There is a definite pattern here. I would recommend genuinely exploring your relationships in your formative years: both parents or guardians, any step parents, older siblings, aunts or uncles, cousins, etc. I would bet money on it that one or more of these people were narcissists. And one of their main tools of control was manipulation via guilt... hence your susceptibility to sob stories. I was raised by a narc mother and accidentally dated a covert narc (the nice variety with a cult like group of friends) for a few months after she died. I was lucky in that I am not easily trusting and had experience with a narc to investigate him further. The fallout with him was malicious and confidence breaking I intentionally stopped dating for 2 years. I am still susceptible to being guilted by men or family in my life to this day, but keeping it on the forefront of my mind, rather than denying it and blindly trusting everyone, I am catching on to guilting tactics faster and easier these days. I would recommend identifying the narcs in your life, getting therapy to address said residual long lasting effects of this early relationship and then living your life with this in mind to prevent yourself from becoming victimized further. Best of luck to you

You are strong . While it might be nice to have a good man , they are not essential . If you're better off without , than with the type that come your way , consider remaining without . It may be in your best interests . You may also want to consider where and how you're meeting the men you've had in your life . If you're tired of being with alcoholics , but go back to bars to meet men , then realize , that's where you go to meet alcoholics .

Do U care, are U ready to share your age & approximate location? those are important!!

Lol. Why spoil a good thing by getting married. Learn to love yourself before loving others.

Don't feel so badly, or be so negative.

Look at it this way...you 'committed" to making a relationship work...in public, in a ceremony. You tried really hard. And you wisely got out when things turned sour.

I applaud your efforts - and I've been there, myself; 4 marriages...3 divorces. (The first one I became single due to her passing from Cancer at a very young age).

So don't think you have much to learn...you are who you are...good and bad...pretty much set in your ways. You've kept your health and made it to "maturity" so good for you.

You are wise. You made wise decisions at the time. Assume that much.

Have you asked yourself: "why do I keep choosing men who treat me like shit?"

If you haven’t already, consider seeing a therapist or at least reading books about relationships.
When I started therapy after my divorce, I was surprised we spent so much time talking about my family of origin. I just wanted to know why I married the person I did.
I quickly learned that we often partner with someone who has the same personality traits or problematic behaviors as people in prior relationships (family or other). We do it because we are used to managing the familiar, and THIS partner seems easier/safer/etc. than the person before.
It was certainly true for me, and that knowledge has helped me recognize those traits faster now, so I don’t waste time on people who aren’t a good match for me.
I also learned in therapy some of the things I was doing wrong, so I will be a better partner, too.
I hope you find the answers you need to break patterns and find lasting happiness either single or partnered.

Welcome and Enjoy

Welcome

I thought... "I am not in a hurry to become emotionally entangled" was the best sentence in your paragraph.

Welcome! We have a many good men here, I hope you will find your companion here.

ask questions. we all do

Hi Deborah, and welcome. Only four? I'm one ahead of you. And all of them except one were enjoyable and beneficial experiences for both. One was a nightmare, and I don't waste any time talking about it. But it all comes down to making good choices...which is easier said than done.

Hi.. welcome.

Your shared experiences reminded my of my own life; and it has been and continues to happy, healthy, and satisfying. It took me the first 30 years to realize that i had to become honest about my own needs, especially with myself. There is no other way to truly love oneself, a critical element in my life.

Managing relationships functionally is the most difficult challenge most people experience. But most aren't taught about the really hard work it takes to make a loving relationship work so both partners are relatively satisfied. So I certainly empathize with your dilemma, if that's what it is for you.

I've always been introspective and reflective, and have often been told that i think too much; it's a criticism i've never accepted believing that such a comment reflects a need to avoid "the heavy lifting."

Ultimately my view has been confirmed and those relationships have ended. After grieving and moving on, i've ensured that blame and blaming, especially self-blame, has not become a part of my paradigm.

Since my 40s, i enter into any relationship with a person i feel myself caring about with a warning label that i can be a high-maintenance friend and lover, refusing to settle for less than total honesty and demonstrated respect. These are non-negotiable if someone wants to have a relationship with me.

If that's too hard for another person, then they're obviously not a keeper,. LOL

I wish you well.

you certainly speak from experience

Four marriages? How long did you know these men before getting married?

welcome