Cheesy Jokes


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By Brbaldwin Posts by anyone

Aug 10, 2019Aug 2019

RUNNING LATE: Official Glossary The official glossary to running late... "On the way..." - Still in bed. "In the car..." - In the shower. "GPS says 35 min..." - Getting ready. "There's traffic..." - Leaving the house. "Parking now..." - 15...

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Two Thousand Offspring The teacher was describing the dolphin and its habits. "And, children, "she said impressively, "a single dolphin will have two thousand offspring." "Goodness!" gasped a little girl in the back row. "And how about married ones?"

Newspapers Are Old School I asked my daughter if she’d seen my newspaper. She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad. The fly didn’t stand a chance.

Religious Objects A teacher asks her students what religious objects they have in their homes. One boy answers, "We have a picture of a woman with a halo holding a baby and every day my mother kneels in front of it." The next little boy says, ...

Grandma's Diploma A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around Walmart in a buggy. Each time she put something in the basket she would say, "And here's something for you, Diploma," or "This will make a cute little outfit for you, Diploma,"...

Playing Mozart Veronica was practicing the piano when suddenly there was a loud pounding on the front door. She opened it and found a breathless cop. "What's the matter?!" she asked. "Where's the body?!" demanded the officer. "What are you ...

Ask Dad "If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?" "One dollar." "You don't know your arithmetic." "You don't know my father!"

You guys need to read this. Give yourselves about ten minutes to read this...His entire site is dripping with hilarity. Sample: "Also, your inference that I am without religion is incorrect and I am actually torn between two faiths; while your ...

Nacho Soup Holly cannot cook. She is capable of the process of cooking, but Holly cannot cook in the same way that an octopus cannot ride a bike; it has enough arms to reach the pedals and handlebars but the result will rarely be a successful ...

President's Day I was eating lunch on the 18th of February with my 10-year-old grandson and I asked him, "What day is tomorrow?" He said, "It's President's Day!" I asked, "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about ...

Jack and Jill have grown up. They've graduated from university, gotten married and got a job at the same firm. One day, while going through the books and after much deliberation, their boss decides he must lay off one employee. Jack and Jill are ...

Not a joke but I need to tell the world.. Today I am a grandfather.. 9lbs 6oz and 20 inches of little kid coming to the world! I am elated! :-)

You hear about the guy who got hit by lightning 20 times? He always conducted himself properly.

Wooden Leg Smith An elderly man went to his friend's house to have a little chitchat. Then, he told his friend, "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith." His friend then asked, "So what's the name of the other leg?"

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife !" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night ! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the ...

New Job for the College Graduate A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But ...

Prehistoric Producer What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business? "Try Sara's Tops!"

Light bulb jokes How many academics does it take to change a lightbulb ? None. That's what research students are for.

@insectra another light bulb screwing joke.

Split Second The old definition of a split second is the time between the light turning green and when the driver behind you honks their horn. The new definition of a split second is the time between when the commercial starts and your spouse ...

How to Start your Day with a Positive Outlook - 1. Open a new file in your PC. 2. Name it "Housework." 3. Send it to the RECYCLE BIN. 4. Empty the RECYCLE BIN. 5. Your PC will ask you, "Are you sure you want to delete Housework...

Why do chicken coops only have two doors? Because if they had four, they would be chicken sedans...

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