I’m curious about whether and how people set age parameters for potential romantic partners. Do age differences matter to you, and if so, why?
Haha! Guys on here like "I want a much younger woman,its biologically dictated!" Blech
NO, speaking for myself, no it definitely is not.
@SACatWalker ah but you don't hear women on here stating those as their requirements.
@SACatWalker Nah. I pass by guys on dating sites who only brag about their fitness.
I prefer younger men.
Why: Spend all most all of my time with younger people. I very much have allowed myself to change and the generations have come before me. And I like 35 year old men.
I just set mine to the max and min, and let the chips fall where they may.
I did the same.
I prefer younger men. I can't help it, I'm not attracted to men my own age.
I realised after a while I don't have to justify my preference, because men have been dating and marrying younger women for centuries.
The algorithms on this site ignore any age preferences set. Ideally algorithms should match people by their chosen age preferences first rather than matching automatically by similar age.
I've always gravitated toward older women, because they are generally more interesting, and intelligent, not to mention, more inclined to be real... But here I am, in middle age, desiring younger women- probably because they're more sexual.
Why do you consider younger women more sexual?
@UUNJ this is just an assumption based on my experience with an older wife.
@StylisticIdiot You desire younger women because every heterosexual man in some way desires younger women. They're not necessarily more sexual, but they're guaranteed more fruitful, and your instinct is keenly aware of that fact. Let us be honest about our sexual attractions, yanno?
@Shawno1972 Meh. I think the "we are our genes" perspective is wildly overplayed. It's obvious to me that cultural and environmental factors condition and program us to a high degree. Consider the fact that younger women are constantly held up as sexual objects in both mainstream and pornographic films. Also consider that features more typically associated with youth are also constantly pushed by media and advertisers: slim figures, wrinkle-free skin, buoyant body parts, etc. I note that other cultures' standards of beauty vary from ours, such as traditional Polynesian culture, which values figures we would consider obese.
I take it as evidence that @StylisticIdiot chose the phrase "more sexual"; to me this indicates that men are programmed to associate younger women with sex and sexuality more than older women.
When was the last time you saw a female romantic lead who was not a young woman?
@ejbman Sure, sex sells. But is life imitating art, or art imitating life? What constitutes "beauty" may vary by culture but what constitutes "youthful" is pretty similar across the board. Those Polynesians liked to marry their girls off young, you know. You are biologically programmed to lust after youthful, beautiful women, at least to some degree. That's why the ads work, distorted as they may be. That's not to say you can't be attracted to older women simultaneously. I like 'em all shapes, sizes, colors...and ages, within reason.
@Shawno1972 I don't doubt there is some component of biological imperative in the likelihood of beauty standards to include youthfulness. However, I also think culture has a way of exaggerating and reinforcing the lowest common denominator. I wonder what would happen if our society had chosen to intentionally portray older women (and men) with the same degree of frequency and intensity in romantic and sexual roles. Don't you think the tendency of a person to be attracted to older mates would dramatically increase?
@ejbman Probably. But why don't they? Why haven't they? Why instead is youth and beauty used in movies and TV to titillate us? I'm not convinced it's all that exaggerated, or that it strays very far from what we truly desire deep down. Experience doesn't always teach us positive, enjoyable things - sometimes it bludgeons us with sad realities that we strive then to avoid or resist, which then may turn into socially accepted cultural faux pas, aka the lies we tell ourselves. We may seek connections with older, more experienced souls, but we still desire to bang the hot 21 year old model. It's extremely predictable and cross-cultural.
A lot of older women find young bodies hot as well, but that doesn’t automatically translate to those people being good lovers. Research shows that older adults generally find sex more satisfying than when they were younger. That’s due in part to experience, to greater body acceptance, to knowing what brings them pleasure and how to communicate that, and to being more focused on sensuality than orgasm.
On the non-sexual side, I set an upper age limit for dating because I want a partner whose health, energy level, and future plans are compatible with mine. I love my career and found it frustrating to date a retiree who wanted more companionship than I could provide. That frustration became mutual after a while, and we broke up.
@SACatWalker Are you wrong? Not according to your life experiences. But it’s rarely helpful to generalize. There are plenty of “lusty” women over 50 who are searching for partners who can match their libido and zest for life.
