zeuser's Profile

Just a few pieces of hard evidence, is that so much to ask for in exchange for believing the Xstian ...

zeuser comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Well, to be fair, selling fake foreskins was a very lucrative side hustle for "the Christ". He made quite a few dinars pushing his "messiah skins" to unsuspecting Samaritans, who were very gullible about shit like this, When we think about Judas and the thirty "pieces" of silver, we have to wonder, ...

zeuser replies on Jan 17, 2022:

@Toonman https://www.amazon.com/Five-Elements-Humor-Joke-Techniques/dp/1479122076 This should work. And BTW, that's 3.

Just a few pieces of hard evidence, is that so much to ask for in exchange for believing the Xstian ...

zeuser comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Well, to be fair, selling fake foreskins was a very lucrative side hustle for "the Christ". He made quite a few dinars pushing his "messiah skins" to unsuspecting Samaritans, who were very gullible about shit like this, When we think about Judas and the thirty "pieces" of silver, we have to wonder, ...

zeuser replies on Jan 17, 2022:

@Toonman Here, partner, I'm sending you a link to a book I think *you* oughta read. Thanks for the responses. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B008TKU1RK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8=1

Revelations From a Trove of Trump Tax Records - NY Times [youtube.

zeuser comments on Jan 17, 2022:

Knowing someone is a crook is one thing. Finding out the magnitude and breadth of the criminal activity behind the criminal is quite another. But, as they used to teach you at Trump U., if you don't get caught, who cares?

zeuser replies on Jan 17, 2022:

@OldGoat43 Hope you are right. I guess we'll see.

Just a few pieces of hard evidence, is that so much to ask for in exchange for believing the Xstian ...

zeuser comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Well, to be fair, selling fake foreskins was a very lucrative side hustle for "the Christ". He made quite a few dinars pushing his "messiah skins" to unsuspecting Samaritans, who were very gullible about shit like this, When we think about Judas and the thirty "pieces" of silver, we have to wonder, ...

zeuser replies on Jan 17, 2022:

@Toonman Check out the gospel of "Peter", which mysteriously never made it to the King James bible.

There were…..fine people..on both sides. Go home….your very special.

OldGoat43 comments on Jan 15, 2022:

The guillotine in town square might be a little much. Maybe we should put it up on the White House lawn or rose garden?

zeuser replies on Jan 16, 2022:

Let's put it to a vote. I vote ker-chunk.

Biblical smell test.

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

One woman and one woman is also wrong, by this measure. What would someone even do with 700 wives and 300 concubines? *shudders*

zeuser replies on Jan 14, 2022:

@St-Sinner Any phone numbers you might share? ;)

Biblical smell test.

KateOahu comments on Jan 14, 2022:

sigh…there is just no rationalizing it, is there?

zeuser replies on Jan 14, 2022:

That's all it is, is rationalizing. It makes zero objective sense.

Close enough. 😆

p-nullifidian comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Wonder how long before the museum staff objected to the imitation of the Pieta?

zeuser replies on Jan 14, 2022:

Probably ok up until they started to disrobe.

Here are a few I had kicking around my hard drive.

tinkercreek comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Great collection!

zeuser replies on Jan 14, 2022:

Thanks. I just steal 'em!

You are invited. Turmeric bath for brides and grooms is a must in a Hindu marriage ceremony.

zeuser comments on Jan 14, 2022:

I hear it spices up the relationship. It is just one component of trying to curry favor.

zeuser replies on Jan 14, 2022:

@St-Sinner Looks like it could be a vinda-loo-loo.

Cockeyed optimist waiter.

tinkercreek comments on Jan 14, 2022:

I think I should have done that a time or three.

zeuser replies on Jan 14, 2022:

Hah! I read one of those reddit threads about this, and one guy just went to the can, didn't come back, and texted the young lady "Maybe you should call an Uber".

But he loves Mr. Beaky.

AnonySchmoose comments on Jan 14, 2022:

Per their portrait on the wall, Mr. Beaky and Timmy have an understanding that if Timmy dies in his sleep, Mr. Beaky gets to feast on him.

zeuser replies on Jan 14, 2022:

It's touching, really, a boy and his buzzard.

Here are a few I had kicking around my hard drive.

Austin-Cambridge comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Excellent montage big Z :-)

zeuser replies on Jan 13, 2022:

Thanks, mate.

Remember Mike?

KateOahu comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Redistributing

zeuser replies on Jan 13, 2022:

That's what I did. ;)

King of the Trumpanzees.

zeuser comments on Jan 13, 2022:

Hannity is an apparatachik putz. Joseph Goebbels without the accent and slightly better skin.

zeuser replies on Jan 13, 2022:

@LucyLoohoo You could be right about that.

