Nope, there are definitely times when the price of admission is too high. But there is always the chance there are men in your area who are in a similar situation as you are; it's unlikely you're the only rational person in your region, even if the odds are a little slimmer where you are. I live in avery conservative, very rural area, but I still manage to find some more left-leaning, non-religious folks here, including my girlfriend. Don't resign yourself to a life of solitude unless that's what you want.

@resserts I am active with Omaha Humanists so I have met many of the Humanists in the area. Of course right now with COVID we meet online only and we're not getting many new folks. I'm not too worried about it, I'm busy enough being single, something would have to shift for me to make time for a relationship and I don't know what I"m willing to give up or delay.

@HippieChick58 I suppose — once in-person interaction is a thing people do again — that it could be less a serious relationship with significant time investment and more the occasional dinner-and-a-movie out or Netflix-and-chill at home. But being single is its own reward, too.

Sometimes that's how it goes. I was content being single for a long time, but now I'm in a relationship that feels satisfying. And the price of admission doesn't feel too expensive.

I've always enjoyed Dan Savage and his wit and reasonableness. His judgement is typically sound and, when the topic extends beyond opinion or his personal experience, he goes out of his way to call on experts to help provide appropriate advice. I appreciate that sort of humility.

You'll just need to find that 0.64.

He's softened his anti-religion stance in recent years and since his mother's death I've heard him refer to himself as "culturally Catholic." I haven't heard him say much about it in the last couple of years, though, so I don't know exactly where he stands on the topic now.

@resserts There are also 'cultural Jews' who don't follow the religion but their heritage. It is considered one of the largest organized secular group in the world.

@JackPedigo I think that may be where Dan Savage got the term from. I don't have a real problem with it, except that he used to be an outspoken proponent of the nonreligious and now he claims religion, albeit culturally when pressed on the details. It was nice to have him more in our corner, when he was overtly critical of the Church — but I get that times change and positions mellow. I'm at a level of DGAF about what other people believe (or don't) that I wouldn't have thought I'd be capable of when I was 25 years old — but my actual position on religion and deities and metaphysics and other unscientific claims hasn't significantly changed over the years.

@resserts Mine have, though and they continue to do so albeit in small steps. To me life is about change.

@JackPedigo I guess I mean the difference between nuances in my positions versus major shifts. E.g., I don't anticipate having another major shift like I had when I dumped Catholicism, Christianity, and theism, but over the last 20 years, especially early on, I moved away from "hopeful agnostic" to "negative atheist." That's a more subtle change, of course, and as things stand now it feels natural and reasonable and I don't know what might move me from that perspective. But it's possible that new understandings in quantum mechanics or cosmology or conscious states could move my needle slightly one way or another, at least fine-tuning my viewpoint. I don't obsess over it anymore, though, as I'm comfortable with where I've landed and, though I remain open to new perspectives, I've found no argument that has swayed me significantly from the position I've held for 15+ years now. I don't feel the need any longer to mentally rehash it continuously. And, with time, I increasingly feel like there are more important things to focus on: family, friends, community. If it turns out I'm wrong about some aspect of reality's underlying nature, so be it; my life and priorities are focused elsewhere and I feel that I'm better off for that divergence.

@resserts Thank you for sharing. It does bring home a point for me in that life is all about change an some, as yourself, recognize this and are open to it. For some, as myself, it continues to change often in leaps and bounds. So many major changes in my life were, in the past, really stressful. Now I try to just sit back and enjoy the view. My life experiences exacerbated an issue with the next youngest brother. His life has been the typical American life - go to school (with help from our dad), get a career (very successful architect with a thriving business of his own in a major city), get married, buy a large house, have a couple of kids and do a little traveling. That's it. He did drop religion but his wife is very religious so they don't talk of religion in the house. His and my views of the world are very different and it often puts us at odds. Still, his my only sibling that takes time to communicate with me. I have seen one's view of the world can be basically summed up as in one's geography and experiences.

Why would they? You wouldn't teach students in sex ed how to get sex. You'd teach them safe sex practices and about contraceptive use and options for unwanted pregnancies and std stis and testing available. Your question would not be pertinent in either setting.

You could always write in and ask what he suggests, giving him a few details of your situation. But I think his focus is on the dynamics within a relationship, not on how to hook up.

@demifeministgal, @resserts His podcast covers a wide range of topics regarding sexuality, but it seems to make the assumption that everyone who wants to participate is welcome to participate. I can see why it might be a turn-off topic for most listeners. Or maybe it never occurred to him that there are some people with no magnetism.

He accepts questions via email - I'm going to submit my question.

that is a very good way of putting it. He's not in the match making business or in the business of helping people hookup. Consult a matchmaker to help with your issue if you can afford it.

Yeah, I do think it's largely common sense, but it seems many people don't apply it to their personal lives. And the fact that people can be so specific and articulate regarding what annoys them about their partner but can't speak nearly so well on what they love about their partner is something I never thought about, though it makes sense. But it's worth reminding ourselves of that, I suppose, to reinforce that we tend to give too much weight to the things that bother us but far too little to the benefits.

As for removing your smartass humor, you might have been upstaging Dan. They can't have that!

@resserts I also think that if the little things are starting to bother you, it is a sign that you might need to look at the bigger things. The little ones may be providing distractions about what is really bothering you.