@SACatWalker I'm not sure I can give Madison Avenue enough credit. You list all of these qualities: tighter, plumper, fat-free (wait, how are they plumper and fat-free at the same time? anyway...), smoother, clear complexion, etc., etc. Well, these are precisely the "features and benefits" of the "product" which Madison Avenue is trying to sell! The fact that such qualities exist in only a short portion of a person's lifespan only helps to create and maintain the insecurities which drive people to the store to purchase products and services which are supposed to maintain these qualities (but generally don't). So following the money, it helps to (over)sell youth.
@SACatWalker - preferring younger women isn't a crime, nor something you should bother to justify. It's not something that any man is likely to look down upon. Frankly that's proof enough that it's normal and healthy. I can sense a little bit of bitterness in your words, though. Hopefully you're not still harboring any pain from the past. Reinvent yourself?
@SACatWalker Speaking of being disappointed in members of this site: are you aware of the differences between anecdote and evidence? Mainly I'm getting a lot of bitter disappointment about what you have not received, and a lot of generalizations based upon a data point of one perspective. As far as what you have not received, do you feel entitled to date women you perceive as hot and young? You did mention an expectation that it is "your turn" now that you are older. Is there a system in which people are guaranteed access to those whom they find attractive? Is that something a person can expect? If so, I've been going about things wrong my whole life. Instead, I've just been grateful for the attention I've gotten from people whose attitude and interests I share, and if there also happens to be mutual attraction, then wahoo! that's even better. If there is a system where people can expect attention and affection despite being bitter and entitled, then I guess I should know about it. However, I wonder if I might also be obliged to date someone who is bitter and entitled and unattractive to me? Is it only guys who get to demand that, or women also?
Okay, look... Women who are many years post- menopausal begin to have thinning tissues where sex is involved, begin to have pain, and even bleeding as a result of sex, and tend to not like sex anymore. In fact, they might just close that door altogether... That's what I'm talking about. They can certainly still be sexy, and lovely; but when they lose interest in sex, they become sort of "unsexual".
When your wife is into her 60's, and you're a man who hasn't reached 50, and years have passed since your last sexual encounter, I can say from experience that, if you were into older women, you might just switch a little...
I've always been interested most in older women... Married one 13 years my senior- and she's gorgeous... She's lovely, and shapely, and I'm still very attracted to her. But, sex is a thing long gone, for understandable reasons...
I love and adore my wife... But often, I wish that she were younger. And yeah... I find myself craving younger... Am I a monster for this? Am I immoral now?
I'm well aware of all the biological cues, well versed in evolutionary biology... I'm a super-nerd where that's concerned. But, I'm still a sexual being, no children, no desire for children, just finding myself unfulfilled lately.
I answered this thread on a whim; and it's resulted in a long, convoluted discussion, that lends to much misunderstanding... All women are beautiful, and strong, and desireable... Make no mistake! But the mood of my remark was simply a selfish way of protesting that I married an older woman, and now sex is a distant memory.
She's a Baptist, too... Still, she's a great woman, and we make a good team, as an atheist/theist marriage; but, goddang! I'm noticing that my mouth waters for younger ones now.
What does that make me?? Judge me, go ahead.
@StylisticIdiot Sooo. My professional specialty as an educator is sex and aging, and while hormonal changes can take a toll on tissues and comfort, those can nearly always be addressed medically. Desire is in our brains. When sex hurts or is boring or unsatisfying or one partner feels undesired by the other, sexual desire flies out the window. Research shows that people who have satisfying sex prior to menopause and and andropause (when testosterone decreases) also report satisfying sex after. They enjoy sex enough to adapt to age-related changes.
@UUNJ there it is... A professional judgement. I guess it's all on me. Thanks for the enlightenment.
@StylisticIdiot I didn’t say that. There can be all sorts of reasons for low desire.You mentioned her faith—maybe she believes sex ever or after a certain age is inappropriate. That wouldn’t be your fault. And takes two to tango, as they say. I was just pointing out that age, in and of itself, is unlikely to be the issue.
Of course they matter. There is a power balance,generally rooted in age and wealth. There is also the difficulty of truly connecting with someone of a different generation and completely different set of experiences. Lack of balance and inability to connect are BIG relationship killers IMO.