Here are a few I had kicking around my hard drive.

Canndue comments on Jan 13, 2022:

It’s definitely rigged

zeuser replies on Jan 13, 2022:

I know, right?

I knew it. I am living a healthy lifestyle, finally. [abcnews4.com]

hankster comments on Jan 12, 2022:

Do you have to eat that kale stuff?

zeuser replies on Jan 12, 2022:

Smoking it didn't work like I wanted, so I just throw that shit away.

Eyes glued to smartphones.

zeuser comments on Jan 12, 2022:

I'd come back with my gear for that trout. Before the damn eagle gets him. ;)

zeuser replies on Jan 12, 2022:

@LiterateHiker I hope the pneumonia is gone now. Take care of yourself, hon.

"There's none so blind as those who will not see" John Heywood (1497 - 1580 ) I was prompted to ...

AnonySchmoose comments on Jan 11, 2022:

I too have butted heads with a few members that refused to reason. I felt unwelcome until I blocked them and forgot about it.

zeuser replies on Jan 12, 2022:

That is the correct approach.

It’s now called a “cult”.

zeuser comments on Jan 11, 2022:

Yeah, that's about right. In the pre-loony tune world that you-know-who ushered in, I knew some republicans that I actually liked. I miss 'em.

zeuser replies on Jan 11, 2022:

@CuddyCruiser Yeah, I know about those guys, but I am also talking about daily acquaintances. The republicans I knew either stopped being republicans - good for them! - but *most* became radicalized in varying degrees so that further contact was, at the very least, counterproductive. And, like I said, I miss 'em.

You guessed?

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Uh oh, door jamb.

zeuser replies on Jan 10, 2022:

@St-Sinner This is a strong "free the nipple" case.

Portraiture is a lost art.

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Paints by sense of smell

zeuser replies on Jan 10, 2022:

Hey, if you gotta deal with assholes all the time, might as well make a couple of bucks while doing so.

My default position, as many of you know.

Mooolah comments on Jan 10, 2022:

I can't relate to nads. I have none. =0}

zeuser replies on Jan 10, 2022:

They tend to make an easy and tempting target.

Seriously! Lol

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

I set a challenge for myself sometimes to listen in on as many different conversations as I can when I am at the bar by myself. You'd be surprised what people say, although a lot of it is really stupid shit like the meme says.

zeuser replies on Jan 10, 2022:

@Pralina1 It's actually good exercise for your ability to hold many mental threads together at one time. Plus, you are taking the measure of everyone you hear, which can be extremely useful.

Lucy in the sky...

DenoPenno comments on Jan 10, 2022:

My kids gave me a couple of edibles and I got nothing from them at all.

zeuser replies on Jan 10, 2022:

I know a guy in the neighborhood who makes em at his house. They work just dandy. You gotta watch how much you eat at one time.

Finally two good conservatives... Make Love, not Masks

zeuser comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Of course you must agree to be sexually objectified to effectively protest like this. My issue is that nobody in their right mind would want to sexually objectify me, so I gotta wear a mask. LOL

zeuser replies on Jan 10, 2022:

@St-Sinner Finances have some effect there, unfortunately.

My kinda bar.

HankSherman comments on Jan 10, 2022:

Rare as hens teeth,

zeuser replies on Jan 10, 2022:

This works as long as you can bring your own set of reasonable people to interact with.

My kinda bar.

Canndue comments on Jan 9, 2022:

‘Cause I believe everything I hear in a bar…

zeuser replies on Jan 9, 2022:

Show me the data, and I'll believe it no matter where I hear it.

Precedents in plain sight.

TheDoubter comments on Jan 9, 2022:

if trump gains power it will be all over

zeuser replies on Jan 9, 2022:

Might already be too late.

And even then only for a couple of minutes.

Cast1es comments on Jan 9, 2022:

I prefer to have the D@mn phone attached to the wall , still . Didn't cause automobile accidents , didn't get dropped in the toilet , didn't hear my little brother peeing while in the middle of a conversation . It never got lost that way , never had a dead battery , and it lasted for multiple ...

zeuser replies on Jan 9, 2022:

Nothing stopping you from hardwiring a landline and never using a cell phone at all.

And even then only for a couple of minutes.

KateOahu comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Talking, whether on the phone, via video chat, or face to face, is more personal and therefore more attractive to me, than texting. The audible and physical clues help for better communication and limit misunderstanding.

zeuser replies on Jan 9, 2022:

It's harder to edit your live speech, so things are more likely to "slip out" before you can think better of whether or not to say them - or to say something completely different.

