I'm a late responder. After reading everyone's remarks, I would repeat @Mermaidfantasy 's questions. I believe you already know the correct response to your own question. Follow your gut and avoid the big red flags.

I think you hit the nail on the head: He just wants company. Another option is that he's just thoughtless, and/or absent minded. I suffer that that, though when it involves someone special I make an extra effort. Though, these days with phones in our pockets and all kinds of apps to remind you of stuff, it almost takes extra effort to screwup. (I am 60+, so I'm not exactly a millennial!)

One last option, that I'm almost afraid to mention, is that I was raised with the "good girl" and "nice girl" thing, and if you "respected" a girl, you didn't "try" anything. I'm not sure how all the was supposed to work, maybe intimacy was just supposed to fall out of the sky or something. Sure as hell didn't work for me, that's for sure. Anyway, it's entirely possible he has no idea how to move a relationship along. I would advise you to keep your eyes open.

There are so many questions that need to be asked to get a better idea of this relationship before one would have a clear picture as to what one would think. You say you have spent hours talking about who each other is and what they want, does he ask question of you, about you, when you talk or does he just talk about himself and never inquire about you? On a whole, is the relationship a give and take or is it all one sided? When you do hang out together, does he ask or do what you would like to do or do you only spend time doing what he wants to do?

I don't know about the romance, but he just doesn't seem to care about you. You, the person.

Romance is overrated is what I think. I would rate enjoying each other's company higher.

Spend more hours talking about this kinda stuff. Where’s his head at. What you’re both looking for etc. If you want it proceed and wish to know if you’re both barking up the same tree, then talk more about the good stuff.

If he is not into you and just views you as a friend or a FWB (friends with benefits) he may not be trying to romance you... if you two are dating and have agreed to be exclusive then maybe he is just not good at romancing... life is too short just tell him what you want and then he will do it... although I have dated stubborn ass men where I give em instructions and they don't follow them so beware of the stubborn man out there. No hope for those ones!

Since July? He's not interested in going further than just friends. If intimacy of the kind you're hoping for was on the menu he'd have ordered up and be eating voraciously by now. You wouldn't need to be teaching any tricks, believe me.

His inability to think about you in a context other than himself is a good reason to be absolutely fine with being just friends with this guy.

Proceed with caution lest you find yourself bleeding from the heart even more than you already are.

OK. As an old guy, my side of the story. I’ve had many nonromantic lady friends over the years. I always looked for cues when I meet a lady. Still do. Three ladies I have been great friends only with for 40+ years. (Wow, I’ve learned a lot.)

I meet ladies socially & we begin to chat. We seem to hit it off. She tells a joke and touches my hand at the punch line. Hmmm. I don’t react, just store the thought. In my opinion I can tell when a lady MAY be interested in the romance side. Conversation reveals our back ground info & availability.

Now old men, and if he has ED, he may be embarrassed. He definitely sounds lonely. I think its difficult to size someone up chatting or message. I suggest that a man with ED can please a woman sexually & sensually.

Now my suggestion is to first try the touch approach. You first. If he doesn’t get that just tell him what you’re lonely for. Put it out there.

Sometimes with guys just be point blank in your wants and expectations .We get it that way,,may make him offended for a moment but if you are who he is looking for ,then it will probably clear the playing field,,most people hold back do not want to offend or hurt themselves or the other person or really let there true self thru ,so they tred lightly

Is he really listening? Showing up with nuts in his drink is too symbolic to not laugh sadly.....I can't advise this person how to love you without knowing really how you chose him and the complete pattern of his replies to your choices....is polite companionship enough ?? Is he mildly forever narcissistic??? Could be...Do you want to be his teacher ? Is he already scoring C minus on your tacit tests ?

"Newly divorced". Probably too early to expect much out of him. We usually need up to a year to get over a serious/long term relationship. He's still working out whatever caused the divorce (been there, done that).He may well be enjoying being somebody's interest if his wife had ignored him. My advice -if you think he's worth the wait,treat him as a casual date for the rest of his first year of divorce-dom.

He took awhile but he got you the dark chocolate. A work in progress

He's looking for a companion not partner good luck with that if that is not your desire start looking. Some(not many) want a companion others,like me, want a full partner and lover

It's only been 4 months! I wouldn't make any decisions this early, either way. It takes a long time to really get to know someone and stock up your list of pros and cons. There will be many pros and cons and the list probably won't change too much at this age. You have to learn how to deal with them. As long as you laugh, have common interests, generally enjoy each other's company, I'd stick it out a while longer. Obviously, deal-breakers that arise may end the relationship anyway but you can overcome idiosyncrasies by defining boundaries and giving each other space. At this age it is just a new kind of relationship.

Your experience reminded me of this essay. [thecut.com]

I think he is looking for his comfort, not necessarily for a partner. Many guys are looking for nurses with purses. He has been showing you the real him, pay attention. Is this what you really want?

I don't think you will ever get your needs met in that relationship... not without lots and lots of hard work training him. Some people just cannot see outside of themselves. They aren't aware enough to take other's needs into account. Has he been married to one woman all his life? It seems he wants a "wife" in the traditional sense.

I’m conflicted on my answer. I was married for over 20 years and I felt myself slipping lower and lower on my ex’s priority list each year. I don’t think you can teach someone who consistently puts themselves first, to think about others first. I’m not saying you can’t guide him....but do you want to go through all the work? Knowing he’s likely to revert back? Also, would he be sincerely putting you ahead of himself? Or just going through the motions?

I’m an empath and know I need someone who is similar in a relationship. I tend to put others ahead of myself. When I’m with someone who isn’t an empath, they sap everything out of me and I end up having no one looking out for my needs.

Or look at it this way, would you change that much for someone?