That’s a great point. It’s easier to relate to someone who experienced similar generational events.
I’m not strict about it but it generally sorts out that the people I’m interested in fall into roughly Five years either side of me. Boringly common but demonstrably true.
Considering that I am 74 and I've outlived so many people already, my choices now are mostly younger women. However, I've always preferred an older woman with silver or white hair. Always, even when I was in my twenties I had a "girlfriend" in her fifties because she was so much more sophisticated and worldly, she didn't chew gum with her mouth open and worship rock idols. We could relate at levels equally about things that I enjoyed too. Some much younger women were attracted to me but I turned them down because they seemed so shallow in their attitudes toward men, sex, art and many other things.
Age gaps are unimportant to me so long as I mesh with the person in other important ways. I am 39 and my husband is 53. We have been together for over 18 years. We mesh well intellectually, socially, sexually, and in so many other ways. We have similar morals and values. We have compatible life and family goals. We are different in enough ways that we enrich each other. I enjoy reading, gardening, and cooking. He does not enjoy any of those things but is supportive of my desire to spend time, attention, and money on these hobbies. We work well together, no matter what the project. We can openly and honestly be our true, unabridged selves with each other and this is very important to me in any personal relationship.
Being as simplistic as I may...At 85 there are so few options available for dating, for living together, or sexual companionship....you have to either dry up, kill your desires, or go outside the comfort zone...if it's 20 or 30 years younger, if both of you are in agreement, it's fine...Mrs. Robinson has her place in life, as does a Mr. Robinson.
There are members of both sexes, who may have "daddy, or mommy," issues where dating can provide them a safe place in life...even dating within a matter of hours in age, differences in being raised, cause conflict...I have always just gone for it and shared time with absolutely amazing people, some as much as 40 years older and 30 years young, it's people folks, not calendars...........
My rule of thumb is that if someone is dating or married to someone young enough to be their child, it is a bit creepy.
I don't doubt that their are legitimate and strong relationships built on the so called "May to December" age gap, but I cannot see what they can possibly have in common.
Years ago I dated a woman eight years younger than me and it was not a pleasant experience, though we liked one another, she understood none of my terms of reference, nor I hers, our tastes in films, music, culture were vastly different and so were our expectations of one another.
I can only imagine a 16+ age difference would be so much worse.
I think it really depends on the people, their maturity, and attitude. Was married to a man 10 years my senior for nearly 30 years. Now most I'm interested in and date are younger, not because I specifically am interested in that age but because their level of maturity and my level of youthfulness meet somewhere in the middle. That's not to say I'm not interested in men nearer my age. It's all about the connection, interests, and chemistry, age isn't that important.
@BeeHappy quite right, in the end it is the two people (or more) participating in the relationship and their person levels of compatibility. I was only commenting on a personal level of preference and comfort.
@LenHazell53 gotcha!
First - I'm 72 and retired -- It would be creepy to date a woman younger than my daughter! Younger may look better, but it's hard to match activity levels - and if she's working and I'm retired, there's tension that's not needed. So - let's say 5 to 7 years younger and the limiting upside isn't there, but say 5-7 years.
Your age, retirement situation, health etc. may set your limits more than an absolute dicta.
What a great question. I am 73 years old and proud of it! I would love to meet a man my age or a few years older for companionship and maybe more. Women friends are welcome at any age. When I date a younger man I just feel weird. As we get older we may get sick and that is something to consider also in someone and ourselves. Some couples do really well with age gaps.
I over look younger ladies as I feel like I could never connect with them mentally. I like my partner because she is roughly my own age and we share many life experiences and have a lot in common. I couldn't go too much older either as I would feel intellectually inadequate. I guess I am past the sake of fucking for fucking and always looking for more. I never did understand the huge age gap attraction and just think of it as father or mother compensation. eww...
@SACatWalker
Mickey Rooney was married to 8 women taller than he. Dudley Moore was married to Susan Anton. John Stamos was married to Rebecca Romjin Stamos. Pamela Anderson dated David Spade, Fred Durst, Scot Baio, all shorter than her. I am 5'0' & dated a shorter man. That is not the issue.