And even then only for a couple of minutes.

St-Sinner comments on Jan 9, 2022:

Taking a Bullet as in role playing? Like play cop and robber... zoom zoom zoom?

zeuser replies on Jan 9, 2022:

No, it's an (usually sincere but that's before someone starts to shoot) expression of affection so strong it implies the willingness to risk your life for someone to survive. Even so, not as strong as letting someone talk to you on the phone. That's the gag.

And even then only for a couple of minutes.

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jan 9, 2022:

I so understand that. I have hated talking on phones since way long before cells. Yet, I still don't go anywhere without my cell.

zeuser replies on Jan 9, 2022:

Texting is a LOT more civilized, IMHO.

What we call ourselves, and some business news.

jeshuey comments on Jan 8, 2022:

I don't want to seem obtuse, but...

zeuser replies on Jan 8, 2022:

Try being more expressive. ;)

Now that is some skeleton logic.

zeuser comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Looks like he's about to bone her, if he can get her outta that joint. ;)

zeuser replies on Jan 8, 2022:

@JennyRad That's pretty hip.

Law and order.

alliwant comments on Jan 8, 2022:

Put 'em on the hot seat!

zeuser replies on Jan 8, 2022:

Crank it up to 11.

This is why we need research universities

phxbillcee comments on Jan 6, 2022:

For many their butthole is tRump...

zeuser replies on Jan 6, 2022:

This tech could help with identifying individual wingnuts because, you know, all right wing assholes look about the same to me. LOL

Focus, Stephen, focus.

tinkercreek comments on Jan 6, 2022:

Thanks for the earworm, buddy!

zeuser replies on Jan 6, 2022:

Oh come on, this pretty tame as ear worms go. Cuz you know, it's a small world after all. LOL

That about covers it!

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2022:

There's that "Speak English Dammit" group I don't see here. But yeah, pretty thorough.

zeuser replies on Jan 6, 2022:

@TheoryNumber3 To be fair, there's a lot of overlap amongst the categories.

I think the right island for his exile is Alcatraz or Rikers.

zeuser comments on Jan 5, 2022:

Key West. Let the gay community observe his exile.

zeuser replies on Jan 5, 2022:

@ChurchLess You sure? It could be fun.

Now that I believe just like him

Sticks48 comments on Jan 5, 2022:

And found him trying to pay Mary Magdolin for some head with the money.

zeuser replies on Jan 5, 2022:

I understand he tried to use the coupon in the wallet to get dinars off.

Sometimes it is just closed

zeuser comments on Jan 4, 2022:

Hah! I always pump my own!

zeuser replies on Jan 4, 2022:

@phxbillcee Yeah. But on the other hand, I pump by the gallon.

"Scar" is a pseudonym here. The hyenas are metaphorical.

Redheadedgammy comments on Jan 3, 2022:

I’d love to see the MAGAts go after trump and hang him like they wanted to do to Pence!!

zeuser replies on Jan 3, 2022:

Me too, but that would just mean that there is a murdering mob still at large looking for who to hang next. Mixed emotions here.

"Scar" is a pseudonym here. The hyenas are metaphorical.

ChestRockfield comments on Jan 3, 2022:

Except the MAGA hyenas are far too stupid to realize Trump lies.

zeuser replies on Jan 3, 2022:

Eventually I think they will in fact catch on. Things can get to be pretty fucking shitty before that happens, but I think it'll happen.

I found this in an article about the burning man event.

KateOahu comments on Jan 2, 2022:

Symbolism…love it.

zeuser replies on Jan 3, 2022:

It's a trap!

I found this in an article about the burning man event.

Sticks48 comments on Jan 2, 2022:

Building a better sheep trap.

zeuser replies on Jan 2, 2022:

They may each look different, but they work the same.

Teaches the kids to be quick and efficient.

Theresa_N comments on Jan 2, 2022:

I had a terrible time rolling, I was the one using the machine. Because of this I always preferred a big water pipe.

zeuser replies on Jan 2, 2022:

I should start a thread about disastrous bongwater spills. Back in the days of shag carpeting, this could be a major disaster.

Teaches the kids to be quick and efficient.

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jan 2, 2022:

I was/am terrible at rolling. So bad that a friend, in the 70's, rolled one while driving a manual VW bug through the city for us to smoke. He was fucking amazing.

zeuser replies on Jan 2, 2022:

I was always the designated roller. I honed my skills rolling regular tobacco back in the days when it was much cheaper than buying smokes, and I was poor. I haven't rolled a blunt in decades, preferring pipage with the more potent bud now available, but I could still do it if necessary, with one single sized paper too.

