I dunno. My ex-gf and I never did any kind of anniversaries and only remembered each other's birthdays because we had reminders. We were together for ten years. Some folks don't put much stock in anniversaries except for maybe weddings.

I remember your story from months ago, but it seems like you deal with this all the time with her. Everyone saying it's not a big deal is either not remembering your story or hasn't heard it yet. There is a deep problem with your relationship.

Better question: Why do you think those things are important to you?

Never have remembered our anniversary. I don't do holidays. Usually unaware of my birthday. Hence, don't remember, or care to, others' birthdays.
Been married 34 years last week. Must be something more important about me for her to keep me around.

I am terrible with dates so bad that I put them in the contact details for my fiance. On that note knowing I am bad with dates I do note the dates that are important, his birthday, when he asked me out, when I asked him to marry me and anything else important. So I would say if something is truly important people can take simple steps to make sure the important things are remembered. I would talk to her about it and tell her how you feel if she truly loves you she will make the effort. So good luck HUGS

Seems like she puts more worth on sadness then on happiness.

I'd have a civil but direct talk and use "I" statements.

I think you've already drawn some conclusions though.

Gotta communicate about how you see it. You might consider asking her this question. Gutted places you here among friends.

Discuss it. It sounds like she comes ftom a place that does not celebrate adult birthdays, which is rather common. I never celebrated an engagement anniversary, an intent to commit at some point. I've celebrated the actual commitment if or when it happened.

If such things "gut you" and render an "entire relationship a farce", you might want to reconsider being in one, or at least this iteration of one.

Sounds like you need to cut your losses and move on. NOW.

Tell her things "aren't working out," then delete her from your social media and if someone asks about her, say, "It didn't work out," then get busy asking other people out on dates.

I would not read too much into it. Birthdays of adults are no big deal. Now for kids it's another story.

You may want to have her tested . Some of us do have memory problems , often remembering older things more clearly than more recent events . On the other hand , people don't always apply the same degree of significance to the same events .

Break a leg or something, maybe she will be better as a carer than a spouse.

That sucks and doesn't make you stupid. It;s something your partner has not been able to get over. I don;t think it means it's a farce necessarily but it needs to be discussed if it's bothering you.

Is this a new thing? Does she forget a lot of other stuff too? Some people, myself included, remember odd & useless things but can't remember special dates or even our own cell phone number. I think that's an important question, & if she is only "forgetting" your special days of course she's being hurtful.

My first reaction is FTS.
It's super important, IMO, when being in a relationship, if you care about the person you're with that is, to find out how they feel about special dates like BIRTHDAYS.

I'm really spoiled on this.
I know that must really burn, it would me. I'm so sorry.
What if something happens to you and she won't get a next time? That's my thoughtline with people's birthdays I care about. I DO NOT want someone I love(nor me!) to have the memory that I "forgot". If I did, would apologize and try to make up for the lapse, unlikely as that is.

True, some don't care about these things, their own, or anyone else's, but it's important to know and practice "platinum rule"(NOT golden) if you want to keep someone.

And it just goes to my saying "if someone, be they friend, lover, mother, repair service etc, is not doing the minimum to maintain that relationship/position then they may be asking to be "fired" or "demoted" from that position". Doesn't matter who it is. Maybe that's dark, but since I've come to this line of thinking have spared myself a ton of grief and drama.
Barring some health/physical circumstance there HAS to be reciprocity of some sort.

If your relationship is wonderful, I mean FANTASTIC everywhere else and there's a history of "forgetting" dates that are important to you idk, that sounds "baked in the cake".
If this is a new development... and there's continuity in this wonky behavior. Easier said than done I know but you've got to mind your well being.

Kind of odd for a care giver... nurturing demeaner should be the baseline I assume.

Sounds like the guy who died was just a friend and not a romantic interest. So I wouldn't worry about that. The death left an indelible mark on her as opposed to just the normal day-to-day things of remembering dates. That date must really stick out because of the pain associated with her friend dying. Maybe next year remind her before your birthday and anniversary. Then if she forgets you can be concerned.

I think actions speak louder than words. that is what I have found to be true.

I too find that weird, at best. Frankly, i would not be surprised to find they were much more than just friends....you need to have a serious talk with her....best wishes!

Have you tried the conversation that when you overlook my birthday our engagement then I feel (fill in the blank with how you feel or what you think). IE When you overlook my birthday and our anniversary but remember when someone died I feel like I don't matter that much to you. That conversation might change the direction of the relationship.

I normally don't put too much emphasis on someone remembering or forgetting particular dates, as a measure of real feelings. Some do though and I understand that.

Do you make a point of mentioning your birthday coming up, a few days in advance, and date of your engagement, with advance notice and hints to help her remember? The older we get, the more dates there are to try to remember. Try to be fair, if there was a long history of remembering the funeral date of that friend in her past... if your relationship is still somewhat new.

You might mention to her gently that you were hurt that she didn't remember that day was special for the two of you, and you wished she had celebrated the relationship in front of her first, and pay respects to her friend's grave on another date.

Regarding your birthday... Is she forgetful about some things? Maybe start a few days in advance and send yourself flowers or bake yourself a cake, so that you don't feel ignored on your birthday, and maybe she'll catch on and make more of a point to remember in the future?

If all else is good with you, consider the forgetting of your dates, yet remembering dates from her past, to be a silly quirk, something minor, and concentrate on what is good between you and your partnership.

I have learned to celebrate myself first, just in case nobody else does. I'm not going to depend on others to celebrate me - or an anniversary - I take it upon myself to celebrate if I choose to. (Been disappointed enough times that I realize it's up to me, not others, to make myself happy.)

Over time, your partner and you should be able to come to an understanding of what dates to celebrate, and what dates are okay to devote to other things, or share a date in a non-hurtful way. Hope this is just a little bump, with an opportunity for her to learn something about her actions and inactions, and how they affect you.