To a point yes. Funny, all my long term relationships were the same age (7 years my junior). My dad was 12 years older than my mom and my late partner's first husband likewise 12 years. My daughter is 43 and anything in that decade is a big turn off. It is a hard question because I have seen women in their late 50's or early 60's that looked a lot older and women who were in their late 60's who looked a lot younger. To me it is about maturity and health above all. Many questions are complex ones looking for simple answers.
Maturity and health, to be sure. I don’t expect perfect health, but it’s only fair to share known problems that are serious, especially with a big age difference.
@UUNJ Definitely. I have a very close friend whose husband has had Parkinson's for 2 decades and is in the later stages. Her life has been very difficult and there have been financial concerns about a possible nursing home (he fell several days ago and ruptured his bowel which is serious. He is now in the hospital and may not live which, everyone agrees, would be a positive thing (he has not wanted to live for the past 3 years). Health and health maintenance are critical and I don't take this lightly. One cannot avoid the unforeseeable which is one reason I have become so active with the Death with Dignity program and even looked into final exit programs. I will make every effort to not put the burden of what my friend has had to deal with on another person.
One thing about a relationship is that "everything" must be discussed including health and death issues.
I'm 34 and would prefer someone 30+ but under 45. Close to my age. Having grown up in the same decades, experiencing many of the same events at the same times in our lives. Similar childhood memories, even if we had vastly different upbringings. I feel like there's a lot of common ground.
I'd of said yes and some may take this in a way not intended. I'm 47 years old and while I do have a cut off point still. There was a time when it was higher age wise. Then last year I was approached by the most beautiful redhead I'd ever had the pleasure of meeting. (I adore redheads). Anyhow she turned out to be 26 and I was very leery, but a friend said I had nothing to lose so we started seeing each other. Honestly she was one of the most mature women I'd ever dated. (Shes from the Netherlands but was in California for school). We ended up splitting for reasons I won't mention here, but it was in her best interest. Anyhow she's recently started teaching out to me again and I have to admit that if the opportunity presents itself I'd join up with her again faster than one can blink. I know I'll never meet another quite like her ever again!
This is a most interesting topic for discussion, and I don't know if I have any answers that will mesh with any or all of others of you in the audience. Basically, I believe it depends a lot on physical age, mental age, emotional age, past experiences, present experiences, brainwashing, commercial marketing, past activities, activities we presently enjoy doing, people we've met along the way, almost an infinitesimal number of factors. It may even be that the more "complex" a person is - the more varied the persons that he or she may be attracted to. On the other hand, some may be swayed more by plain old physical, mental, emotional and spiritual factors. As for me, I find myself attracted to many women (the opposite sex) for so many reasons and because of so many different activities of mine I am an activist - for the environment and for Hawaiian culture and independence.
And I'm some kind of imposter. I am older than the age that I claim to be. My physical health, the activities I participate in, my mental state of mind, the people I run into in my principal activities, all result in impacts on me of the ladies I enjoy hanging around with, and those that I fall in love with - both altruistically and/or emotionally, and including so many other factors, values and beliefs.
In retrospect, I am affected by stuff that happened in the big war - World War II. Having been forced to survive blackouts, shortages of food, other commodities, personal freedom, etc., have all affected me. Attending a male-only, military primary school also made a difference. So has the discovery of my history (emotional as well as political) - and of others who may be in similar situations. These all have had an affect on some/many of my relationships. The range of female ages that I am exposed to in my everyday life go from the 20s to the 70s - in so many different combinations of values, backgrounds (including age and education), races, domestic situations, even patriotism, their personal relationships, their attributes, their wants and needs. It's mind boggling.
Romantically - I prefer mid-60s women - on the average, young enough to be physically active (to my liking), and old enough to be mentally and emotionally stable and enjoyable. However, in this activity, many of the contributions to discussions are carried out by women in their 50s, so even though they are younger than my preferred age range, I find them to be very interesting. What is a guy to do?
Physicality, emotionality, mentality are also important factors. As for me, as a camper, hiker, part time subsistence farmer, etc., I want and need "active" people in my life. It would be most difficult to be hiking the high mountains (above 10,000 feet), for instance, with a partner who is restricted to the use of crutches or cane. Or to spend hours in mental anguish, studying legal briefs, laws, rules and regulations, that seem to be a lot of what I like to do.