I found this in an article about the burning man event.

Beowulfsfriend comments on Jan 2, 2022:

I want to see them burn it prior to the main burning.

zeuser replies on Jan 2, 2022:

I'd suggest that it gets its own event.

Good riddance!!! [the-sun.com]

RobertNappi2 comments on Dec 31, 2021:

This shit has been going on for far too long. I don't feel sorry about this at all. Stupid is as stupid does.

zeuser replies on Dec 31, 2021:

Plus, she died with no fear! That's a key! Of course, when you are sedated and intubated, your capacity for fear is limited by your lack of both consciousness and easy access to oxygen.

Will he be held accountable though?

zeuser comments on Dec 30, 2021:

If the Russian mob decides he's too big of a risk. they will rub his greasy orange ass out. Otherwise, I suspect he will never be held accountable.

zeuser replies on Dec 31, 2021:

@LucyLoohoo Ah, this is such a common request. You mistake me for the mythical deity. My thunderbolts are limited to what I produce after eating chili, cole slaw, and a side of baked beans. While unpleasant, those bolts are rarely fatal. Apologies. ;)

Good riddance!!! [the-sun.com]

Moravian comments on Dec 31, 2021:

A woman of faith ?. No, A woman of stupidity

zeuser replies on Dec 31, 2021:

@LucyLoohoo Yes. Yes it is.

She had to put a dinar in the swear vessel.

Julie808 comments on Dec 29, 2021:

My dad used to say "Jesus H. Christ!" but I never figured out what Jesus' middle name was... So I imagined it was Harold, like my dad. Haha! Yeah "Brian!" just doesn't have the same ring to it.

zeuser replies on Dec 29, 2021:

Wiki says the H was originally for Harold. So you are right on the money. A nice way to remember your pop when you stub your toe. ;)

She had to put a dinar in the swear vessel.

RhondaShotwell comments on Dec 28, 2021:

Blessed are the cheese makers.

zeuser replies on Dec 28, 2021:

Classic Brian.

Well that's just grate!

Canndue comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Cool, they come out cooked

zeuser replies on Dec 27, 2021:

Browned and just lightly salted.

Well that's just grate!

Beowulfsfriend comments on Dec 27, 2021:

You should see what they did to Barbie. She may never recover. Ken is in hiding, but G.I. Joe is looking for some payback.

zeuser replies on Dec 27, 2021:

The depravity of the genitalia-challenged dolls.

Well that's just grate!

AnonySchmoose comments on Dec 27, 2021:

Evil elves claimed it would be massage therapy.

zeuser replies on Dec 27, 2021:

Yeah, but that's not ketchup.

Mrs. C starts making a couple of bucks for next year's toy making.

bobwjr comments on Dec 26, 2021:

Naughty Mrs C

zeuser replies on Dec 26, 2021:

The reindeer are naturally horny.

I like pagans, personally.

KateOahu comments on Dec 25, 2021:

Isn’t that every day during Saturnalia?

zeuser replies on Dec 25, 2021:

Even better.

I like pagans, personally.

p-nullifidian comments on Dec 24, 2021:

Saturnalia?

zeuser replies on Dec 24, 2021:

Yule, too. Pagan sex is pretty non-denominational. A boy is talking to his friend. "I didn't see mommy kissing Santa Claus. But I saw her in the garage on July 4th blowing Uncle Ted."

Yeah, this all checks.

HankSherman comments on Dec 23, 2021:

And can out fly superman AND ironman...

zeuser replies on Dec 23, 2021:

The reindeer have a hand in that, or a hoof at least.

Darwin Award winner. Male idiot tackles wet snow with a leaf blower.

freedom41 comments on Dec 22, 2021:

The dumb ass needs to hire someone to do it. Since, he is clearly a lazy bastard.

zeuser replies on Dec 22, 2021:

@LiterateHiker It's likely nobody will ever thank you. Of course, that's not why you do it. Good job, Lit. The best help you can give is the help that nobody knows about but you. They say that nothing is purer than the kindness of an atheist.

Never underestimate reindeer treachery.

St-Sinner comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Animals are behaving and talking like humans again, fun for others but so creepy to me. I don't know how I tolerated my toddler daughter's love for Elmo then.

zeuser replies on Dec 22, 2021:

I'd advise you to stay away from Disneyland.

Something to keep the youngsters occupied well past Xmas morning.

twitch comments on Dec 22, 2021:

Well, she seems to be enjoying herself!

zeuser replies on Dec 22, 2021:

Yeah, she tailed the hoop, which I think activates the vibrator function. LOL

A LOT better than that fucking elf.

