How many people here are willing to get involved with a man/woman who is separated, which is technically legally married.
I now have serious reservations and wanted to know what others think.
My divorce took nearly two years to finalize, because we were fighting over custody. The relationship was over before we separated and I was ready to date about six months after we separated. I met my partner about 4 months before the divorce was final, and am glad he had no reservations about dating someone who was separated. Of course, every situation is different, but, "technically still married" shouldn't always be an automatic deal breaker in my book.
If your asking that question then your not sure. Trust that.
I have serious reservations about getting involved with a man who is legally married.
@sweetcharlotte even if they are miserable and sincerely desire it, the overwhelming majority of married people will not leave their spouses for another. It's human nature. Divorce is something they have to do for themselves on their own terms. Our experience was we were human Band-Aids who made someone else's life a little bit more bearable.
It takes 5 years to fully get over a marriage. Move on with care
@LetzGetReal you are right, but even with good reason for an end to a marriage, there still remains emotional entanglements. Plus this other person is not yet out of the marriage. So even more caution is advisable.
i'd probably wait until the partner is totally available
I won’t, and I don’t. To me, they are still married enough not to be ready to move on.
I also have some serious reservations. There are so many emotional issues to work through with divorce that it will really be a while before they are healed and really ready to be dating again. It depends on what you want. I'm looking for the long run, and someone fresh from or not yet divorced is not a good candidate for that. Now if you just want a fling, sure, that is a great situation for that. Hot and fast. Same for widowers. Be used to being alone before you're knocking on my door.
It's a very iffy thing. There's too many variables to consider. At least (S)he was honest enougn to admit he was "separated"...the more details you know the better. Ask Him/her...."if you were your spouse, what would your POV sound like?
@LetzGetReal That's why I suggest the probing questions...and look 'em in the eye....use your sense of eye contact to see if they're being honest....that's about all you can do. Some paranoids will do internet research on background checks...some will use private detectives....it all depends on too many variables.
I’d wait until divorced and completely free physically emotionally and financially.
I am currently separated and dating copiously. I understand reservations because what if s/he goes back? I am not going back and am in talks with a lawyer. I’m also poly and have been in some tough situations in that regard with people who didn’t handle open relationships with the care they require. It’s all about copious honest, transparent, frank communication. And listening to your gut.
I would be involved. With eyes wide open as to how things could turn out....in early relationships, I tend to view the other's engagements as their own, early on none of my business...
Carefully, it's okay. I got involved with a woman when I was separated and our relationship lasted 4 and a half years.
It depends on the separation agreement and the state you are in. In some states its still a felony although rarely enforced. Talk to your attorney. On the emotional side, to many to list but are there young children? If this person is separated and going to have a nasty divorce? You could end up with a summons to court if the other side finds out. Without particulars its hard to say
In my backwards state we cannot divorce until joint property is resolved, and we have no resolution for this house.
So I've been totally separated for 6 years, and have encountered more than a couple women who feel that married is married, period. And others who aren't so rigid.
I think once you know someone a little, you can probably tell if they're lying about it.
Depends on length of time and reason. My divorce was final within 9 months of me asking for it. In New Jersey US that’s possible, but some states have a waiting period. I wouldn’t be interested in someone who was dragging out the process, but if the separation and waiting period is mandatory...
General advice?
To avoid the most trouble, there should probably be communication. Let the separated spouse know of your intentions upfront rather than keeping it secret.
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