Hello, I am a Dom who engages in primarily BDSM relationships. I would like to open a discussion on the stigma associated with the life which seems to imply that BDSM relationships are all about sex and not romantic or intimate. In my experience BDSM relationship between 2 people who are truly involved in the life are the most intimate relationships you can have. The level of trust involved necessitates this.
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It’s silly that a label makes the difference between “acceptable” and “taboo.” For some people, a spanking during sex is arousing and ordinary; for others, it’s part of a kinky scene. Same activity, different perspective. Two couples might have definite ideas about which partner initiates sex and which is more assertive during sex. For Couple A, it’s just how they do it; for Couple B, it’s a BDSM power play scene. Same activity, different perspective. Kink and BDSM get a bad rap because people have preconceived notions that it all involves black leather, ball gags and whips. Some people in the community get into that stuff, some don’t. My philosophy is that as long as all participants in any type of sexual activity are mentally, legally, and developmentally competent to consent enthusiastically, they can do whatever they want without my judgment.
UUNJ
Level 8
Nov 12, 2019
4
Does that explain the popularity of the billionaire stalker trilogy 50 SHADES ? BRIBING a college girl to be a sex slave and whipped is not my idea of entertainment romance nor something I would recommend for my adult daughters to watch...
UUNJ:
@GreenAtheist 50 Shades was horribly written both on the literature and sexual consent sides. The author clearly had zero knowledge of how consent works.
@UUNJ did Patty Hearst "consent" to her becoming a bank robber ?
UUNJ:
@GreenAtheist Well, that’s a non sequitur. My understanding is that she was a victim of Stockholm Syndrome, whereby one gradually empathizes with one’s captors. That has nothing to do with BDSM or kink.
@UUNJ I have listened to and seen the faces of too many battered women who said they for a time enjoyed submission to their battering spouses....and too many women verbally abused and stalked by tampon terrorists at abortion clinics....many women were eager to kill the future children of abusive dominating males.....and the joy many reported feeling free from old habits of yielding to sexual demands
UUNJ:
@GreenAtheist This makes no sense to me, conflating consensual power play with abuse and abortion. You may have witnessed those things but those experiences are far from consensual play.
I think we have all experienced some sort of S&M though out our lives without being aware of it. The pleasure does not always manifests sexually....... It is a very complex subject that most people are afraid to talk about, but are part of us human beings....
magnoliarosada
Level 4
Nov 12, 2019
1
very well stated!
So many misconceptions about bdsm,,what most people see in pics or read is a harder core,,you can have loving structured bdsm relationships that do not involve pain at all ,Or highly erotic senual play ,Most peoples fantasys run wild ,but reality is reality and every one is responsible for themselves and each other It is up to each individual ,but you do have to have trust and respect for each other ,one persons kink is another person norm,
RoyMillar
Level 9
Nov 12, 2019
2
yes it would have,,bdsm has a stigma like everything else if one is not versed in it ,once you receive an education into the culture,one sees it for what it is and how you are allowed to define your self
Read a case sometime back , about a couple who lived in different states , but arranged to meet , when one had a trip planned , and they agreed to some BDSMB , and wrote a note saying that it was planned and consenual . He accidentually killed her , but had the note to prove that it was consensual .
Cast1es
Level 9
Nov 12, 2019
0
UUNJ:
That just means he was a sly murderer, not that he was in the kink community.
Wow, there are a lot of misconceptions here as to what BD/SM is and about who/ what kind of people like it.
For one, the dominate might be the top, but it is truly the submissive who set the boundaries of the play. some subs like pain others do not, some like bondage some do not, some like to be sex slaves and be forced to push the boundaries, but this has been set by them. I could go on and on about this. Just because one might like this or like giving this to their partner does mean there is something wrong with them or they are disrespectful, un-empathic. I would agree with the post that the trust and intimacy to open up about what one truly wants, makes for a much closer relationship than the average vanilla sex couple.
Let me explain a little( over simple) but you will get the idea as to the pain and why so many enjoy it. It starts with how our brain works, the receptors receive either pain or pleasure signals and has a hard time telling them apart. It is a mater of building on each one. You start out with little stimulating pain, and switch to little pleasure, you than build on both, till the brain cannot tell the difference. In no time everything becomes pleasure, not pain and when you build like this, the nerves become so sensitive and one's pleasure build and builds way above what would of been your climax limit. The longer you go, the higher your level of pleasure, when you do reach climax it will be many more time intense.
Mermaidfantasy
Level 7
Nov 12, 2019
4
UUNJ:
That explains the endorphins released during that tattoo process, also.
You might want to check out the"Kinky Lifestyle" group.
RonWilliam53
Level 7
Nov 12, 2019
2
There’s a Taboo Island group and also the Sexual Deviants group. I don’t believe the Kinky Lifestyle group is as active. Both would be appropriate for this type of question.
I think it's dangerous. Some people need to live on the edge, but not me. Moreover, a person who likes to inflict pain must have low empathy, IMO, which makes a bad sex partner for me.
EdEarl
Level 8
Nov 12, 2019
0
Subs enjoy the feeling of being controlled and for many, various levels of pain. I dabbled in BDSM and had partners who wanted no more than loosely being bound by silk scarves up to one who needed to be beat with a paddle. To the point I got tired out doing it. Then she was hyper-excited. I've known subs who enjoy the freedom of being "forced" to do things they pretend not to want to do.
@RonWilliam53 No doubt, but those people aren't my cup of tea. Neither dom nor sub is what I want.
@EdEarl Just saying it doesn't need to be considered"dangerous". The main tenet is "safe, sane and consensual".
That’s fine that it isn’t for you. It’s good to know what you like and you won’t accept.
However it’s sounds like you’re judging people who do enjoy it. Just because you don’t understand it, doesn’t mean it’s dangerous or people have low empathy.
@Marcie1974 You can do what you want. I have reasons for avoiding BDSM.
@RonWilliam53 yes exactly....too much judgment going around
@Marcie1974 "Your kink may not be my kink,but that doesn't mean your kink is wrong."As long as it's two (or more)consenting adults, enjoy! Or as the cool kids say, "Follow your bliss."
@RonWilliam53 I like the “or more” caveat
@Marcie1974 said , "yes exactly....too much judgment going around." You my as well say that there is too much air on Earth. Everyone makes judgements continuously all day long, whether it is where to step next, what color shoes to wear, what to tell your boss, or who you will vote for. You didn't like my message and wanted to criticize me because you felt my message was critical of your lifestyle. Perhaps I was, but I was not criticizing you specifically.
A friend was injured during BDSM by a dom who didn't stop on command.
Pain training is 100% aversive....it is repulsive to me to spank a woman tie a woman gag a woman or worse....
GreenAtheist
Level 8
Nov 12, 2019
0
Consenting adults does not make pain ok inflicted by females or by males though it may be legal....so is religion legal to terrorize all ages and genders
MizJ:
BDSM and abuse are opposites. This is not easy to understand for those not involved and contributes to the stigma that the post refers to. The key is consent and agreement. All parties set limits and discuss the activities in advance. Play can be stopped by participants at any time.
@MizJ Yer I do not know how that line gets confused,,
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