Colombia Ecosystem Being Overrun by Pablo Escobar’s Hippos

In the 1980s, drug kingpin Pablo Escobar smuggled four hippos onto his private country estate. Now, years later, dozens of them roam the wetlands north of Bogota, making them the largest invasive species on the planet and causing environmentalists to fear a potential ecological disaster is in the making.

Now, wildlife biologists say they’ve considered castration, but as the great Yogi Berra might have put it, “it ain’t all that easy castrating a hippopotamus.” First of all, it turns out it’s really hard, just trying to find a hippo’s “private parts.” Of course, in all fairness, I’m sure Melania complains about that very same thing.

And, to add to all of that, local environmentalists say they’re at a complete loss to figure out exactly what to do with this ever expanding hippo population, pointing out that they really have no ecologically viable place to put them in Columbia.

No kidding? Well then, why not just send them over to Mar-A-Lago? Hell, turn the joint into one big hippopotamus petting zoo for Trump supporters? The Trump cult would simply love it and everyone knows how cute and cuddly wild hippos are. Why, they’d never hurt a flea.

Besides, the good folks in Florida never seem to be able to get their fill of invasive species. Hell, the place is closest thing we have to a real life Jurassic Park. Why, it’d be like “Mr Hippo, meet Ms Burmese Python and Mr Alligator.” To which, they’d all politely respond “Pleased to eat you.”

[johnnyrobish.medium.com]