None of us will be remembered but for a few generations of our descendants, if that. Here today, gone tomorrow……

My sister died suddenly in Sept. 2019. The decision for any kind of arrangement was left to my nephew who still has yet to publish a death notice or plan any gathering. My mother-in-law died in January 2020. We were able to get her buried (natural burial, had to be done right away). We planned a memorial for the spring, but covid struck and it was canceled. My mother died from covid in the Spring of 2020. She had to be cremated (which I do not think she wanted). We did bury her ashes (with her parents, which is what she did want) but not until November 2021 after everyone in the family was vaxed and people from out of state could travel. My brother-in-law died the following week. He did had a memorial, outdoors in Spetember of 2020, but I did not attend due to covid fears. My husband's aunt died a few weeks ago. No death notice, no service. When I did not hear any news of arrangements I googled and found that she had a direct cremation with no announcement. Although I am an atheist and do not need a religious service, I do need closure for these deaths and unfortunately that has been tough to come by. There were a couple of other deaths in between the ones I mentioned and that fact, along with the constant threat of covid has got me thinking about my own mortality.

One of my best friends, my rock, got cancer when he was other side of the country for treatment for another medical issue and stayed to have the support of family for his treatment.
He wanted to come back to his "home" to die but it was just not possible, I tried to get down there but things happened that kept me here (my father was developing dementia) I keep on expecting to see him. I cannot remove his number from my phone as one day he might ring.
His funeral was just his ashes so while I managed to inhale some when we spread them (bugger that wind it blew him straight into my face) I can still not imagine that he is gone. I get what you are feeling, funerals are for the living it is a rite to accept the death and know it has happened. I saw him as a fit and healthy person and then as a box of ashes. We go to the beach where his ashes were spread on his birthday to remember him but it still seems unreal.

I'm so sorry for your loss. Although the pandemic has caused changes in some processes, I think it was rude that some type of announcement wasn't made so you would have heard about it in a more timely manner. It's an odd feeling to know you were living everyday life as though it was normal when she was already gone, so life was actually abnormal.

There are all types of ways to commemorate someone's death, and they don't need to include religious services and they don't have to include casket/body viewings and so forth. I've been to some wonderful events, and the thing they all had in common was the chance for people to share stories about the person who's died. Sometimes touching, sometimes funny, sometimes explanatory. It helps to process the loss. I hope you find a way to help you deal with the fact that she's gone other than the bitterness of how her family left things hanging.

Yes, this topic is difficult. My lifelong religious friend died close to a month ago and I keep wanting to call him up. We talked almost daily on the phone unless he got religious on me.

My plans for my own demise have changed in the last few years. I'm going to be cremated at a local funeral home. The plans are all laid out in advance. What my 2 daughters do with the ashes is up to them. I will have nothing to do with it because I will be dead. I do want them to make me an obit for the paper and little flyers can be passed out at the funeral home. No service at all. Just a gathering where a small number of others might talk about me and see pics on a board that my daughters make up. My ashes can be scattered or kept. That's up to the kids too.

My ex called me from Dallas last Saturday and we talked for 3 hours. She had legal concerns she needed info on. How to pursue them, etc. She could hardly believe my updates on just who all had died. What I am seeing is that the term "here today and gone tomorrow" is a reality.

A year ago September my mother died while I was sick with covid. Got to deal with all that from the hospital.. my sisters and I decided it would be foolish to try to have any kind of gathering with people scattered all over the country. Just one of those things.

My most sincerest of Condolences on your sad loss.

Sorry for your loss. Along this line though, pre-pandemic my brother passed away, but I was not even told he was sick and went into the hospital until after he was dead (a few weeks later) and that was that. I got a short email from his wife saying just that. He didn't have any last words for me, I don't know what he died of and I wasn't invited to the funeral. I have no idea what the literal fuck they were thinking, what their problem still is and they won't tell me. Real nice huh? Again, this was just before the pandemic - had nothing to do with Covid. That's all I know.

Condolences on the loss of your friend. I can imagine the pain you must feel in finding out about her death like you did.

So sorry. I can definitely relate. One of my best, lifelong friends died recently, and I didn't hear about it until a month later. There was no funeral. He and his entire family were atheists. They did, much later, have a remembrance gathering, but it was two states away, in the height of pandemic uncertainties, and I just didn't feel like I could go. There was just a big empty nothing where an entire, living, breathing, thinking, human being had been for 72 years.

Some people don’t want all the circus and some have a need for it.

Both of my parents died in the past two years. We had no services and it was a relief not having to stand in a receiving line as I have had to do with other family members. Explain to me how listening to platitudes and such makes the grieving process any easier? It absolutely doesn't, in fact being able to grieve privately may be easier for many people. My aunt was agnostic and we had a non-denominational pastor do her service. It would have been far more pleasant if a few of us had each spoken for a bit anf left the religion completely out of it. She would have hated it, the only good that came from it was spending time with my (far away) family.

I have willed my body to the teaching hospital and when I die, the hospital will be notified, will pick up my body and it will become their property. There will not be a funeral for anyone to attend. A memorial service could be held but that is out of my hands or control. It is a pleasant thought that I could possibly do more for humanity after I die than I ever did while alive by doctors training on my cadaver that could find a cure for cancer or other terrible disease.

Condolences for your loss.

Interesting. Some folks prefer to pass without the world knowing they ever existed. No cultural dictates as to how one is disposed of. No obituary. No wake, funeral, burial. No headstone. Only compost. Both my spouse & I agreed on this choice. We want no grieving. We just want to pass on with the least amount of circus, as we see ourselves as unimportant moments within the cosmos. Just trying to do as little damage to the world as our insignificant blinks of existence are absorbed into the universe. We are an arrogant species to think that we are important to anything other than those who love us. If people need consolation from a group, that is attainable via their own volition.