I've had something gnawing at me for a couple of days and I feel like I need advice or something. I've been seeing a gentleman for several weeks. Last weekend he said the following to me, although I'm paraphrasing I'm sure: “I know two things about you. First, you loved your husband very much. Second, you weren't very happy when you were married to him.” He's right and I already knew that (although I will say our final 3-4 years together were our happiest). I guess it bothers me that he picked up on it so quickly and I feel like I should be ashamed of myself.
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8 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Dont be ashamed of yourself.
I can relate to what you are talking about.
I am a widower.....loved my wife....married 44 years.....
I have been alone now for 4 years and have discovered many wonderful experiences with women that I met that I never experienced with
My wife.
This has caused me to question ....what I thought was an amazing relationship
I see certain deficiencies in the marriage that I wasn't aware of at the time.
We could talk more if you like.
Masondixonline
Level 6
Mar 27, 2019
0
Ashamed? ...for what?
IAmLove
Level 7
Mar 26, 2019
0
@ProudMerrie ...you are just fine....no reason to go back there. Let it go or it will take your energy for now and the future. Have a joyful life! You deserve it!
It is incredibly naive to think that a long term marriage or relationship will be 24/7 happy, happy, happy. It's like the tide - it comes and goes. You and your husband managed to enjoy the really happy parts together and work thru the parts that were not so happy. Kudos to you for having done that.....a lot of people bolt the minute the happy starts to wear thin. This new man is your life is either very perceptive and pays attention to what you say and do - or he has "been in your shoes" so to speak. Either way, it bodes well for you and there is absolutely no reason for you to feel ashamed. Hope the two of you find the contentment that you deserve at this stage of your life.... 
Lavergne
Level 8
Mar 26, 2019
1
I think you are lucky that you’ve found someone who has been paying enough attention to have picked up on this, You should not feel any guilt for what happened between you and your husband, and the fact that you weren’t very happy. There is nothing you can do to change the past, happy or unhappy. All you can do now is move forward in your new relationship, it seems that there are distinct possibilities that you may have found someone who could be very good for you ....forget the shame, absolutely no need to feel any, just embrace the new possibilities.
Marionville
Level 10
Mar 26, 2019
2
I see no reason to feel ashamed.
GeorgeRocheleau
Level 8
Mar 26, 2019
0
@ProudMerrie I'm sure this will pass, you are so lucky, enjoy it.
What you "should" be is grateful to be seeing such an insightful and caring gentleman. It is probably more a function of his intuitive powers and listening abilities than of how you conduct yourself.
Your relationship was what it was. Many, many people love spouses who don't fully reciprocate or who have personal problems that make the relationship fraught and disappointing. You should not blather that all over the place, but you should not conceal it from someone with whom you are, or are becoming, close.
It all sounds good to me.
mordant
Level 8
Mar 26, 2019
2
@ProudMerrie I am truly happy for you, this sounds like a promising relationship! Hope it works out!
And if you think you talk about him too much, you probably won't, at least long term.
Honesty is always the only (hence the best AND worst) policy in a relationship. It sounds like you were honest with him and he was listening. Hard to see any problem in this scenario. It also sounds like you and your ex had a healthy relationship with normal conflict and growth. One important advice I got from a very wise person was “if the two of you always agree then one of you is not necessary”. A relationship causes growth in both partners. Growth is sometimes painful, but is still good. Proud merrie Keep on burning, rolling on the river.
Detritus
Level 7
Mar 26, 2019
2
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