My being part Asian and part Pacific Islander (Hawaiian) adds another layer of complexity. Being financially trained (some time on Wall Street), scientifically trained (major in chemistry) and legally trained (JD) add yet other layers. The simple soup becomes a stew of interesting range and complexity.
For example (whether you agree with the principles in which I operate or not) - I recently experienced a great legal victory. It would be nice for a partner of mine, for instance, to appreciate all the time and effort that was expended in this one activity - and be able to share in the accomplishment. Others may feel that this all was plainly just a waste of time and effort. So, if you're interested - check out the following link - file:///Users/UncleKu/Downloads/getPart%20(1).pdf For explanation - i am Clarence Ching, many times referred to as Uncle Ku. And my handle - mkeaman - is short for Mauna Kea Man - Mauna Kea being my favorite mountain (13,796 feet). Maxine is one of my patriotic buddies (even though this suite is more environmental and cultural) - age 79.
So after the above introduction to the question (don't know if what I wrote makes sense or not), maybe the next question is even more mind-boggling.
What is love? It's truly not only sex for sure.
Reality dictates what one can get away with.
If "potential romantic partner" equates to who you want to have sex with then the younger the better from a male point of view. I married a woman five years older and another twelve years younger. The younger would have not married me if I had not had a college degree and been able to provide financial stability. I did not find this objectionable and would have respected her less had she not considered those factors.
If "potential romantic partner" equates to longterm commitment then the age gap must narrow to accommodate outside the bed. My experience, women my age tend to more inhibited therfore limiting enjoyment of life in general. Products of how society was during the time in which we grew up.
Setting my parameters we're based on this. Opening the door to a much younger women is not likely realistic but what the heck. Could be one or two out there tired of being used by the younger fuck boy. One or two looking for something more meaningful, consistent income and someone willing to work hard at making her feel she is special.
I don’t discriminate on age. If there are mutual interest and attraction then it makes no difference to me. Most women I’ve had relationships with have been younger than myself. I generally adhere to the Italian Method which is half your age plus seven. Recently had a relationship with a 31 year old. But would date someone older if they can keep up with my kinkiness.
For me it is a priority to meet someome within my age range. Someone much younger (20 years) turned into a disaster. After sex there wasn't much to share or talk about. I tried to explain how my day as a Deputy went, she wanted to tell me about her soap opera's as if they were real life. She liked Heavy Metal music I liked Classic rock. Her father was 3 years older than I was, her mom the same age. (awkward) She did give me my only child, a son who I adore. After 2 years she didn't like being a Mom, so she left. OK by me and I got to keep our son. I digress, Women my age can relate better. Granted they have also been hurt by a lot of bums out there so I do get prejudged. It's why I don't try and rush. Sometimes weeks of chat before a phone call another few weeks before a meet and greet. The Chemistry must be there, same with humor and wit. I need to see a twinkle in the eyes.
Posted by UnitySomeday my princess will appear before me. ❤️
Posted by AtheistPeace666Hello I'm a single Canuck looking for my special lady Canuck.
Posted by KhaCRYou ever feel like you found the perfect sexual partner then he turns out to be a complete 💩bag and you can’t find the satisfaction in other encounters?
Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.
Posted by EntheogenFanI have a story to tell.
Posted by KateOahuYes, I agree that the reverse is also true.
Posted by JolantaThis is what women have to put up with and then they want to be intimate while we are still angry because they will not do their share of housework.
Posted by JolantaDucky, Snookums....
Posted by SorchaThis is a guy I was talking to from okcupid. He is totally new to online dating and it shows.
Posted by JolantaThat’s Amore. Some women are just far too shallow.
Posted by JolantaSomething for real intimacy perhaps.
Posted by Green_Soldier71Has anyone here had any experience with (or known someone who has/had) a SEXLESS MARRIAGE/RELATIONSHIP or a FRIGID PARTNER?
Posted by EyesThatSmileNakedness.
Posted by LetzGetRealMy family has often commented how I should become a "cougar"... as I look pretty good at my age and have a younger mindset than some of my peers, I guess this is there rationale?
Posted by Ann-1980The 4 types of Intimacy to feel sufficient, satisfied & healing in a love relationship.
Posted by Philip21over the top thinking? [agnostic.com]