@1EarthLovingGal glad you're feeling better and I'm sorry to hear about your ex. As a few others have said, perhaps a bit of work on yourself and if therapists cost too much, time with girlfriends and light exercise will go a long way to help.

@1EarthLovingGal you don't need to get comfortable with hook up culture.. Just be you..

@1EarthLovingGal 8 months would be an eternity for me at 58! Look at your needs,, express your needs confidently, and don't settle for men who don't/won't meet your needs.

@Cutiebeauty Exactly. I never got comfy with hookup culture. It may be a bit trickier to find others out there not interested in just hooking up, but they are out there and worth the effort/wait.

@demifeministgal I'm not into hooking up either.. I waited patiently for the right man for me and it was definitely worth it

@1EarthLovingGal four years? But you're only 22.. I've waited and actively searched since I was in my early 20's and just found someone in 2018 when I was 28.. And I met him in Manhattan when I lived in Ferndale NY... An hour and a half drive . Maybe you need to move?

@1EarthLovingGal Take a lesson from someone who has been there. Sex with a lover is waaaay better than sex with a stranger. If you're horny, masturbate. If you need touch, you need a friend not a fling.

@1EarthLovingGal Yes, it's very hard to find someone who is a positive in your life, is both reliable and exciting, and with great chemistry. I'm not there now/anymore; IMO the best path is to stop looking. Go out and do things you enjoy and meet new people without any expectation of how the friendship will evolve. Maybe you'll be acquaintances, maybe great friends, maybe - just maybe - you'll find someone worthy of being your lover.

@1EarthLovingGal Sex was easier to find when I was drinking/drunk too. I quit drinking years ago and my sex life disappeared at the same time. When sober, I'm acutely sensitive to rejection and humiliation.

@1EarthLovingGal I'm a long time user of Meetup; it's free and it's mostly not a dating site. There are groups for many activities - from just social to dance to book clubs to hiking to topic-specific discussions to health & fitness. Usually I join groups that are in my own areas of interest, but sometimes I join groups to try something completely new - painting or salsa, for example. Put yourself into circulation while you enjoy your leisure time. The worst that happens is you have fun. Don't loose sight of the fact that you are am amazing wonderful person regardless of your relationship status. Love yourself first. Love yourself always.

@BitFlipper Sorry to hear that you had such a bond between drinking and sex. I'm hesitant to offer my advice since it's not clear you're asking for help or just sharing your own experience. Pls ignore if inappropriate: I was in your place, except without the drinking; I was immobilized by fears of rejection; I suspect I'm so comfortable being a recluse now since I spent so much time by myself years ago. What happened to change my perception? I fell in love. With myself. I looked at who I was and my personality. I realized that I'm a good person <list wonderful adjectives here!>. I'm not perfect because I'm also <insert list of dubious qualities> but that's who I am. I learned to accept myself, "flaws" and all, and come to treat flaws as "features". For example, I usually run late to appointments. So when I'm getting to know someone new, I let them know (with a smile & chuckle) that I'll probably be late sometimes but I'm working on it!

Rather than being sensitive to rejection, can you turn it around to feeling sorry for someone who doesn't recognize how great you are? Can you learn to evaluate rejection as a learning opportunity? (You can even shock the pants off your rejecter by saying "thank you for your honesty".) I might add, accepting yourself completely and loving who you are becomes the foundation of self-confidence. And that is really sexy. It's a big change of mind and takes practice; I believe you can do it. Best of luck!

@1EarthLovingGal @BitFlipper Meetup is free to be a user; it only costs if you want to create your own group and be the admin. And virtually every event I've attending is also free; I'm also on a tight budget. For example, just had a great book club discussion on Handmaid's Tale; got the book from the library, met at a cafe and had a diet pepsi. Made a couple new friends.

@David_ver_3 I really do appreciate your feedback. Because you've taken the time to contribute I want to clarify a bit.

1. I discovered that alcohol was an effective treatment for the crushing anxiety I've always experienced. It worked pretty well for that one thing, but the side effects became unmanageable. So I'm left with the anxiety.
2. I'm afraid of rejection, but with good reason. I've been dehumanized by rejection. You could say that my skin has become thin because so many layers have been stripped away. I have a real fear that more rejection might put me over the edge.
3. I have been seeing a counselor weekly for several years and I've been trying to learn to appreciate, accept, or like myself in a world that has never accepted me.

Your idea of turning rejection around and making sympathy out of it seems inviting, but is also smacks of narcissism with a little psychosis. Nobody ever tells me why she's rejecting me anyway.

I do like what you say about "accepting yourself completely and loving who you are", but it's hard to imagine activities or behaviors to reach that state. It's tantalizing to imagine that thinking differently about myself could actually make me attractive. (I've always wished to become attractive).

@1EarthLovingGal It's hard to imagine you being rejected - you're beautiful. But I suppose if men only appreciate your beauty and nothing else, that could suck. Women sometimes appreciate my mind, but never want me to hold them in my arms.

It's wonderful that you're able to respect yourself more than those around you do. I've always been convinced that it's what other people think that counts.

@1EarthLovingGal If you are in school, many offer free counselling to students. IT would be worth it to try counselling to resolve any issues you may have developed due to exes, what you saw growing up or the death of your ex. Good luck

@1EarthLovingGal might I suggest you be more firm with her and talk about them. I know that I directed my counselling sessions on my own. And if I wanted to talk about something I did and if I was not ready to talk about something, I would not. I figured, if there is one thing I would have control in my life over, it would be MY counselling/therapy sessions.

@1EarthLovingGal I've read and heard of emdr. I wonder if it will work. It's supposed to be very heavy and tiring-- obviously. But for those that it has worked for, it was worth it for the long run. Let us know how it goes? Alot of us may benefit from your knowledge and information.

@1EarthLovingGal oh baby, embrace your sexuality. You're a grown woman and can make choices for yourself now. You're a beautiful woman and being sexually empowered is a positive thing.

@1EarthLovingGal There will be time to find people you like with whom to explore your desires. The only thing I can suggest is to get to know people well before becoming intimate so you feel more confident you won't be used. But I realize that can be easier said than done.

@1EarthLovingGal What will change as you get older is the comfort you have with yourself.

Times have changed,consent is a must and actually will get you further in the long run,when a woman knows your word id good and that you respect /honour her requests with out questioning the Why