Anyone out there still believe in love?
I'm not so sure anymore. It seems more like me doing the loving. When all one does is give, and not receive back, is that truly love?
I just don't know anymore.
It's hard to love someone that doesn't reciprocate. It may work at first but eventually one just feels used. For your question, absolutely, if it is between two who care for one another. That often takes time and a degree of commonalities. If one has experienced it one will believe!!
Ah yes used. I'm familiar with that one all too well. I believe it has jaded me.
@JustLuAnn In what way may I ask?
@JackPedigo I felt used only for sex. Other than that I was of zero value. Read my ghosting post. He was the one who created me, and left me discarded and spent. And hence, jaded.
@JustLuAnn Sorry to hear that. I know how it feels to feel one has been used. Since joining this site I learned a lot about my last relationship especially what she went through with her last marriage. We did talk about everything but some things lacked depth and putting 2 + 2 together I saw a deeper picture. Being used sexually was one of those things she did not talk about but hers was a culture (Iranian) where this is normal and common. BTW she also lived in Texas (Dallas). This is where I am from and my family still lives there.
I missed the sapiosexual group and have since joined it. This is a must for me and another woman. I made a reply that gives my take on this issue.
I believe love can go one way but intimacy requires equal caring and vulnerability from both people. If you repeatedly feel love for people who don’t love you back, you may be simply lonely (which most of us are at times). You can cure that by making friends and getting out to have fun. Once you have a social life, you will be more able to distinguish friends from lovers.
There are different kinds of feelings that are described as love, but I think each of these should normally involve some sort of giving to the object of the love, even if what is being given is just attention and caring. Love should at the least include empathy and concern for the other's welfare and happiness and therefore some effort to enhance those aspects of their life, within the limits of what is possible. Sometimes it can be just emotional commitment and support, but without that, no, hard to call it love.
Excellently put
I'm not too cynical about these things, but "love" tends to be nebulous. It's less a single emotion than the result of a collection of feelings and actions and habits, and it's dynamic and changes over time. Sexual attraction and lust are usually what bring people together for romantic relationships, whether acted on initially or not, but that isn't enough to keep a relationship going; if we were better at partnering, we'd focus on the long-term companionship and personality compatibility, and from there develop those more lustful feelings — but that's not how biology works. I'm not making any judgements on what anyone does, but for me I think it has been helpful to hold off on physical intimacy until an emotional connection has been established. When I find myself thinking about her in nonsexual ways, wondering what she's up to or what's on her mind, I think that's an indication that I care for her in a way that goes beyond the mere physical, that we share a connection that's predicated on the long-term experiences we've shared together. We feel close to one another, allow ourselves to be vulnerable, do selfless things for one another — and, yes, share physical pleasures. Is that love? Maybe. Does it matter what I call it? Not really.
Looking for love in matured years comes from the Cinderella Syndrome developed in childhood from fairy tales. The syndrome is real but love is rare if it exisits. If it was real love... Not liking, passion, feeling good, gratitude etc..... couples would continue on relationships for decades. Their love is quick but is also short in most, yes most cases. Just look around. Enduring love is not common. I do not call it love. We are confusing love with many other emotions. Watching a movie on a sofa with a woman's head leaning on man' shoulder is not love. That is feeling good, liking company.
Our ideas of love come from our growing up on fairy tales. Not from experience. If it was from experience, observations from real life, you would be pragmatic and look for a good relationship. It is transactional.
Intimacy is physical. Trust, patience, respect are separate emotions. That is why those have separate words in the dictionary. Don't call anything you want intimacy. You can say.. I need these emotions to be intimate.
I have learned that most unhappiness, disappointments in life come from incorrect expectations.
Go ahead, attack me.
Don't look at me.
I am the coldest, heartless man you will ever find. I have contracted Pragmatism.
Thanks for the warning!
I hope it doesn't develop into expanded pragmatism. Contracted pragmatism is at least manageable with proper diet and exercise.
I believe there is love, however it is defined. Not convinced romantic love is in the cards for me anymore.
I believe that love is a real thing, but my last experience with it was catastrophic. In the future I'm going to call it attachment and hope I can control it. If it was ever mutual that would be better, but I'm not optimistic.
"Attachment" is a good description for my last relationship. Still something we can't control really, I don't think, and not always healthy or good for us, but comfortable. I guess if it was healthy and good, it would be love. Hmm... that's a good way to reference my experience.
I definitely believe in love.. I'm in love now with my man and it's mutual.. Depends on who you love... You have to find the right person...
Love involves 2 people who both want to be there. Otherwise you are wasting your precious time!
I still believe in love, and a good heart and a great attitude. Hopefully I will find someone that appreciates those things.
Hi JustLuAnn, for most of my life I was a giver. It's how I was raised and also what I absorbed from culture. However, it's not balanced or healthy. Ultimately it leads to your exhaustion and loneliness. I'll be the first to admit that it's hard to learn to receive: compliments, gifts, promotions, affection, sexual preferences. Start small: accept compliments: with a smile, eye contact and a genuine thank you. You'll feel better, begin to expect healthy give and take, and the person doing the giving will enjoy it to. That's when true bonding takes place. I am still working on maintaining boundaries, but I'm getting there. Today I'm going to be courageous and talk to my boss about some scheduling BS (work til 9pm, come back in at 7am). I'm only in training - not like I'm needed for an emergency. By the way, I like your honesty. Kate
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