

It takes 5 years to fully get over a marriage. Move on with care

1000runner Level 7 Mar 22, 2019

@LetzGetReal you are right, but even with good reason for an end to a marriage, there still remains emotional entanglements. Plus this other person is not yet out of the marriage. So even more caution is advisable.

4

i'd probably wait until the partner is totally available

TheDoubter Level 9 Mar 22, 2019
4

I wouldn't...

4

I won’t, and I don’t. To me, they are still married enough not to be ready to move on.

4

I also have some serious reservations. There are so many emotional issues to work through with divorce that it will really be a while before they are healed and really ready to be dating again. It depends on what you want. I'm looking for the long run, and someone fresh from or not yet divorced is not a good candidate for that. Now if you just want a fling, sure, that is a great situation for that. Hot and fast. Same for widowers. Be used to being alone before you're knocking on my door.

4

It's a very iffy thing. There's too many variables to consider. At least (S)he was honest enougn to admit he was "separated"...the more details you know the better. Ask Him/her...."if you were your spouse, what would your POV sound like?

Robecology Level 9 Mar 22, 2019

@LetzGetReal That's why I suggest the probing questions...and look 'em in the eye....use your sense of eye contact to see if they're being honest....that's about all you can do. Some paranoids will do internet research on background checks...some will use private detectives....it all depends on too many variables.

4

I’d wait until divorced and completely free physically emotionally and financially.

DiThor Level 6 Mar 22, 2019

I now agree!

@Kojaksmom I’m also not very good at sharing. I’d hate to get involved and then the divorce doesn’t happen. I’d also have to know I was his main squeeze not a possible back up.

3

I am currently separated and dating copiously. I understand reservations because what if s/he goes back? I am not going back and am in talks with a lawyer. I’m also poly and have been in some tough situations in that regard with people who didn’t handle open relationships with the care they require. It’s all about copious honest, transparent, frank communication. And listening to your gut.

3

I would be involved. With eyes wide open as to how things could turn out....in early relationships, I tend to view the other's engagements as their own, early on none of my business...

2

Carefully, it's okay. I got involved with a woman when I was separated and our relationship lasted 4 and a half years.

2

I would have to make a serious assessment of where they are at to protect myself from being merely the rebound, unless I was ok with being that for them. It could be ok to be the rebound if everyone is in agreement about it.

ejbman Level 7 Mar 22, 2019
2

I agree with Carolina Girl, however I know one gal who remains married & separated for reasons of her hub's health insurance. She doesn't live close, so it's not relevant to my situation Directly...

guynoir Level 6 Mar 22, 2019
1

It depends on the separation agreement and the state you are in. In some states its still a felony although rarely enforced. Talk to your attorney. On the emotional side, to many to list but are there young children? If this person is separated and going to have a nasty divorce? You could end up with a summons to court if the other side finds out. Without particulars its hard to say

1

It all depends on the specifics. I would have to know them really well and trust them.

Cabsmom Level 8 Mar 25, 2019
1

In my backwards state we cannot divorce until joint property is resolved, and we have no resolution for this house.
So I've been totally separated for 6 years, and have encountered more than a couple women who feel that married is married, period. And others who aren't so rigid.
I think once you know someone a little, you can probably tell if they're lying about it.

CallMeDave Level 8 Mar 24, 2019
1

Depends on length of time and reason. My divorce was final within 9 months of me asking for it. In New Jersey US that’s possible, but some states have a waiting period. I wouldn’t be interested in someone who was dragging out the process, but if the separation and waiting period is mandatory...

UUNJ Level 8 Mar 22, 2019
1

no two situations are the same.just be cautuous initially tobe sure your not being used to make the other partner jealous

RoyMillar Level 9 Mar 22, 2019

I never even thought about that.

1

I have never let married, separated, divorced interfere, so long is they are not dead...."having a cold one." is not that appealing.

JimPlatt2 Level 5 Mar 22, 2019
1

General advice?
To avoid the most trouble, there should probably be communication. Let the separated spouse know of your intentions upfront rather than keeping it secret.

0

I thonk it entirely depends upon the person...

Parzival Level 5 Mar 23, 2019
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