Lizard_of_Ahaz comments on Dec 21, 2021:

"Is his nose cold?...."

zeuser replies on Dec 22, 2021:

Um, I can check. Hold on, I have to do this manually...

Something to keep the youngsters occupied well past Xmas morning.

Donna_I comments on Dec 21, 2021:

will I play this game 🤔 Oh! Hell. No. 🙄

zeuser replies on Dec 21, 2021:

Nobody gonna force you. ;)

The answer my friends is blowing the GQP...

zeuser comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Let's not forget the systemic impact of the deliberate republican de-funding of public education, at the federal, state and local levels, over decades. I still think that was a deliberate effort to make the American people stupid, and it continues today with their insistence on including religion in...

zeuser replies on Dec 21, 2021:

@Lizard_of_Ahaz Yeah, you're right.

Yeah, this all checks.

Canndue comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Perhaps we should start a new religion….”all hail Santa”

zeuser replies on Dec 21, 2021:

@Canndue I'm in!

Yeah, this all checks.

Canndue comments on Dec 21, 2021:

Perhaps we should start a new religion….”all hail Santa”

zeuser replies on Dec 21, 2021:

That's already been done. The religion is called "capitalism", and the particular sect involved with Santa is called "retail consumerism".

Faulty communication or groaner?

KateOahu comments on Dec 16, 2021:

When you start compulsively building a replica of the Devils Tower, I will start worrying.

zeuser replies on Dec 17, 2021:

@MsKathleen I did a lot of onsite work centered in Gillette. I drove by the devil's tower, just looking, with my fellow consultants. I enjoyed that kind of work. The people, when you could find them, were great.

Easy cures for boredom

Beowulfsfriend comments on Dec 16, 2021:

I did teach a small parrot to say, in the same whispery voice, "I see dead people." That was a fucking hoot, especially after some unsuspecting visitors had imbied some weed.

zeuser replies on Dec 16, 2021:

You're a baaaad man. LOL

Love the judgey looks

dalefvictor comments on Dec 16, 2021:

Kate was going to a clinic in Portland for IVIG infusions, she did not have a water bottle to use so she substituted a Gin Tangeray bottle.

zeuser replies on Dec 16, 2021:

Nice.

They say loose lips sink ships.

ThinkingFree comments on Dec 16, 2021:

I farted in the 4th grade and was so embarrassed, I hid under my desk.

zeuser replies on Dec 16, 2021:

As a guy, I was always proud of my farts. Especially in the 4th grade.

They say loose lips sink ships.

bobwjr comments on Dec 16, 2021:

Really happens a lot

zeuser replies on Dec 16, 2021:

It's the wet ones you have to worry about.

They say loose lips sink ships.

Willow_Wisp comments on Dec 16, 2021:

Women don't fart, according to women. One piece of cheese and I'm a fucking locomotive.

zeuser replies on Dec 16, 2021:

I'm never taking you anywhere on taco Tuesday!

Faulty communication or groaner?

KateOahu comments on Dec 16, 2021:

When you start compulsively building a replica of the Devils Tower, I will start worrying.

zeuser replies on Dec 16, 2021:

What the hell is that Ms K?

I should've asked them for a hit, but that's just nuts.

glennlab comments on Dec 14, 2021:

stoned squirrel

zeuser replies on Dec 15, 2021:

@Canndue If they'd stay out of the bird feeder, I'd feed them separately. When the seed is all gone, they start chewing on the feeder itself, this is irritating me too.

Follow me for more tax tips.

jeshuey comments on Dec 14, 2021:

Apparently there's a tax deduction for funds deposited in bathroom walls.

zeuser replies on Dec 14, 2021:

Yeah, the tax evasion money laundering deduction.

I should've asked them for a hit, but that's just nuts.

glennlab comments on Dec 14, 2021:

stoned squirrel

zeuser replies on Dec 14, 2021:

I'm having some issues with squirrels and feeders, and I approve this result. Wish I could duplicate it with my set up. Hmmm. I'm on it. 💙

He would, and it still wouldn't make any difference to his followers

zeuser comments on Dec 10, 2021:

That's the same approach other countries used to conduct foreign policy business with him when he was squatting in the White House. cf. Kim Jong-un, Putin, bin Salman, Erdogan, and Duterete.

zeuser replies on Dec 14, 2021:

@LucyLoohoo *sigh*

Sometimes you've got to marvel at the utter stupidity of some people.

KateOahu comments on Dec 12, 2021:

I’d say this article may well put the web site out of business