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And then there's the one about a bloke who couldn't quite understand why his wife was so pissed off at him AFTER he'd gone to all the trouble of mixing Kerosene, Petrol and disinfectant together and pouring into their long-drop outback toilet.
It seems, she, his wife used it before the fumes had time to dissipate, dropped cigarette down in the hole and was greeted by one almighty rush of heat, flames and fire BEFORE she had time to even stand up.
Btw, this is an ACTUAL True story because I was working with the bloke at the time and he was complaining how his wife had barred from having sex, etc, until she had healed up.

Triphid 9 Apr 22
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Near Christmas last year we lost Clive James. After this, BBC radio aired extracts of him reading his autobiography "Unreliable Memoirs". The chapter dealing with the dunny man still ranks IMHO as one of the funniest bit of writing I've come across.

273kelvin Level 8 Apr 22, 2020

Kelvin. Have you seen "Kenny"?

@FrayedBear A far cry from the athletic Aussie guy Clive described. Always in shorts despite the season, who would run with the pale on his shoulder. Never mentioned in polite conversation. His only acknowledgement being a bottle of beer discreetly left in the outhouse at Xmas. Then one fateful yuletide too many of these caused him to trip over a young Clive's bike in the driveway. There was not a single part of the contents that did not end up on him.

Ah yes I remember the 'Panman' from my childhood and his truck that rolled over one day at the corner near the Primary School I was attending.
The 'panman' was okay but the road was ankle deep in shit, piddle, bits of paper and other unmentioables, a passer-by stopped to ask why the 'panman' was digging so franticly through the mess and he replied, " I'm looking for my coat."
The passer-by just said " I'd give that coat a miss mate, nothing could ever get that clean again so why bother."
The response came, " My bloody crib ( lunch) is in the bloody pocket, that's why I'm looking for the coat."
I've never forgotten that day nor the story either it took a crew of 8 men armed with shovels and big brooms to clean up the road and the teachers had just as hard a time trying get all the school kids to go back to their classes.

@Triphid Clive's book also described all the nasty wildlife that might attack you during a nighttime visit. Like the Dunny spider that if it bit your wedding tackle would cause it to painfully swell to 4 times the size.

@273kelvin, @Triphid Blaster Bates started telling the story of "The Shower of Shit Over Cheshire" probably when Tony had his school experience:

Do enjoy a good yarn!

@FrayedBear I doubt it m8 since the 'rollover' incident occurred in the second week of December, 1965 on the corner of Gypsum and Rakow Streets, Broken Hill at approx. 12.30 pm ( Lunchtime at school).
My teacher at the time was a Miss Fewtrell, a very grumpy, mean tempered woman aged about 50+, slightly bow-legged and a voice that sounded like a female Hippo in labour, built like a brick shithouseand always wore horn rimmed glasses that perched on the very end of her most prominent nose.
I'll never evr forget her as long as I live I reckon.

@273kelvin Ah, the Aussie Red-backe spider, the denizon of the Dunny, know those little buggers only too well.
Actually got bitten on the 'wedding tackle' by one while helping out on friend's Sheep Property back in the early 70's.
Being in somewhat hurry to get to the dunny before ending up in a very embarrassing situation, I forgot to do the usual ritual of brush around the underside of the wooden seat, felt the sting of the bite just as I had finished the 'paperwork' and saw Mrs. Red-back crawling back under the seat.
A week in hospital with agonising pain, swelling, sweats and shivers, cold compresses aplied to my closest mate (LOL) and baths in salty water 3 times a day only to learn that I had been robbed of taking revenge on Mrs. Red-back because they, the property owners, had saturated the dunny with DDT in my abscence.
Btw, it IS only the female Red-back that bites, the males are tiny and non-venemous and are usualeaten by thefemale after mating IF they aren't quick enough to escape that it.

@Triphid As Master Bates states the incident occurred about 1947 or 8. He probably didnt start giving his talks to the Rotary, Lions and other clubs until the late 50's -
[en.wikipedia.org]
I was introduced to his records by a school mate whose father had some discs.

@FrayedBear Yeah well I'd lay even money bets that many a bloke working the Night Carts, as they were so often known, managed to cop a bit of drenching from the regularly well filled pan or two, a 'hazard' of the job no doubt.
Out here we used to call them, Aussie Slang of course, " Honey Trucks" because of the continuous buzzing of the flies that followed along with them since it always sounded like a swarm of bees around a hive, hence the reference to honey....LOL.
But here in Broken Hil in the old pan toilet days, the 'Honey Trucks' ONLY came around during daylight hours and 'visited' twice per week to swap the pans whether you were using the dunny or not.
I often muse over just how many unsuspecting women, like my eldest sister, got 'caught pants down and bare-cheeked' when the full pans were swapped out for empty ones....LOL.

@FrayedBear I know for sure that an Aussie singer, named Slim Newton I think that was his name btw, wrote a song about my 'experience' because he was visiting the property at the time it happened.

@Triphid A quick search has not turned anything up but Newton did have his hit with the Red Back Spider on the dunny seat in 1972.

[historyofaussiemusic.blogspot.com]

@Triphid I knew a chap back in the early 80's who was still on the pan. He lived in Umina, NSW which is very flat & had a fair sized population. - it was used by Sydneysiders to get rid of their elderly in cheap fibro cottages.

@FrayedBear Yep, that would be somewhere around the time he was visiting the station and I was helping out on it as well.
I left there to start training as a nurse in February 1972 at the Broken Hill and District Hospital, I think Slims song came out about 6 or so months later because he sent me an autographed copy of it on a vinyl 45 rpm record. The Title was " Redback on the Toilet Seat" if I remember correctly.
He also had another titled " 50 Million Blowflies can't be wrong."

@FrayedBear We're a whole loot more civilised out here these days, 99.9% of houses here are on the Sewage Mains, flushing toilets as well btw, the rest, the very small few are on Septic Tanks still but only because they are in areas where the main Sewage lines can't reach.
Most Grazing properties around here and as far away as I know from here, about 3 -400 kilometres, are only Septic Tank systems and have gotten rid of the Long-Drop Dunnies in favour of having a toilet in the bathroom rathe than having to take the long walk in all kinds of weather.

@Triphid I think I was eventually connected in the early 90/ mid 90's.

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