Probably limit contact with the racist friends? Im not an expert but at my age I have no time to waste on jerks and ignorant people.

I typically go in assuming that all white people are racist, to varying degrees, myself included. I don't know how we can live in the society that we do without at least subconsciously absorbing some racist ideas.

How well the friendship works out depends on how willing they are to acknowledge any racist tendencies when it is pointed out to them, and if they're willing to put in the effort to address these tendencies. I'm not going to maintain a relationship with someone who affirms their or my racism or thinks improvement in this area is unnecessary or too silly/PC

Same deal with sexism. You aren't gonna find any man or woman who hasn't any ingrained sexism at all.

Good people do better when they know better, and are open to knowing better.

One does not merely 'become' a racist. Usually it is found that they were taught this behavior at an early age, generally by family associations and other outside influences such as peer group pressure. For many I suspect that it is suppressed for a long while, then something happens that validates or empowers them and it comes out -- but it was there all along.

I've worked on every continent except Antarctica. I've worked in dozens of cultures and countries. I've found that there are racists and "culturalists" in all of them. I believe it can all be traced back to tribalism. Fear & distrust of "those not like us".

I helped a family come up from Hurricane Katrina who are Afro-American. I have always been in the kids lives and they call me their "grandfather" since I do things with them and try to be as supportive as possible. Started dating a lady about 4 years ago and the N word started slipping out twice. I would never have pegged her as racist. But we talked and then she thought it was weird I was helping out the family. Sigh. I was told people were talking about it. Well, f...them. Oh, and she was churchgoing to. I backed away gracefully but I know that even though it is 2018, people's innate beliefs die hard.

I think it's that slowly over the years it became taboo to speak racist stuff publicly in the white community. That doesn't mean they weren't racist, it was just hidden. Somehow a lot of those hidden racists had that taboo broken by Trump. Feeling a new sense of freedom to express it they exploded with all this repressed hatered they kept inside. Now you can see then ugly side they now proudly parade. I was saying that this exsisted for many years. I knew because most of my family are like that. Many look at me and assume I'm the same so many have expressed their views way before Trump or Obama ever came around. Obama is what primed the charge for them. It wasn't so much that he was black directly though. The lies the right made up were just way more effective at pissing them off because they were racists. That made it easier to inflame them because he was a black man. This laid the groundwork for Trump's racist views to strike the perfect tone with them. I wish I didn't have this insite but leaving in southern Indiana has made me well versed in racism.

Use kindness to show them how people or any race, color, religion should be treated. That said, I would not accept any form of racism in front of me at any point. Having a good friend who is racist must be a difficult situation for you. I'm sorry for that. I hope that you can manage to keep a healthy relationship with them. But if they are hurtful, maybe reconsider? I don't know. A very interesting situation.

Almost all of us are at least a little bit racist. I would admit that if I'm walking down a dark urban alley in the middle of the night and a stranger approaches, I would feel more at ease if the person is white. However, we humans have evolved to understand intellectually that racism is not a particularly bright path to follow, and the best of us do our best to raise above this innate trait and do what's best for community.

Have you had a discussion with them to show them how their view points are damaging?

It sure comes out in strange ways. I have a coworker who claims to be a liberal. She mentioned the Miss Black America pageant and asked me if it bothered me. I said, no, why should it bother me? She said "that they have to have their own pageant". I still can't wrap my head around why it should bother me who has a beauty pageant or not...so what if they have one that excludes other races? The entire purpose of a beauty pageant is to exclude everyone but the most beautiful, its utterly based on superficial exclusion. Geez, I was an average looker in my youth and never would have been included in a beauty pageant, now that I'm elderly and fat I really can't fathom why any of it would pertain to me in the slightest! I mean, coworker is no spring chicken either, that ship has sailed for her too, so why the heck does it matter? I guess the only answer is that we are in the south and how dare someone black exclude someone white from something that has nothing to do with them anyway? Crazy what goes on in some people's heads.

I understand what you mean. I hate that kind of insidious, subtle racism that rears its ugly head every now and then.

You know what was really difficult? I used to work as a waiter and bartender at a lot of restaurants around Connecticut. Black people tipped poorly, almost every time I had a table of black people the tip sucked. Some white people did too of course, but the statistics were huge that black folks didn't tip well. It is really hard to say that and not feel racist. Now that I'm out of that line of work I can look back and know that socioeconomic factors had a lot to do with it. The fact that it is harder for their demographic to make higher wages along with the fact that we are all told that blacks and whites should look at each other differently were big reasons as to why they didn't tip me (a white male) better. But it was hard at the time to not become racist.

My point is, experiences often will cause racism. There are reasons that black people tipped me (a white male) less, but at the time I knew that a table of black folks would tip me less and I wanted to blame them, not all the factors leading up to it.

What I find is that most of those people who sound racist aren’t really all that racist. If you pay attention to their actions you see that they are caring people who treat all fairly. I guess what comes out of their mouths is just shallow, learned behavior in most cases. Sometimes they just enjoy pushing our buttons.

IMO, the most invidious behavior is covert. Many people feel uneasy around those who are different, and they try to cover up their feelings. Blaming or demonizing them will get you nowhere—they can only change through personal experience. For me that experience was the army. For young people of today it is contact with their classmates.

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

—Martin Luther King, Jr.

Canada is a great country, aye? I love Canadians!

I understand completely! Both of my parents are 72. My father rerers to Obama as a "nigger mutt". His words, not mine. For people in and around your age, I think it was ingrained into their minds. Around here, if you are white, Chatholic, and of European decent, you are superior to any one else! My mother was married to two Mulsims before she married my dad. Neither can stand them. Going back to point, my father has a book (probably from the late 1940's) called "Little Black Sambo". I've read the "childrens" book, but it breeds hate. My ultimate point is that I don't think you made bad friends 40+ years ago. People were just raised that way. If you ask them about racism, they will probably say something like "I'm just old-fashoned",or some crap like that. They learned it. They can unlearn it too! My hate is blind!

I abhore racism and prejudice- That is, where they are defined as collectively denigrating, with serious intent, any person or group of people on the basis of ethnicity or belief. i am happy to live among and celebrate the diversity of humanity in all its forms. However, folks are sometimes shocked by the fact that i can laugh and moan at racist and prejudicial humour, as I believe that it is actually highlighting the rampant idiocy it reflects. Some of that shit is damn funny, whereas racist and other prejudicial intent never is.

I find that it is a ‘mixed bag,’ among my friends and even family! It is baffling to me as well, how people can so easily put down another ethnic or culture of people! I have always delighted in knowing people from different backgrounds and experiences! But, this kind of hate turns me off and it seems to be everywhere...that I never saw before! Anger at a situation is not what I see...it is hate for a certain kind of person! This can’t be normal?

Know exactly what you're talking about. Seriously considering doxing.

I hear what you are saying @mauxjen because you led your post with your age and yes, you and your friends have lived long enough to have had positive and negative experiences/ influences, societal entitlements/ empowerments/failures/ injuries, so after years of camaraderie, evolution has happened. But, your consciousness in humanity may have been heightened by some passages in time. You more than anyone can admit your own reality.

Ive had to give up a friendship from childhood because of racism. From the use of the N word to complaints of my daughter taking her mixed race kids around too many black people.

When they get older they have to find something to occupy their tiny minds ?